Page 48 of All My Firsts

“Do they know you’re not coming home for Thanksgiving?”

And again, all I did was shake my head. My words wouldn’t come. Our faces were close; we were sharing the same pillow. So it was impossible to hide the embarrassment that spread across my cheeks.

“Hey, it’s OK. Everyone has their own relationships, doesn’t make it right or wrong.” His hand stroked my cheek in an attempt to console me as I was starting to fidget, my distress showing. “What can I do? Howcan I help?”

I knew what I needed to do, but I didn’t want to. But maybe with Xander’s help, it wouldn’t be so ... terrible.

“Well, I do know that I need to call my parents to tell them I’m not coming home this weekend.” I sat up, and my arms instinctively wrapped around my knees. It was my protective stance, and Xander recognized it.

“I could help you, be there for you.” He moved toward me, his hands starting to reach out but retreating. He picked up on the intensity of the moment and my fragile state. We sat across from one another for a quiet moment.

I finally spoke up. “OK.” He looked relieved. “I’d like if you’d be there with me when I call my dad.”

Xander let out an audible breath and smiled. “I can do that.”

I wasn’t used to having someone with me, on my side, all the time. I was still skeptical and not completely ready to trust Xander with all of my darkness. But I was slowly letting him in. He was proving to be someone who I could depend on.

It was too late to call that night. We made a plan to call my dad the next day during a break he and I both had between classes. Xander seemed content with that plan as he scooped me up in his arms and resumed watching the movie. Drifting off to sleep, I felt at ease. Our bodies were so close I could smell his familiar woodsy scent, most likely from his soap.

My body and soul felt protected as my dreams took over. Dreams, notnightmares.

Me:

Can we meet in your room to make the call in like 10

Xander:

Sure see you then

Before my knuckles hit the door, it flew open. Xander pulled me inside his room, closing the door with a kick of his foot. He had me in an embrace before either of ussaid hello.

He felt the tension in my body. Every part he was touching on me was tight and tense, including my lips.

“OK, now is probably not the right time for this, so let’s get this call over with, Lanie.”

I pulled from his arms and walked to his couch. I’d never been more thankful for Xander’s roommate never showing up this year. He was lucky enough to have a single but in a double room. It gave him plenty of space to have parties. But it also gave us privacy. I turned toward him oncewe both sat.

“I don’t know what to say to them. It’s been so long.”

Xander’s look softened, and he rubbed the back of his knuckles along my cheek.

“Lanie, I don’t think you have to have anything prepared to say to them. They’re your parents, and regardless of what you think has been going on with them, I’m pretty sure they still love you. Why don’t you let the conversation happen naturally? Maybe just ask them what they’re doing for Thanksgiving as you tell themabout you.”

“OK, I can do that.” I opened my phone and dialed my dad’s number, putting it on speaker so Xander could hear the whole conversation. My dad picked up after one ring.

“Elaina? Is that you?” My dad’s voice was strained, nervous sounding.

Xander looked at me with strange eyes and mouthed,“Elaina?”

“Yeah, Dad, it’s me. Hi,how are ya?”

“Oh my God, Elaina, I’m glad you finally called us. I’m so glad you’re OK. You are OK, right?” my dad asked.

Wow, I was not expecting him to sound like this.

“Yeah, Dad, I’m OK. I, um, was calling to find out what you and Mom were doing for Thanksgiving and to, uh, tell you I’m not coming home.” I shrugged my shoulders at Xander, hoping this sounded natural. He nodded, encouraging me, so I guess it sounded good.

“Lanie, your mom and I left Texas about six weeks ago. We’ve been staying in DC. I’m guessing you didn’t get my messages. There’s so much going on that I should catch you up on, but not now.”He stopped talking, and I heard noises through the phone, like he was moving items on his desk.“Most importantly, I need to let you know about the account I have set up for you. I’m going to give you the account numbers over the phone now so there’s no trail for anyone to trace, OK? I’ve put aside enough money to keep you safe. You don’t ever have to go back to Texas,” myfather said.

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