Page 26 of I Shouldn't Feel This Way

I watched him intently, not wanting him to stop talking.

“My point is …” Noah cursed and then apologized for cussing out loud. Now was the time to speak up and help him out.

“Your point is, you’re proud that I am who I am today. Many unfortunate things have happened, but it could have been worse—a lot worse. Throughout my turbulent times, I was able to rise above it, and you’re happy that I did.”

He smiled warmly and pulled me to his chest, enveloping me in his arms.

“That’s exactly my point. See, that’s another reason why I love you. You’re on the same brain wave as me.”

I couldn’t hide my smile, or the fact that I was bordering on becoming addicted to him, especially that cologne. I was convinced it was Givenchy.

“You’re so strong, Aria. That day when I watched you enter the courtroom, all I could see was your inner strength. I know it sounds crazy, but I could feel it. I felt it in my gut, and my instincts are never wrong.”

His words were affecting me. I had known Noah for only a short while, and he was already beginning to have a huge impact on me. Was this because of a blood bond forged between us, or some genetic occurrence that transpired when one created a child? I couldn’t figure it out. All I knew was that I felt a cosmic connection with him, and the fact that I was his daughter was crushing me. I was aware that he would never look at me the way I wanted.

A knock at the door made me slip out of my melancholy mood.

“Pizza’s here. I’ll be right back, sweetheart.” Noah took out some cash from his wallet and stood up.

I still couldn’t get over how incredibly fashionable this man was. Everything about him exuded youth and vitality. Prior to going to court, I had been prepared to confront him and unleash my anger and resentment. But something had changed when I saw him face to face for the first time. It wasn’t like my anger had vanished—it was just sleeping, like an inactive volcano. I wasn’t sure what it would take to make me explode in molten lava and become the force of nature that I truly was. All my negative emotions were so suppressed. I think I had been reserving all my hate for my dad. Every beating that Rob gave me, every time anything went wrong in my life, I had blamed my father. I was just waiting for the day when I could look him up, show up at his door, blast him, and make him rue the day he left me behind. But instead, my life had taken an unexpected turn.

Noah had come and foundme,tipping the scales between love and hate. The only thing that made my scale complicated was that I felt a certain kind of love that I shouldn’t have been feeling. I think it was safe to say I had the biggest crush on him. But if I could give you a visual, then picture this:

On the left side of the scale waslove you like a lover,and on the right side waslove you like a daughter. Which side do you think tipped the scale? The right side was weightless because everything I was feeling tipped toward the left. I couldn’t even begin to understand why. It was emotionally, physically, and mentally frustrating me.

“Do you want to eat on the sofa?” Noah asked.

I looked up at him and broke my train of thought. “Yeah, sure. Let me help you with the plates.”

****

The pizza was really good, and I discovered that Noah loved Tabasco sauce on his pie like I did. Was that a coincidence, or a particular food preference caused by genetic influence?

Um, hello? You already know that a mother’s diet during the prenatal period contributes to a child’s eating habits. Where is your head, Aria? Please take it out of the land of stupid,the geek inside my head spoke out.

Okay, so it was just a coincidence that we both liked the same thing. And I wasn’t completely to blame for overlooking reason. Love makes you stupid.

I liked how laid-back Noah was. We sat and ate while he told me more about his trips to Europe.

“You’re so lucky,” I said when he was done. “I’ve always wanted to go to these places.”

“I’ll take you all over the world, I promise you that.”

All this smiling was going to give me premature wrinkles.Not cool.

“I’ve already figured out that you have an appreciation for art,” he continued, “so I think Italy would be the first place I’d take you. They have beautiful galleries in Florence, and the country itself is immersed in artistic history. Is that what you want to major in, the arts?”

I wasn’t sure if I should honestly tell him what I always wanted to be growing up, but I decided to open up and share.

“When I was seven, I knew I wanted to be an actor. Then when I turned ten, I was convinced that I wanted to be a singer. I can definitely carry notes without going off pitch, but that dream was short lived.” I let out a little laugh as he looked at me with intrigue.

“By the time my thirteenth birthday came around, I had decided that I wanted a modeling career. And here I am at seventeen, still secretly desiring it. Mom never enrolled me in any modeling agencies, so I have zero experience, and Rob looks down on me for even considering it. He says that models are drugged up, anorexic sluts that screw every ugly fuck in the business to get ahead, and—” I suddenly stopped when Noah choked on his drink.

Oh crap, I totally lost control of my mouth while rambling on.

“Are you all right?” I asked. “I’m sorry, I was just quoting him.”

He coughed a few times, pounding his chest. “Yeah, I’m fine. It just went down the wrong way.”

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