Page 92 of All My Firsts

“Becca, I won’t perform well the rest of the semester at this point. I’m better off withdrawing now and coming back in the fall to start again. You and I still have our apartment for August, so we’ll still be together. That hasn’t changed. I just can’t do this right now,that’s all.”

“I know, but I’m going to miss you so much. I mean, one week? You’ll be leaving in less than a week? Dontcha think ...?”

“Spit it out.” I looked at her, waiting patiently to hear what she needed to say.

“Well, I think you should let Xander know you’re leaving. I know you’re not talking to him. But if he knows you’re leaving the country, that may be a game changer. Maybe that’s the kick in the pants he needs. Why don’t you sendhim a text?”

I was shocked she had suggested that, what with how mad she was at him. But after thinking it through, I knew she was right. As mad as I was at him, I still loved him. I didn’t want to be like him. I would let him know Iwas leaving.

“How do I tell the person I love that I’m leaving, that I’m giving up?” I looked at her with my sad eyes but pickedup my phone.

Me:

Hey wanted to give you a heads up I’ll be leaving school at the end of the week I’m heading to Italy to spend some time with my parents I thought it would be better for both of us if I wasn’t here, on the same floor, I can’t do it, not sure how you can I’ll be back in the fall I still love you Xander, always will

I showed it to Becca for approval before I sent it. Of course, it showed up as read with no response. It continued to break my heart every time. It confounded me how he could move on after what we had together, the non-emotion coming from him bewildering. It was further justification I needed to leave.

I couldn’t survive here. I was drowning.

“Well, let’s make the best of your last few days. Can we go out one night, you, me, and the guys? One last time? Pretty please?”

I owed this to her. She was the one responsible for me having a somewhat normal life this year. “Yeah, of course we can. Anything you want. You guys pick, and we can do it tomorrow night. Nothing too crazy, though. My head still hurts.Sound good?”

She wasn’t jumping for joy, but it made her happier as she walked out of the roomto tell Ty.

I started packing to keep my mind off things. I grabbed a case from under the bed, and with it came a pile of pictures I meant to put in an album. They were pictures of all of us from the past few months, but most of them were of Xander and me. I sank to the floor as I looked at selfies of us by the pond, in the library when we should have been studying, in the cafeteria. All the memories came crashing back, one after the other. The tears were starting spill over my eyes as I looked at the photos, my heart hurting with each new one. The images became blurry, some drops landing on the images. I hurried to wipe them dry, not wanting to lose what little I hadleft of us.

I threw my head back against the bed, done with these raging reminders showing me what we once had, my heart heaving from the pain.

The sobs were now coming out uncontrollably, my body racked by wavesof emotion.

I needed to get away from him, but the idea of leaving was now scaring me to death. The pull he had on me was so strong that I still felt him in everything I did. I felt him now and I knew he was here, on this floor. I felt him near, the thrumming in my body constant from his closeness.

I pushed the photos back under the bed, needing them out of my sight. I stared at the ceiling, hoping the distance coming soon would help heal this ache, this unrelenting pain that had taken over my heartand my soul.

Then I heard the skim of paper on the floor.

I looked to the door and noticed that a note had comeunderneath.

I scrambled to see who it was from, opening it withshaky hands.

Give me one more day birdie

Please,X

Now whatwould I do?

Chapter 26

It was a good thing Becca slept in Ty’s room.

I neverfell asleep.

At all.

The note hadn’t left my hand, which I still clutched likea lifeline.

I didn’t know what to do, what to expect to happen next. All it said was to give him one more day. It was torture staying here in my room, knowing he was down the hall in his, having this new information. I had conjured up so many possible scenarios over the past twelve hours while sitting here in what felt like a cell. But not one of them seemed a likelyexplanation.

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