Page 62 of I Shouldn't Feel This Way

Where were you when she needed you most? Were you there to take her to a doctor when she caught the flu? Were you there to hold her and chase the monsters away when she woke up from a bad dream? Where were you, Noah?

My wounds of guilt were self-inflicted, and I felt the pain every time I removed the bandages. I realized right then that these injuries were not going to heal on their own.

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Aria stirred awake when I placed her on the bed. She looked sleep-drunk.

“Go back to sleep, sweetie,” I whispered.

“Don’t go.” She slung her arms around my neck, pulling me close. “Just stay with me a little while longer.”

I smiled and moved in beside her. She wrapped herself around me so fast that escaping was virtually impossible. I didn’t know why I was feeling edgy all of a sudden, and I couldn’t shake that feeling. Aria molded herself into me, as I lay on my back, looking at the ceiling. She hummed and slipped her arm over my stomach. The room was quiet, the house was still, and I felt like the only thing I could hear was the rhythmic sound of my own heartbeat, which refused to slow down. The last time I’d felt this way was when I was fourteen. I’d been thrown in a closet with the cutest chick at school, and I had no clue what to do or how to kiss. I’d almost pissed myself from nervousness. Yeah, it wasn’t the best experience.

Minutes went by, and the silence lingered between us. I kept hoping and praying that she had fallen asleep because I needed to get out of her room, ASAP.

“Noah?”

So much for praying.

“Yes?”

“Can you look at me for a sec?”

Reluctantly, I turned my head and faced her. My eyes had adjusted to the darkness.

“What is it, baby girl?” I gently asked while battling my nagging conscience. It was shaking its righteous finger at me, telling me to get up and leave—as if I was doing something wrong.

“Do we have …” She paused for a moment. “… something going on between us?”

My heart was in my throat and I had no clue how to answer her.

“Um …” I breathed out slowly, staring into her big blue eyes.

Why the hell am I so nervous?This was ridiculous. “I don’t …” Okay, she was a teenager—a girl with sensitive feelings. Keeping that in mind, I replied, “Yes, we have something between us, Aria.”

She’s my daughter and I love her. Why did I keep repeating this in my head?

“I feel so close to you.” She touched my chest. “You’ve really become my best friend, not just a father to me.”

What could I say to her? It was like she was reaching out to the most secret part of me that I had locked away forever.

“I’ll always be here for you, angel.”

I meant it. There was no way I would abandon her again. Never.

“I think I figured out what I want for my birthday,” she said.

“Tell me.”

It took her a while to respond, and I wondered if she was going through some sort of internal struggle. Maybe it was emotionally triggering for her, so I pulled her in closer to me and caressed her hip. She was wearing dark blue shorts, and I was thankful because her camisole wasn’t long enough to cover up her panties.

What the fuck? Why am I even thinking about all this right now?I yelled in my head.

“I want you to take me on a trip.”

“A trip?”

“Yes, just the two of us.”

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