Page 2 of Blood and Penance
I stand, and I pull the ring box from my pocket and squeeze it in my hand. I hesitate for a moment before I sit it down on the coffee table. It’s like I’m ending the best part of my life, but there isn’t anything I can do about it. This has to happen, and it has to happen now.
“Regardless of what you may think of me right now, Phoenix, I’ve been trying.” I walk toward her, and when I stand in front of her, it takes everything in me not to take back my words. This is it. My life will change forever, and so will hers. I kiss the top of her head. “You will always be my love. I love you.”
And when I slam the door behind me, putting the best thing that has ever happened to me in the past, her gut-wrenching sobs will echo inside my heart and soul for eternity.
Chapter One
Gianni
Six years later…
With a deep breath, I push myself up from my knees, the weight of my unspoken prayer still heavy on my heart. With a groan, I drag my hand across my face, the throbbing pulse in my head a reminder of the long day ahead. I’ve asked for strength to handle my family because I know I’m going to need it.
I didn’t get much sleep last night, and being here for only one day has already drained me so much. It’s like I don’t have the energy to even keep my eyes open. But I’m needed here, so I’ll have to be uncomfortable just a little while longer.
It’s strange and very difficult being back in my childhood home. I haven’t stepped foot inside this house since I let go of the most important person in my life for this family. And when I arrived, the only person to greet me was Gerald, my family’s long-time butler, who escorted me to my old bedroom at my request.
I’ve taken my meals here since I’ve arrived in the silence and within the confines of these four walls to keep my distance from them as well as strengthen my bond with God, so I can do my duty while here and not be pulled into the chaos that’s coming.
This isn’t a place of happy childhood memories despite my mother trying to make it a home instead of a prison for all of us. My brothers embracedthe life, while I shunned it. I can’t say either of my parents were happy with my decision to become a priest, but at least my mother accepted it even though she wanted grandchildren to spoil. My father was a different story. If it’s not the path he wants you to take, he’ll fight you every step of the way, which he has. If it weren’t for my mother, I wouldn’t have even been allowed here today.
Now that I’m back, I know I made the right decision when I renounced the title of Don when my father made a big show of me finally coming to my senses and putting the family first. It caused an uproar not only within our family but within the other families too. The fallout I assume he’s still dealing with today since he still has not stepped down and named his replacement. I guess he still hopes that I’ll come around.
That’s never going to happen.
I had to forge my own path in this world, which I will not apologize for. I don’t want to become the next Don of the Puglisi family. He should give the title to one of my brothers who wants it instead of trying to force my hand.
This life has cost me everything. He wanted to take away what mattered most to me, so I took away what mattered the most to him—me becoming the heir to his empire.
I did what he wanted. I broke the heart of the only woman I will ever love, while also breaking my soul in the process. He damned me to a life of loneliness, so I found my purpose in the priesthood. And the only reason I’m here today is to give the woman who birthed me last rites. She’s been a faithful servant of the Church over the years, taking communion and going to confession. She deserves God’s grace and peace in her last days, but once that’s done, I’m closing the door to this world forever.
Standing in front of the mirror, I run my palm over my head. I don’t keep my hair long anymore, buzzing it all the same length. It just makes things quicker now, and it also had been a reminder ofher. She loved to run her fingers through my hair. So, when I cut her out of my life, so went anything that reminded me of her, including my hair.
To clear my mind of the persistent and intrusive thoughts, I shake my head, grimacing as the metal of the cage locked around me presses into the sensitive skin of my dick. At this moment, I lack the time or energy to do my typical routine I do to clear my mind of thoughts about her. So, I wear a cock cage when I’m not at the rectory as punishment for the impure thoughts I haveof her. Temptation is always a beast riding me that I can never escape because of her. My burden to carry.
I adjust the starched cotton of my clerical collar, feeling the familiar smoothness against my skin. It always brings a sense of calm to me. Whenever I touch it, it’s like His presence is with me. And I’m going to need all the peace I can muster today dealing with my family, which is also a constant reminder of her because they are the reason she’s no longer here.
Immediately it works, pushing thoughts of her out of my mind, and the cage no longer digs into my skin. Breathing a sigh of relief, I adjust myself even though this will not be the last time I feel pain.
My father is unbearable. Sergio is just as bad as my father, a carbon copy of the man we all hated growing up. I get along only with Lorenzo and Dante. And that’s because they both refused to let me cut them out of my life when I walked away.
The knock on the door pulls a deep sigh from inside me. I just want a few more minutes of peace before I have to deal with the chaos I know is coming.
“Come in!”
The door creeps open and a young woman with dark hair pinned in a low bun at the nape of her neck peeks into the room before she steps in. I don’t remember her being a member of the staff the last time I came over.
“I’m sorry to disturb you, Father, but Mr. Puglisi would like to see you in his study.”
“And who are you?”
She rubs her hands down the front of her black uniform skirt. Every staff member wears the same crisp, starched black uniform. Every woman wears a black shirt, a sleek black pencil skirt, and sensible black shoes with a small heel. The men, all dressed in identical black dress shirts, slender black ties, black slacks, and black dress shoes.
“Anna Maria. I’m Gustavo’s granddaughter.”
I can’t help but smile. Gustavo is the family’s landscaper. He’s been around since I was a kid. I’m shocked he’s still working at his age. When I was younger, I just knew I would marry his daughter Lucia even though she was at least ten or fifteen years older than me.
“You’re Lucia’s daughter?”
