Page 72 of All My Firsts

And he walked out of the kitchen and left me alone.

Chapter 19

“Xander, is that you?” I ran down the stairs, hopeful, when I heard thefront door.

“No, Lanie, it’s me. Where is he, honey?” It was Jane. “What’s wrong? You look upset. Is everything OK?”

I didn’t have a good poker face, so I wasn’t going to be able to keep this from her for very long. I’d hoped Xander would be back already.

“Um, well. Xander stepped out. Not sure where he went.” I was trying to avoid eye contact, and I thought going back upstairs would be my best option. I began my retreat tothe stairs.

“Lanie, what’s going on?” Jane’s tone was one of grave concern. She looked at me and saw the look on my face, the tears in my eyes, and came toward me. “Lanie, are you OK?” I shook my head no, and then the tears started cascading down my cheeks. “Come sit down, honey. Tell me what’s going on.”

About thirty minutes later, we heard the front door open.

Xander came walking into the kitchen and saw the two of us sitting at the kitchen table, Jane holding my hands, both of us crying. It was obvious what I had told her.

He walked directly to me, stood me up, hugged me, and whispered in my ear, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have walked out. We need to talk.” He turned toward Jane. “I don’t know how much she told you, Mom, but we have a lotta shit going on. I need to talk to her, but then we’ll fillyou in. OK?”

Jane simply cupped his cheek as she walked away and up the stairs. Xander pulled me in for a tighter hug this time. I knew his embrace was a message.

“I’m sorry.” The apology was muffled in my hair, his voice strained. “I’m so sorry. I’m sorry for everything you’ve had to endure. I’m sorry for your asshole parents. I’m sorry for you having to deal with all of that alone for so long. But most of all, I’m sorry I had to walk away.” He pulled away and firmly grabbed my face, forcing me to keep eye contact as he continued. “I shouldn’t have, but I needed to. I couldn’t let you see that side of me, Lanie. Not when you needed a very differentpart of me.”

It was then I noticed the chewed-up knuckles on both his hands, bloodied and swollen. He pulled them away from my face, instead wrapping his arms around my waist, pulling me in. His chin rested on the top of my head as he let outa deep sigh.

“It’s OK, Xander. That was a lot. I get it. But I had to tell you, I had to tell you everything. I needed you to know.” I felt the nod of his head above me.

“I haven’t even met your parents, but I kind of hate them right now. Who would willingly ... who would allow ...?” He couldn’t complete his thoughts, but there wasn’t a need.

We wandered into the living room, sat on the couch for a while in a comfortable silence. Eventually Jane made her way back downstairs, I’m sure more than ready to find out moreof our tale.

“Youtwo OK now?”

“Yeah, Mom, but we have some other stuff to fill you in on. While I was out, Isaw Bryce.”

He then proceeded to fill us both in on what transpired with Bryce over the past couple of hours. Apparently there was so much I was unaware of when it came to the Marcello family. Xander and Bryce did put a call into my father, which proved to be very helpful.

With his information and the digging some of the detectives were able to do, it had been determined the Marcello family was deep in the mafia.

The mafia.

And somehow, that news didn’tsurprise me.

The control they wound up having over my father led to the arrangement between me and Max. That was supposed to guarantee certain legislative wins with Congress through my dad, who they apparently blackmailed with information from his lawyer days. My dad was the perfect candidate for their needs: a lawyer with knowledge and the current connections that came with holding a political office. Merging the families was a top priority for them. As Xander predicted, this was much bigger than we could have imagined.

“Bryce and his detectives don’t think they can really do anything, Lanie.” He looked at me when he said this, knowing I would be crushed by his statement. “Don’t worry, they’re not abandoning us. They can’t do anything because of the level this has reached. It needs to go higher. They’re calling the FBI.”

My eyes bulged. “What!”

“I know. Sounds crazy, right?” Xander continued. “But anything related to organized crime is automatically at the federal level. Bryce will be involved as our liaison to the FBI. He’ll be our contact. It’s already been initiated, and they’ve been contacted. You’ll have to be interviewed. The, um, things he did to you, the, uh, abuse and stuff, it will have to go on record so he can be charged when they bring him in.” He paused and stared at me after saying this, his eyes intent on mine. “Lanie, they will bring him in. This will end. But will you be able to do this? To tell other people everything he did to you?” He came closer to me, putting my hand in his, understanding what he was asking me to do.

Even weeks earlier, my immediate answer would have beenno.But there had been so many changes in my life that my knee-jerk reaction couldn’t be the fallback anymore. Not only was the safety of people I cared about in my hands, but I also had their support as I went through this.

“I can do it, Xander.” My answer came out in a whisper, but the words came out.

His smile was huge. He was shaking with excitement at the thought that this could have closure.

But then Jane brought us back to reality a bit.

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