Page 94 of All My Firsts

At that moment, his mouth crashed into mine with such fierceness that my body was thrown back. He held on to me so I wouldn’t fall to the ground, keeping me tight in his arms, his lips mangling mine, claiming me before letting me go. The saltiness of our tears mixed on our tongues, a reminder of what this moment was truly about: a final goodbye for us. My mind refused to allow the clarity of the situation to settle in. I finally tried to pull away.

“Xander ... I ...” I was crying again, trying to get my words out but failing. “I can’t ... do this ... if we’re over, I need to go ... this hurts too much.”

He froze, grabbed my face, and looked into my eyes intensely with such passion.

“Lanie, stop and listen to me. You’re not hearing me. We. Are. Not. Over. I. Love. You. This whole damn thing was a ruse, a damn setup, and I’m sorry, but I had to do it. I’ll explain it all to you later, but I’m so sorry, baby. I never wanted to hurt you.” He was sobbing again as he fell to his knees, pulling me with him into his arms.

It seemed as if our tears had transitioned from tragic to joyous in a matterof seconds.

Andit clicked.

I finally got it.

We were good.

And Max was gone.

Chapter 27

“You have got to be kidding me.” Becca was in total disbelief at most of the story Xander was telling her, Ty, and Logan. “So, they were going to have your father released from jail if you didn’t break up with Lanie? How in the hell were they going to do that? And how did they know if you broke up with her? Were they literally watching us? They were actually a mob family? What the fuckity fuck?”

Her steady stream of questions continued, never giving Xander the chance to even answer most of them. As the five of us sat in the student union, trying to make sense of the past few weeks, I looked over at Xander. I took in his handsome features, his sexy hair, his incredibly muscular body. But none of that was the real reason I loved him. He was my best friend; he was the most sincere, selfless person I had everencountered.

He caught me looking at him and reached under the table, grabbed my hand, and squeezed it closer to him. My leg was already wrapped over his. Ever since this all came to an end, we weirdly always needed to be touching in one form or another when we were with each other, as if we both required reassurance that we were still together, not leaving. We were definitely both traumatized by these events, no doubt, and would need to heal. But it appeared we would be stronger because of it.

“Yeah, Becca, they were watching, but we had people watching, too, so you were always safe.”

Becca’s eyes lit up. “What do you mean you had people watching too? Who was watching? The FBI was watching? Where were they? Oh my God! This was going on right under our noses and we had no idea? This is some crazy shit. Imagine how often this happens and we don’t know. Where were they watching us from? Were they college students? Were they dressed like Men in Black? Come on, Xander. Give us something!” Becca was unforgiving. I didn’t think she was ever going to give this up. Ty was trying to get her to stop badgering Xander, but he didn’t mind. He was happy as long as we were together.

“My brother, Bryce, had some guys from his team here, plus there were some FBI guys stationed around. The only reason I came back to campus was because I heard from Bryce that they thought there might be movement from Max. I, uh, wasn’t supposed to know that, or be here, for that matter. But, well, things worked out.” He leaned over and kissed me deeply. He pulled away and kept talking. “I wasn’t supposed to come back here at all until it was over. The Marcellos, Max specifically, told me to stay away from Lanie. They had connections at the jail, and if I came near Lanie or talked to her, they were going to get my dad released. Even after they had Max in custody, they weren’t sure if they had it all figured out. It took a few hours for them to learn who the officer working at the jail on the Marcellos’ payroll was.”

His eyes softened when he said this, and this time he had a hard time looking at me, though all had been forgiven by now. “But when I heard he might be coming here, my decision was made. I had to come back. They had no idea what his intentions were, and I had to keep her safe.”

Becca looked as if she were about to swoon after hearing that story. “It’s like a modern-day fairy tale. He’s your knight in fucking shining armor! Oh God, Lanie, he’s a keeper for sure. Don’t let him go, but if you do, I’m scooping him up! Sorry, Ty!” Ty gave her a playful shove, and my slap came in a close second. Logan laughed out loud. She fended off the assault through all the laughter.

“Yeah, well, she actually had another knight help her, too. Karl is the one that really saved her.” Xander seemed a bit upset when he mentioned Karl’s name. Not in a jealous way, more that he wished he could have done more to keep me safe during it all.

Turns out Karl survived his surgery but was taken into custody along with Max. I tried to explain the help he provided to Xander, but he didn’t seem too interested in learning much about himor his help.

“Well, it’s not completely over yet,” Xander continued. “There still has to be a trial, but Max, his father, and a lot of the soldiers in the family business are in federal custody until that happens. So for now, anyway, we’re safe and know where they are. And my father is still safely in prison.” We all looked at Xander, acknowledging the gravity of the situation after he’d said all of that. It silenced the group for a moment.

Becca and the guys eventually stood up from the table, obviouslytaking off.

“Will we see you guys later?” Becca was still working hard for the five of usto hang out.

“Sure, we can hang out later,” I answered for both of us, knowing he would be fine with it.

Xander settled back in his chair and mindlessly started rubbing my thigh as we sat quietly once we were alone. His contemplative look had me concerned.

“What’s wrong?”

He took a moment to look up at me, his eyes relaying the guilt that still plagued him. He reached out and touched my forehead stitches. “Talking about it again with them brings it all back. I hate what I put you through. It tears me up every time I even think about it.”

“Xander.” His name was a whisper through my lips. I couldn’t imagine how he felt, knowing what he did during all of this, not being able to tell me any of it. “But we’re OK now. That’s all that matters.” I reached out for his face, caressing his cheek. His head was down, still refusing to look back up at me. I forced his face up, making direct eye contact. “I. Love. You. I completely understand everything you had to do. How could I not, in hindsight? I know what Max is capable of, and it doesn’t surprise me one bit that he could pull any of this off, at least almost.”

A deep sigh released from him, the weight of the world still appearing to be on his shoulders. “Lanie.” His voice cracked with emotion. “My heart broke with every text you sent me. My mom was with me most of the time, helping me not respond. It broke me, completely broke me.” The tears that had built up were now spilling over.

And that wasbreaking me.

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