Page 41 of By Your Side

Brows pinching together, I hang the ornament I’m still clutching to my chest and head to the door. Opening it, Owen’s smile and two steaming cups greet me.

“I thought you could use a pick me up.”

My stomach flutters as I take the offered drink. “Thank you. Would you like to come in? I’m decorating the house for the season; I don’t know if that’s your thing.”

“I would love to. I haven’t really decorated since my mom still lived here and I would help her out.” He knocks the snow off his boots before hanging his coat next to mine. The dogs greet him and return to their spots, Nora bolting down the hall and then back to the garland.

Shaking my head, I go back to the box I was working on, hanging ornaments. Owen sets his drink down, coming over to me. “May I help?” he asks.

Pausing, I nod. The last time I decorated a tree, Scott was hanging ornaments and now Owen is here, offering to hang the same ones.

He gives me a knowing look but doesn’t say anything as we move around the tree, hanging ornaments.

After a few minutes, he asks in a low voice, “The last time you did this was with Scott, wasn’t it?”

Nodding, I continue hanging the ornaments until the box is empty. “I couldn’t bear to do it last year. This year is different. I miss him, of course, but not in the devastated way of last year.”

Owen comes over, wrapping his arms around me. He doesn’t say anything, but the strength of his arms and the steady beat of his heart mean everything. Returning the hug, I close my eyes for a moment and let myself soak in his comfort.

He pulls away first, opening another tote.

“What’s this?” He holds up a wrapped box.

Taking it from him, I look at it, turning it over. Freezing when I see my name written in Scott’s writing.

My heart feels heavy in my chest, the air tight in my throat.

Dropping to my knees, hands shaking as I carefully remove the paper, setting it aside.

Lifting the lid to the box, I see an album inside. Taking a deep breath, I open it. My breath catches when I see the photo of me and Scott on the first page. It’s the first photo we ever took together.

Surrounding the photo is stickers and other ephemera. On a piece of paper next to the photo is a note in his handwriting.

Our first photo. I knew that day I was in love with you and suggested we take the photo so I could always remember the day my heart became yours.

Tears fall silently as I flip to the next page and then the next. Each one commemorates a moment that Scott found significant in our relationship. Many of the photos are ones I forgot about or even had never seen.

A picture from when he proposed. Pictures from our wedding, honeymoon, and smaller moments in between. All with notes from Scott about what that moment meant to him.

My heart aches as I near the end. He put so much work into this, a perfect reflection of how he approached our life together.

Looking up when a movement catches my eyes, I meet Owen’s gaze. He’s sitting quietly on the couch. Guilt floods me as I look down at the scrapbook from Scott and back up at Owen. Closing my eyes, I shake my head. Clutching the book to my chest, I fumble to my feet and blindly make my way to the front room.

I can’t look at this with Owen’s eyes on me, not when the life I shared with Scott is filling these pages.

Settling onto the chaise by the front window, I flip to the last page.

There’s no photo, it’s a blank page with a note tucked in.

Adeline,

The first ten years of our life together is one for the books. I love you endlessly and I can’t wait for these next ten years of loving you.

Forever yours,

Scott

Wrapping my arms around it, I breathe in and cry harder when I realize the book smells like Scott. A smell that reminds me of warmth and home.

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