Page 35 of All My Firsts

I offered a small wave as he walked off, and then I turned toward Xander. “Do you help everyone withtheir work?”

“He needs my help to stay on the team. He’s not officially one of mine, but I do it since he’sa brother.”

I was starting to think Xander was literally too goodto be true.

“I’m assuming you’re getting your standard salad with chicken?” Xander gave me an elbowto the rib.

“OK, I’ll switch it up today. What do you recommend?” We were in the cafe today, which had lots of different food stations.

“I think you should join me by the stir-fry station. They customize it with anything you want in your bowl. It’s amazing!” The exuberance in his voice made me excited to try the new food, so I followed him to the line. While we were waiting, my phone started lighting up with text messages.

“Aren’t you going to see who those are from?” He looked at me curiously.

“Well, we both know who they aren’t from, which is kind of nice.” I was hoping my appreciative smile was conveying the thanks I needed to give him for blocking Max’s number. “I’ll take a look once we sit down.” The only other people I got texts from were Becca or the guys. But since the party, the guys were keeping their distance, so my guess was Becca.

“Do you want to go sit with your fraternity brothers? I think that’s them waving you over.” I pointed my chin in their direction.

“Nah, we haven’t seen each other. I’d like to sit with you ifthat’s OK.”

My stomach felt like it had butterflies in it all of a sudden. I wanted nothing more than some alone time with him, but I played it off as nonchalantlyas I could.

“Sure, that’s good.” The blush on my cheeks betrayed me, though, hoping he didn’t see it.

Again, beyond “friend zone.”

But again, Ididn’t mind.

I felt as though I should mind. I knew I was getting myself in too deep with him way too quick. But he cloudedmy judgment.

He found a small table in a corner by the windows, and we sat down. Suddenly, a package of Ring Dings landedon my tray.

“How did you know these were my favorite?”

“I pay attention to things that are important,” he saidwith a wink.

The fluttering feeling in my stomach told me this was a special moment, one to pay attention to. I tried to hide my smile and the crimson that was surging up my chest and across my cheeks, but he saw it. The smile on his face matched mine yet held something else in it. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but it seemed to be a promise of more to come.

Unfortunately, the moment was short lived because my phone began to ping continuously again.

“Ugh, I never checked my messages.” I pulled my phone from my back pocket and was met with a name on my screen I wasn’t expecting. Xander noticed the dropin my mood.

“Hey, everything OK?” I could hear the apprehension in his voice, knowing he thought Maxfound a way.

“Um, yeah, I guess. They’re all from my dad. We don’t really talk too much, just a check-in once in a while, so it’s odd for ten messages to come in the past half ...” And then my words were caught in my throat.

I knew time couldn’t really stand still. It’s not a physical possibility in the realm of science. However, in that moment, I swore the earth stopped rotating, the clouds stopped gliding by, the students stopped eating with their food mid-way to their mouths, and my lungs stopped working,all at once.

Then, like a meteor crashing to the earth, it all started up again, but not everything was able to catch up to the lost time. My lungs were trying to work, yet I couldn’t catch my breath. And during that stalled time, Xander, in slow motion, came to my side and had me in his arms before the panic attack even started. Somehow, he managed to get us out of the public eye and down a hall of the cafeteria. My body was trembling as he found a chair in a dark corner and put me in it.

“Lanie, what is it? What’s going on?” He was hunched over me, trying to make eye contact while staying discreet. But I was like a zombie, and I couldn’t form words through the tremble in my mouth, my lips.

I handed him my phone, which shook in my hand, hoping he would take the hint. Lookfor himself.

“It’s locked. I need your password, baby. What’s your password?” My panic was spreading to him, his words a little louder than they needed to be. My glazed eyes stared up at him, and I was unsure if I could even remember my code, my brain a frazzled mess. He reached out for my finger to use the pad and finallygot it open.

And he read them.

And he froze.

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