Page 22 of All My Firsts

The walk back allowed my heart rate to settle, but my physical appearance was not something I could address right now. I had pulled my hair into a low ponytail, but I could feel the puffiness of my eyes. No way to fix that. I hoped they were too interested in each other to take notice of my disheveled presentation.

Unfortunately, as soon as I sat down, Logan took the seat across from me.

“Hey, Lanie, what’s up with your face? It’s all blotchy. Are you having an allergic reaction to something?” As soon as he said that, the others looked at me with inquisitive eyes, and all three of them were waiting for anexplanation.

“I’m fine, really. Nothing to see.” I tried to hide my face by eating my sandwich and moving my hair to block as much of my eyes as possible. Becca leaned over, close to my ear.

“Lanie, are you OK? Seriously, I need to know that you’re OK right now, because you’re kind ofscaring me.”

I knew I was going to have to tell them something.

“I had a blowup fight with Max. I finally told him it was really over,” I said, exasperated. “We had a bad fight on the phone, and I was crying. That’s all this is. I’m OK, really.” I looked at them as I spoke, knowing eye contact helped.

I think they bought that as enough of the truth. It wasn’t a complete lie either, just not thewhole truth.

I started picking at my sandwich again, hoping they would leave well enough alone, and I think they took the hint. The table was quiet for a few minutes, but then normal conversation started up between the three of them.

“So, is everyone still planning on going to the party in Xander’s room tonight?” Ty asked. “I know I can’t wait. It’ll be cool to hang out with some guys Logan and I will eventually be rushing with.”

I had almost forgotten tonight was the party that Xander had promised me. It seemed so long ago that he madethose plans.

“You guys are going to rush Xander’s frat?” Becca asked bothof the guys.

I didn’t know Xander was even in a frat. I wouldn’t have thought that. This was a complete shock to me. I’m not sure why. He had the look, I guess, but he didn’t come acrossas the type.

“Yeah, we went to a Greek rush event the other night and had a chance to talk to him and a bunch of the brothers. They’re all really cool. We obviously misjudged Xander.” Ty’s eyes connected with mine, almost in apology. “So, yeah, we’re looking forward to hanging out tonight.”

This wasn’t helping the knot in my stomach at all. I had kind of forgotten about tonight, what with all the craziness of my day. Becca recognized the look on my face, and I knew she was setting herself up for disappointment. She was really looking forwardto us going.

“Lanie, you almost done eating?” She gave me a look like she wanted to talk, but I was OK with getting out of here. We said our goodbyes to the guys and left together.

Once we were outside, she hooked her arm through mine and leaned into me.

“I’m not going to push; I know better. I can see it on your face.” Her head was now on my shoulder as she paused. “But know that I’m here if you want to talk more about what happened with Max. Also, I can tell you’re thinking about bailing tonight; I see it in your body language. I want you to rethink that. I think you’ll regret it if you don’t go. Remember that Xander really put this together mainly for you.”

At that, she stopped us from walking and turned me tolook at her.

“I know you feel something for him, and ‘guydar’ says he feels something for you, too.”

“I don’t have feelings for ...”

But Becca cut me off. “OK, you’re not sure how you feel about Xander, but I think he likes you. I would hate for you to miss out on an opportunity to see where it could go. But I know your limits, and I’m nervous you’ve reached them, so I won’t push you, I promise. And I won’t even ask to dress you for the party if you decide to go.”

She smiled at me, grabbed my arm again, and started walking us back to our dorm. All the while, on the inside, I was thinking how lucky I was to have been given such a gift in her. Especially today of all days. I truly believed there was no other person on this campus I could have been placed with who could have “gotten me” any better than she did.

I squeezed her arm as we walked, knowing I had a true confidanteby my side.

Chapter 7

Becca left me alone for the rest of the afternoon. I think she hoped that would help me feel more like myself and I would decide to go to Xander’s. I’m sure I looked like I was reverting back to my old ways, the behaviors I was more prone to at the beginning of the semester. I curled up in bed, facing the wall,not talking.

But as I lay there, I continued to think about what happened by the pond. I knew I wasn’t the same person I was back in Texas, not even who I was at the beginning of the semester.

I needed to get up and do this forher tonight.

And to be honest, it wasn’t just for her. I wanted to go.

“Becca?”

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