Page 63 of I Shouldn't Feel This Way

A father-daughter vacation. I liked that idea—definitely doable. “Where to, princess?”

“Venice, Italy. Do you think you can take time off from work?”

“Yes, that won’t be a problem. But it will have to be a much later birthday present since you’re still finishing school. We can fly any time after you graduate. I can book our tickets tomorrow.”

“I would love that.”

“Are you sure you don’t want a party? I was looking forward to that—Vanessa especially. She loves planning big events, and to be honest, she’s been already arranging it.”

Aria took a moment to reflect on her decision. I could see a look of panic in her eyes. She suddenly sat up.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” I touched her back, confused and upset.

“I really don’t want a party. Please tell Vanessa to stop.”

Did she have an irrational phobia of pleasant surprises? I knew there had to be something that was triggering her anxiety. “Sweetie, don’t worry. If you don’t want a big thing, I won’t force it on you.”

Knowing Vanessa, she would obsess about the party planning, but I was sure I could convince her to scrap the ideas.

“On my sweet sixteen,” Aria began, “I decided to have a party because Rob wasn’t going to be home that weekend. He and Mom had had a huge fight two weeks prior and she pretty much kicked him out because his drinking had gone out of control. He’d been staying at his friends place because Mom said that she needed some time apart, and surprisingly he respected her wishes. On the day of my party, Mom took Terry and Tiffany to stay with her best friend for the evening while she chaperoned.

“I felt relieved because at least Rob wasn’t going to be there to embarrass me and ruin my evening. My friends came over—about fifteen people, and everything was going smoothly, I was having fun … but it all blew up in my face. Just as I was about to blow out my candles, Rob stormed in through the apartment door, stumbling around like the drunk that he was. He started yelling at my mom saying how this was his damn house too and that she wasn’t going to make him live under someone else’s roof any longer.

“He embarrassed me in front of all my friends. Mom had tried to do some damage control and attempted to take him outside of the apartment, but he crashed my party, stuck his sausage fingers in my birthday cake and made a huge scene. I’ll never forget what he said to me, ‘It’s such a waste to buy you a cake. You’re just going to vomit it up later on.’ ”

I was afraid to ask my next question. But I had to. “Were you battling Bulimia?”

“No. I got nauseous often because of the anxiety I felt living with him. I had a period where I couldn’t keep my food down for a month. He was very abusive and unpredictable. He used to hit me—a lot.”

Now I regretted not killing the bastard.

“Anyway, that wasn’t the worst of it,” she said. “When Mom pulled him into the kitchen, they started arguing and he lost his temper. The next thing I knew I was sitting there listening to him breaking dishes and degrading my mother. All my friends got freaked out and felt awkward, so most of them left, except for Jade and Ally. They stayed behind because they were worried about my safety, but I urged them to leave.”

Now her reservations made sense. “I’m sorry you had to go through that, Aria. I promise you that wouldn’t happen here. That piece of shit won’t ever come close to you again. Turning eighteen is a big deal. It’s another milestone.”

“I understand that you and Vanessa want to go all out, but I’m honestly not ready for it. The memories are still too fresh, and it’s very triggering for me. I basically told you the summarized version of that evening.”

I knew what it was like to live with triggers, which was why I respected her decision. “You know what? It’s supposed to be your special day. Whatever you want to do, tell me and I will make it happen—no complaints from my side.”

The softest smile touched her lips. “I just want to spend the day with you.”

“Done.”

Of course I would shower her with gifts and take her out to a nice dinner, at least.

“I can’t wait,” she said, tangling herself around me.

“I love you,” I whispered, hugging her close. All these months I kept hoping she would say it back to me. Sure, she traced those words on my hand, but hearing it was different. Regardless, I understood that she needed time to trust in my feelings for her.

My daughter looked up at me with those glowing sapphires, and I was suddenly in a trance. I couldn’t focus on anything else other than the fact that she was in my arms and our bodies were dangerously close. I brushed a strand of hair out of her face and carefully tucked it behind her ear. My intention was to shift my gaze away from her enchanting eyes, but before I could think of another diversion, she captivated me again, and I couldn’t look away. Instinctively, I wrapped my arms around her waist. Like a mad man, I desperately tried to sift through the chaos in my head. She was edging nearer to me, our faces almost inches apart …

What’s going on? Is she going to do what I think she’s going to do?Her lips were so close to mine. I could almost smell the faded scent of her strawberry lip balm. This couldn’t be happening. Was it really happening?

Get up! Get your ass out of bed!I scolded myself in silence, but my body was paralyzed.

That’s when it happened … strawberry and mint collided. She kissed me. It wasn’t a full-out passionate kiss. I wouldn’t even say it was sexual. I’ve kissed enough women to master interpretation of kisses—one little kiss can speak a thousand words—yet I was completely confused. Aria’s lips were lightly pressing against mine, and all I could feel was this insane attraction sparking between us. Time seemed to stand still as I closed my eyes. I hadn’t moved my mouth to reciprocate her affection. I was immobile. Her lips seemed unsure of my reaction but confident in their intent. When she slowly pulled back, all I could hear was the sound of our shallow breathing. Was she trying to decipher the expression on my face? I gave nothing away. My heart kept beating so fast that it was almost making my chest vibrate. A darkness was growing inside of me, shrouding whatever logic I was left with.

I stared back at her, frozen and half panicking. I was never so aware of the demon sleeping inside my head—not until she kissed me. It was like her lips were the deadly catalyst to a very toxic chemical reaction. My human brain had turned to mush, and I was all animal instincts now, carnal and predatory. This wasn’t good.

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