Page 25 of I Shouldn't Feel This Way

God, he looked so uncomfortable. Why couldn’t I have kept my mouth shut?

“I can’t believe I corrupted your mind with all that sex talk,” he finally said. “I am so, so sorry.” He ran his fingers through his hair and rubbed the back of his neck before he regarded me again. “Wait … Please tell me Emily had that talk with you about the birds and the bees.”

“Noah, I know everything aboutthe birds and the bees.” This was humiliating. “I just haven’t done …” I lowered my voice. “Ityet. I thought that might be a good thing for you to know.” My hands were getting fidgety.

“Oh, Aria, it is. Hey, look at me, angel.”

I felt embarrassed. I mean, I was totally inexperienced. The only thing I was gifted with was my “oral skills,” nothing beyond that. I wasn’t as innocent as I appeared.

Noah tilted my chin up and gently coaxed my head in his direction. His eye color had changed in the dim lighting. It was as if the sun was setting inside the deep blue ocean that was captured in his eyes. I had difficulty looking at him—my heart couldn’t take it. The nonstop skipping was driving me crazy.

“It makes me so happy and proud to know that you love and respect yourself enough to understand that your body is a temple. Every young woman is like a goddess. In your case, you can’t just let any guy enter your temple doors. You should allow entry only to one man who is worthy of worshiping you—someone who can love your naked soul before he can love your naked body. And yes, I just paraphrased Charlie Chaplin’s letter to his daughter.”

Ah. Well, I didn’t know that.

“There’s always such a double standard. How come guys can have sex with multiple women and it’s deemed as okay, but if a woman wants to be promiscuous, she gets slut shamed?”

He blinked, looking slightly surprised. “Are you saying you want multiple lovers?”

“I wouldn’t mind having two men in love with me,” I teased.

“Sweetheart, sex isn’t like porn. Threesomes are not that glorious as they make it out to be.”

“I don’t watch porn!” I had dug myself into a hole. “I was only kidding! Besides, I just meant that the inequalities between men and women are unfair.”

“I agree with you. I think every woman should be allowed to control her own sexuality and lifestyle and not be judged for it. But I want you to be loved by your future partner, not used for sexual gratification. Sex and emotions should always be connected, sweetheart. That’s how I feel about it and I won’t change my mind.”

Had he ever separated the two at one point in his life? I was curious to know but didn’t want to be so intrusive. Plus, things were already awkward with the sex talk.

“I’m so proud of you,” said Noah. “Regardless of my absence, you’ve become a strong young woman who doesn’t feel the need to surrender her virtue for attention. Whether you desired love or wanted to fit in, you stood firm behind your own beliefs. And the fact that you’re still a virgin is something you should always pride yourself in, baby girl. As your father, my advice to you is to never, ever …”—he paused dramatically—“have sex.”

Comic relief. I needed that, as we both laughed out loud.

“I’m kidding, angel. I know you don’t want to die an old maid, and I guarantee that won’t ever happen anyway because you’re a knockout.”

Did he really just say that?

“But since I’m your dad, I’m sure your mother would agree with me on this when I say, wait until you’re married. I know it sounds so unrealistic in this day and age, and I don’t think you were raised by bible-thumping parents …”

I wasn’t.

“… But I was raised with a Christian upbringing. Although, to be honest, I’m somewhere between atheist and agnostic. As contradictory as this may sound, thank God your mother moved away from your grandparents. They were unbelievably fanatic.”

There was serious bad blood between my families. Grams wasn’t so bad, but Noah had a point. My grandparents were devout Catholics to the point where it made you want to denounce your faith. I guess that’s why we visited them only two days a year, during Thanksgiving. Rob always complained about it. They had never approved of my mother marrying him.

Noah sighed. “Teens tend to go overboard when it comes to rebelling against strict parents who have kept them in social confinement. Life begins to feel like a prison. The inevitable part is that they’ll eventually break free.”

“Shawshank Redemptionmuch?” I laughed, and he joined me.

“Hey, that was a good movie.”

“Yes, it was.”

“But stay on topic. Don’t distract me.”

I couldn’t help but laugh a little. Our conversation flowed so naturally. Nothing felt forced. We covered some serious topics, and he had this amazing ability to take the heaviness and discomfort out from our discussions by adding humor and feeding off my sarcasm. Anytime I got sarcastic with my mom or stepdad, they bitched at me and couldn’t understand that I was only trying to lighten the conversation.

“So, anyway …” he continued.

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