Page 9 of All My Firsts

Although I had calmed, a new sensation I hadn’t felt in a long time started deep in my belly. A fluttering feeling that made me self-conscious, as if Xander could see inside me and read the building emotions even I didn’t understand. This immediate attraction I felt was perplexing, even troubling. There was no sound reason I should want this stranger to touch me, yet I yearned for it. I wasn’t sure if I was attracted to him or if I was simply content to be in the same room with a guy I wasn’t afraid of.

“I’m glad you seem to be calming down. And see, the food is all good.” He motioned to his meal on the desk. I smiled, about to respond when a gorgeous, busty brunette came stomping into the room.

“Well, Xander, who is this? I thoughtwehad plans together?”

Xander’s face turned toward her, a look of annoyance now covering it. He made no motion to move from his chair. She stood by the door with her hands on her hips, looking more bothered as each second of silence passed between them until I started to get up from mychair to go.

Xander put his hand on my legto stop me.

And there it was again.

That feeling I had been craving, the sense of calm. But this time it was infused with an added bolt ofelectricity.

And I think he felt it too, because when my gaze jerked toward his hand,it lingered.

He looked at his hand on my leg in bewilderment. His hand remained, though, and then our eyes connected again. He seemed just as surprised by what was happening betweenus as I was.

I saw something in his eyes, a message I couldn’t quite decipher.

And then thatvoice again.

“You have got to be kidding me. It’s like I’m watching a fucking Hallmark movie with the two of you, Xander, and I’m supposed to be the one here with you right now. What the fuck? Who the fuck is she? She looks like some lowly freshman.”

Xander’s hand retreated from my leg once he remembered we weren’t alonein the room.

He started responding to her but never took his eyes off mine. That did a little somethingto my heart.

“Mia, why don’t you head to the lounge? That’s where we’re going to study anyway. Get set up and I’ll meet you there in five. Lanie and I are almostdone here.”

Mia didn’t enjoy being dismissed like that. I also don’t think she enjoyed being called out on the fact their “date” together was a study session. Xander very handily put her in her place, and I appreciated that about him. He did it without being condescending. She left as quickly as she arrived, and Xander and I once again found ourselves alone.

“Lanie, I’m sorry about her. She can be, um, dramatic.”

“That’s one way to describe her.”

Once again, therewas silence.

Still, not awkward. We looked at each other and it was as if we were still communicating somehow, our eyes speaking toeach other.

But it gave me a moment to realize that I knew nothing about this guy. In the five minutes I’d been in his room, another girl had come crashing in. I needed to be careful. Careful with who I brought into my life.

Careful with my heart.

And then I heard my drunk friends coming down the hallway. I knew my time here was drawing to a close. I stood up and started moving toward the door to leave, and Xanderfollowed me.

“So, are you helping Mia with a class, or do you tutor?” Against my better judgment, I kept the conversation going rather than just thanking him and leaving. Even though I knew I needed to leave, should leave, I had a strong desire not to leave his room. There was a pull like I was a magnet and he was steel. But the voices in the hall were getting louderand closer.

“I tutor some people for credit for my one professor. I help him out, and he helps me out. He sends some of his students my way, so I don’t have much of a choice who I get.” His eyes shifted the slightest bit when he spoke, making it seem like it wasn’t the whole story. “It helps pay for college.”

“That sounds like a great arrangement. Good for you. Thanks again for being understanding about my clumsiness. And if you haven’t heard them already, those are my friends coming down the hall.” I stopped talking once I realized I’d been rambling. My palms were getting sweaty as I looked toward the open door. My gaze returned to Xander, an unreadable look on his face. That added to my unease, the sudden shift making me want to leave, yet the oncoming group was not who I wanted to be with. “We’re going bowling,” I told him, hoping to change the mood back to what it was. “I’m not sure what I’ve gotten myself into tonight; hopefully I can handle this.”

My words put a huge smile on his face. I hadn’t seen him smile like that before, and it was quite a sight. His deep dimple on one cheek softened the sharp angles of his model-like jaw, and his eyes crinkled.

“What are you smiling at?” I asked with genuine bewilderment.

There was a subtle shake to his head before he started talking.

“You just sounded so ... calm, happy, and – I don’t want to offend you by saying this because we don’t even really know each other yet, but –normal,when you were talking. You were on the brink of a breakdown a few minutes ago, and you sound normal right now. That makes me happy for you, that’s all. It made me smile.”

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