Page 4 of All My Firsts

I decided to sneak yet another peek, praying he had turned away or miraculouslydisappeared.

He had not.

This stranger had been staring at me for minutes, his intense look unnerving. I should have been afraid; I should have been nervous. Yet I felt as though I didn’t need to be. Simpler things had sent me into panic attacks before. I wasn’t sure why he wasn’t.

My interestwas piqued.

However, I had no interest in winning this staring contest. I decided to move along and packed up my things.

And as I stood to walk away, I realized I had chills running down my spine, though they had nothing to do with the weather. It was a balmy eighty-five degrees ...

No, the chills were all him.

Chapter 2

Max used to tell me to smile more, which was ironic because he was the reason I never did. Now that I was away from him, I tried to make a conscious effort to smile because I realized I’d become accustomed to not doing it.

Becca smiled all the time, maybe too much. Some of her smiles should have counted for me. I usually stayed in bed, turned toward the wall, when she was in the room with me. We hadn’t hung out together, even though we’d been here for a month. I hadn’t given her much of a chance; I came here not wanting many, if any,connections.

But she was making it hard. I’ll give her credit – she was persistent and asked me every time she was doing something if I’d liketo join her.

I never joined her yesterday for lunch, but I’d decided if she asked again, I’d say yes. She was determined, and it was going to be a long year if I didn’t do anything with her ever.

I could do this.

I could hang out with her and at the same time remain guarded about my life, stay aclosed book.

She had been flitting around the room, getting dressed and doing her makeup. I’d been trying to stay occupied by reading when there was a knockat our door.

“One sec!” Becca tripped over a pile of her shoes in her excitement to get there. After righting herself and checking her reflection in the mirror, she approached the door.

I, on the other hand, got a bit nervous knowing we might have other people in our room. I sat up in bed, and shetook notice.

“Lanie, I thought you were asleep. I think this must be Ty and Logan stopping by. We’re going to get some food. Do you want to come?” She said this as she opened the door and the guys poured in. One sat on Becca’s bed, which made me nervous. I retreated closer to my headboard as nonchalantly as I could, but the other guy noticed. He chose to sit in my desk chair, and I breathed a small sigh of relief, though I still wrapped my arms around my bent knees, as if they could protect my whole body from these“intruders.”

I had been prepared to say yes to Becca, but now, with the guys here in my presence, I wasn’t sure the words would leave my lips.

“Hey, guys, Lanie’s going to come with, I think, but she needs a sec to get ready. Can we meet you in your room in a few?”

“Sure, but don’t take long. We are staaaarving!” The one on my chair said this while he looked at me – no idea which one he was. They both got up and headed out the door. Becca leaned up against the back of the closed door with such anticipationin her eyes.

“So, what do you say? Want to come with us? I mean, you have to eat anyway, so you may as well do it with us. I know we haven’t talked much yet, but I’d really like to get to know you, Lanie. I don’t want us to just be roommates; I want us to be friends. But we can do it at your pace. I won’t push. If you don’t want to come, I’ll tell the guys you changed your mind, and I can bring something back for you.”

She seemed genuine at that moment; it was going to be hard to say no. And I had decided to sayyes to her.

I had no experience in the last three years being friends with anyone. With everything I’d been dealing with at home with Max, it wasn’t worth having friends. It would’ve involved too many lies, coupled with my trust issues.

But her eyes seemed sincere, and it felt like I could trust her. At least enough to get a meal. All I had to do was open my mouthand say it.

“Yeah, sure.”

The clap of her hands was earsplitting, her smile wide across her face. She reined it in after seeing my reaction, trying to be more nonchalant. But Becca was an open book by design, and there was no hiding her delight in my decision. I, on the other hand, grudgingly walked out the door, dressed in my jeans, hoodie, and Chuck Taylors, looking the complete opposite of her. I had grown very accustomed to not drawing any attention to myself.

As we walked down the hall, I assumed to get the guys, a tall, looming figure headed toward us. A handsome guy with piercing blue eyes and shoulder-length wavy, dark hair that I recognized from theday before.

I started topanic a bit.

“Hey, Xander,what’s up?”

---