Page 65 of All My Firsts

I was always just a vehicle for someone else’s pleasure, and it involved pain.

But this was completely different. The total opposite. I felt so cherished by Xander that it overwhelmed me. The tears started welling, uncontrollably, and I only hoped Xander didn’t see them.

“Birdie, are you still with me, baby? Do you want me to stop?” Those words were whispered into my hair, my neck. His voice was full of concern, which broke my heart.

“No, don’t. I’m OK,” I whispered.“I’ve just never felt so loved.”

His eyes moved to meet mine and conveyed the emotions I knew we both felt. “I do love you. Lanie, know that this is all out of love.” He covered my mouth with his, pulled me close to him, rolled me on top of him, wiped away my tears, and put mein control.

I put my legs on either side of his hips, straddling his midsection, and we both moaned. His urgent need for me was now fully pressed up against me, and it hit me in a spot that made me see stars. I moved around, grinding into Xander in a way that started the waves again with a vengeance. His hands found my waist, grabbing my hip bones and digging in, holding on for the ride. I threw my head back, screaming out a bit, trying to stay as quiet as I could. I hit the peak of the wave and stilled, Xander holding on to me as it moved through me. I started feeling as though I were going to collapse, so I leaned forward onto Xander’s chest, breathing hard, my cheek enjoying the hardness of his pectoral muscle underneath it. His hands came up behind and grabbed my backside, rubbing andkneading me.

“That was probably the sexiest thing I’veever seen.”

I became bashful when he said that, again not used to talking. It never happened withhim.

“Babe, look at me. It’s me.” He pulled my face up with his fingers, but I closed my eyes. “Please.” I opened my eyes. “I know you don’t like it, but talking during sex is normal, healthy. OK?”

“OK.”

“Do you want to stop now? It’s OKif you do.”

“No, Xander. I’m ready for this, more than ready. I want this – now.” I moved onto my side and pulled him close so we were looking into each other’s faces, eye to eye. I reached behind and grabbed a hold of his firm ass, letting him know I needed thisto continue.

And he took the cue.

He lifted my one leg over his, and I became completely exposed to him. He shifted himself on top of me. And when l looked up, I knew the darkness was not taking over, even with him over me. His one hand found my breasts, caressing them. At the same time, his fingertips on the other hand trailed down my stomach. They made a stop at my navel, circling it, teasing it. His tongue joined in the game, starting at my neck and leaving a trail of fire between my breasts. Both hands then worked their way down my thighs.

But then the fire was gone, and I was cold while he was reaching for his jeans, his back pocket, where he found his wallet. Out came the squarefoil packet.

Once he was covered, he centered his cock between my legs. His eyes found mine and were asking forpermission.

“I love you, Xander.”

That was all it took. His eyes never left mine, his arms bent at the elbow, surrounding me, hands cradling my head so he could hold my face all while supporting his weight above me. His mouth centimeters from mine, our breath mingling as one. He lowered his body against me, my anticipation growing, my desire spilling over. We were forehead to forehead, and his lips were crushing my mouth, stealing my breath, the intensity unmistakable.

One arm remained around my face, the other slightly lifted my lower body, opening meup for him.

Finally, I felt his fullness settle between my legs.

Finally, his fullness was begging at my entrance, breaking through, easing our agony.

And it was myfirst time.

My first timemaking love.

Chapter 17

"Oh my gosh, boys, this is absolutely beautiful!” Jane had tears running down her face after opening her gift from Xander and Bryce. It was a stunning silver charm bracelet, the charms depicting the significant events of their lives. The room was littered with torn gift wrap and empty boxes. She indulged her boys with gifts at Christmas, even as adults.

I was showered with unexpected gifts from Jane and Bryce as well. A beautiful wristlet and a new cover for my e-reader were just a couple. As we continued opening our gifts, Jane moved into the kitchen. It sounded like she was pretty busy in there.

“Kids, come on in!” she yelled. “Breakfast is ready.” Each of the guys jumped from their seat faster than the other. I was the last to make it into the room, and my eyes were met with yet another feast she’d prepared. I had no idea howshe did it.

“Mom, you outdid yourself. This looks amazing! Thanks!” Xander gave her a huge hug while Bryce waited in the wings to give herone as well.

The spread of food on the table looked like it was right out of a Martha Stewart magazine. Aromas of pancakes and bacon hit my nose as I scanned the table, seeing mounds of muffins and stacks waffles on plates. As the four of us took our seats, we worked on filling our plates. The casual conversation came to a lull as our mouths filled with food.

And as we continued eating, Bryce had become noticeably antsyin his seat.

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