Page 87 of Abigail's King

Chapter Forty

Kye

It had been over a day since I’d seen my Bonita and found out that I was going to be a father. Over a day since I had reconciled with both my best friend here in Madeira and Nathan and Kelsey.

I knew exactly what I wanted and how I felt about Abigail, but how did I prove that to her? I had an idea. It could backfire on me big time, but at the moment, it was the only one I had. All I had to do was reach out to her, and to do that, I had to speak to Mateus again.

I’d spoken to Kelsey again yesterday morning. I knew that she had been seeing a counsellor for a while after being held captive by Peter. On the number of occasions we had spoken about it, she said it had helped her. That the person she was speaking to was very understanding and not patronising in any way. She had given me the clinic’s number. Because they were a private clinic, they took calls all day long if you were willing to pay for it.

I had contacted them late yesterday afternoon and arranged a video call this morning. It was costing me a fair bit, but I didn’t care. It was the first step I needed to take to get back with Abigail and to get my life back on track. I knew I couldn’t continue living the way I was. I would never be cured, but if I could at least understand why I had gone through all of this, I could do something about it.

I’d been put in touch with Stuart Jenkins. He dealt mainly with ex-military personnel suffering from PTSD. I didn’t really fit into any fixed box, so I guessed they thought he would be the best place to start. It had been difficult to open myself to someone I didn’t know, but he must have understood that, because he started off with what I had been going through, not what had caused it. I was worried that some of the things I would tell him would open me up to being prosecuted, so there would still be some things I would keep back. I just hoped I had told him enough to be able to help.

We talked for nearly two hours this morning. It had taken a lot out of me trying to hold back the emotions I was feeling, trying to stop the tears that were threatening to fall. After a while of speaking to him, though, I realised that he didn’t care if I started to cry. That it was part of the healing process that I needed to take. That he wouldn’t judge me and was almost encouraging me to let the pain out.

I felt that I had finally turned a corner this morning. It was only one session, but it had helped so much. I had agreed and booked several sessions with Stuart, firstly by video call and then in person once I got back to the UK. No matter what, I was going to back there. I wanted to at least be there for Nathan when his baby was born and help both him and Kelsey for a while.

I had a completely new outlook on life today as I sat here. The house had been completely cleaned, by me. I had eaten properly for the first time in weeks, and every bottle of bourbon had been poured down the sink. Well, I say every, but there were a couple that I kept. There was a limit to the price I would pour away. Some of the bottles I had in reserve had cost me a few hundred pounds.

I had even sent messages to Mason and Jayden, apologising for my behaviour over the past few months. Mason had called and we had a long chat. He, of course, had never accepted my resignation, and Nathan had called him last night to explain some of the situation, so he knew what to expect from me. I promised to sit down with the whole team and explain myself when I got back to the UK. I’d said I still needed a little time, but that I had gone to get the help I needed. As usual, he told me to take all the time I needed. That he would rather have me back when I was fully on the road to recovery than come back too soon. He also offered to send me a few investigation jobs to work remotely if I felt up to it, just in case I needed anything to stop me from going stir-crazy here. I promised to stay in touch more, and once I was feeling up to it I would join one of the morning calls. I just needed some time to myself before I faced the team.

All that was left was to contact Mateus and arrange to meet with Abigail. I was just about to call him when my phone started to ring. Looking down, I saw that it was actually Mateus that was calling me. I answered the call.

“Hi, Mateus.”

“Ricardo, how are you doing?”

“I’m good. I actually spoke to a counsellor for a couple of hours today. It really helped. I’ve booked more sessions with him. I know I’m not cured, but it’s a step in the right direction. Speaking to Nathan and Kelsey the other day really helped, and I’ve also reached out to Mason. I was just going to call you when you rang, actually.”

Even though he was my brother and wanted to help me, I wasn’t sure how he would react to what I was telling him. It almost sounded as though I was thinking of myself and not what Abigail was currently going through on her own. I knew I needn’t have worried, though, as soon as he replied.

“You don’t know how glad I am to hear that, Ricardo. You have taken the first step you needed, especially if it brings you back to our family. But that wasn’t the reason I called.”

I guessed it wasn’t. I assumed my time was up when it came to Abigail. That she would soon be going back home to the UK and I would possibly never see her again.

I hesitantly spoke. “I take it that Abigail is going home?”

“I’m picking her up from the hotel tomorrow morning at around ten. Her plane leaves at two. Have you made your decision?”

“I made my decision days ago, Mateus. The problem is, I don’t know how to prove to her that it’s her I want and not the twins. I’ve gone over it in my head since she walked away from me, but I still haven’t found the solution. I’ve got a solution, but I’m not hopeful that it will work.”

I heard him sigh at the end of the phone.

What more could I say? How did you prove to a pregnant lady that it was her that you wanted and not the kids? If we had been together, it would have been easy, but trying to prove to someone that you cast aside before knowing they were pregnant that it was her you wanted, was a whole different thing.

“Well, all I know is you only have a few hours to prove it. She told me to say if you don’t see her before she leaves, then she knows you chose the twins. I’m sorry to be the one to tell you that, but I have to. Please don’t do anything silly this evening. Please at least come and say goodbye, even if that is all it is. You both need each other, and not because of the twins. Seeing you together, I have never seen you that happy and in love. Even when you wouldn’t admit it to yourself. I saw the picture she gave you. You looked as though you were always meant to be together. Please don’t lose that, the one chance you have at happiness.”

I wasn’t planning on giving up, but it all depended on whether Abigail believed me or not.

“I will be there tomorrow, and then it will be up to Abigail to make her decision. No matter what, I’m not about to give up.”

“That’s all I needed to hear. She is staying at the Reid’s Palace hotel. I will be picking her up, as I said, around ten. Try to be there before we leave for the airport. I’m not sure I can get you through security this time.”

We said our goodbyes, and again, I was left alone in the house. For the first time, though, I was feeling good about it. I sat there for a while running through exactly what I was going to say to Abigail. All the reactions and questions I could get from her and how I was going to answer them. I knew all of this would go completely out of my head when I faced her in the morning, but if it meant that I could go to sleep knowing I had a plan in place, then at least I might get a good night’s sleep.

Part of my plan was to give her the letter I had written on the night I was going to end it all. Although it was irrelevant because Davi had come in time to stop me from pulling the trigger and doing something stupid, what I had said within it still needed to be said. I wanted at least Mateus and Abigail to read it, hoping they would understand what was going on in my head at the time.

I knew the contents would be hard to read, but I needed them to read it. I wanted them to see how I truly felt about them, and I wasn’t sure that I could articulate it in the same way now as I had then. I opened up my laptop and printed off two copies of the letter, the original long since thrown away. I walked into my study and grabbed two envelopes, addressing them both, and placed a copy of the letter in each. I would give them to them tomorrow. They could decide when to read them and if they felt the need to discuss them with me. It would then be their decision what to do. I wasn’t going to make them read it, but I hoped they would, even if they never said a word to me about them.

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