Page 34 of All My Firsts

I stood outside the door to my room, afraid to go inside. To be honest, seeing Becca after my night with Xander was the last thing I wanted. I’d prefer to forget that part of last night with her and Logan even happened.

But Xander convinced me I needed to have this talk with her sooner rather than later, and he was right. She needed to realize what Logan did was wrong regardless of her relationship with Ty and him. I pushed the door open and went inside, ready to deal with whatever waited on theother side.

“Oh my God, Lanie, thank God you’re back. I’m so sorry. I didn’t think you were going to come back. You don’t hate me, right? I thought you hated me and that you were going to move out. I’m so sorry – I can’t believe I said that to you last night. I was such a bitch. I know I was wrong. Can you forgive me? Please forgive me. I don’t know what came over me.” She was pacing the room as the words continued to spill from her mouth. “I think I was just being selfish, nervous about how it might affect me and Ty, but that’s ridiculous, and I see that now. And I was so wrong, and I’m so sorry. Please, please forgive me?” She looked like she hadn’t slept all night and hadbeen crying.

“Becca, that’s all I needed to hear, that you’re sorry. Thank you for that.”

She ran and tackled me onto my bed with a bear hug. She was bawling her eyes out at this point, and I didn’t think I could cry anymore, but my bodyfound a way.

“Becca, it’s OK. We’re good, really.”

“Lanie, are you really OK? I mean, after what happened, how could you be? Where were youall night?”

She finally started letting me up so we could both sit and start breathing again. Recognition lit up her face as her mouth formed a small O and she suppressed a giggle.

“Wait, you didn’t, did you? I mean, he fought for your honor and shit, so he obviously cares about you, Lanie. I knew it. Didn’t I tell you that?” Her eyes got huge as she wiped away more of her tears.

“We had a special night, but he knows I’m not ready for a relationship. We’re in the friend zone. But it was ... it was a good night. I’ll leave it at that.” I couldn’t wipe the smile from my face.

“I’m sure that ‘friend zone’ is temporary. He’ll find a way to fix that. But I’m happy for you, whatever you want.”

The pause in our talk revealed the elephant in the room. I knew I needed to ask her, but I was too afraid to hear the answer. Afraid it would change thingsbetween us.

“How’s Logan?”

“Um, well, he’s pretty messed up. Xander beat him up pretty good. But he obviously deserved it. By the time we got him back to his room, he had sobered up enough to realize what he had done and was a basket case. It took a long time to get him to calm down. He almost went back to Xander’s room looking for you. He’s hoping to have a chance to talk to you today, if you’re willing.” Becca had hopein her eyes.

I didn’t answer her right away. I couldn’t. I wasn’t only upset about what Logan had done to me. But I had also lost a friend in him. I knew I wouldn’t be able to see Logan for quite some time, and I was nervous about how Becca would take that.

Funny, we all thought it would be her and Ty breaking up our foursome.

“I’m not sure I’m up for that today. I’ll need some time before I can see him. I have a lot going on in my life from home that would explain why I can’t, and I wish I was ready to talk about it, but I’m just not, not yet. It’s too much, it’s all too much, and it overwhelms me a lot of the time. And what happened with Logan actually made everything worse, believe it or not. I know you see it. You’re observant when it comes to me and how I handle things, or more how I can’t handle things.” The look on her face told me exactly what I thought. “I’ll have answers for you, I promise. I’m not there yet. I hope youunderstand.”

She reached over and gave me a hug. We both leaned back against the bed, getting cozy together under a blanket. She grabbed for her laptop, and I knew what wascoming next.

“No explanations needed. I’ll tell Ty and Logan they’ll have to wait and keep their distance for a while until you’re ready, no worries. I’ve got your back, Lanie, I promise.” She smiled while moving her finger across the finger pad on the computer. “So what will it be?Vampire DiariesorNew Girl?”

“I think I’m in aDamon mood.”

She smiled even wider. “Great choice.”

Me:

Can you meet me for lunch around 1

Xander:

I’ll see you then

A couple days had passed since Xander’s party, and we had only seen each other in passing. It wasn’t like me to be the one to reach out, but bottom line, I missed him. I enjoyed the level of comfort and calm I felt in his presence. And even if the line had been drawn for us to be friends, friends still spent time together.

I finished up my work and headed to the cafeteria to meetup with him.

He was easy to pick out of a crowd. Even though he was sitting at a table, I found him immediately. He was doing work with a friend whenI walked up.

“Lanie, hey.” His dimple was deep as he stood up to greet me. “Blake, this is Lanie. Lanie, Blake. He’s a frat brother and also a lineman on the football team.” The guy stood, and my hand disappeared in his as he shook it. He towered over Xander, who was well over six feet tall himself.

“Hi, Lanie. I’ve been hearing a lot about you from this bozo here. Not sure what you see in him.” He gave Xander a shove, then started gathering his books from the table. Interesting to learn that Xander was talking about me to his friends. That was information I wasn’t expecting to hear. “Thanks for the help, Xan. Later. Nice to meetyou, Lanie.”

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