Page 62 of All My Firsts

“I can’t see the one on your chest,” I whined. “Take your shirt off.” Quicker than I expected, he reached behind his head with one hand and grabbed the back of his shirt to lift it over his head.

Why was that so sexy?

Same way he took his shirt off last night – it seemed so much sexier than the traditional way to undress. I jumped on top and straddled him.

“Oh God, Lanie, that’s not fair to do to a guy first thing in the morning. You feel amazing.” He threw an arm over his face and groaned into hisbent elbow.

“Kind of like lastnight, huh?”

He snuck a look at me from under his armand smiled.

“Well, you’ve had the opportunity to explore my body already. I haven’t had a chance yet,” I said.

And what a sight it was. I regretted starting this on a Saturday morning, knowing his mother was likely downstairs starting breakfast for us. I used my fingertips on both hands to gently rub the outline of what appeared to be eagle or hawk wings spanning his broad, muscular chest. Every small move he made gave the appearance of the feathers on the wings dancing a bit. Xander’s eyes remained closed, but I knew I affected him by the shivers and bumps I saw coming up on his skin. The detail was extraordinary, but I was most interested in the small numbers I found at the bottom of the tat near his rib cage, numbers that appeared to be a date. My fingers lingered on them; his eyes remained closed when he talked again.

“That’s the date my dad was hauled away from this house, the day we were finally free of him. Hence, the eagle wings.”

I nodded, understanding now the significance of this for him. He was free, free from the torment of his childhood abuser. And I felt that, truly felt that, in the core of my being. Xander must have seen something in my face, and he pushed himself to sit against the backof the bed.

“Hey, what’s with that face?” he asked.

I didn’t know if I should explain it to him. I didn’t know if he should feel the pressure of knowing how important he had already become to my current state, my existence.

But I didn’t want any more secrets, and neither did he.

“You’ve freed me.”

And as we sat there, me straddling him on his bed, there was a significant shift for us. We both knew something was changing. The gravity of it hit me as the emotions dragged my eyes lower. His fingers grazed my jaw, stopping on my chinto lift it.

“You’re a free bird, babe, just like me. My birdie. I’m glad I could do this for you.”

Both of his hands reached out for my face, pulling it to him with intensity. His mouth went to mine with passion and warmth. The kiss was a message between us about what was to come. About how thiswas a start.

But then as I shifted my straddled legs over his hard dick, we both froze. His eyes popped open, and he had a dangerous look in them as a sly smile came across his mouth.

“Are you sure you want to start something we may not finish?” he asked against my lips.

“Oh, I’m sure we won’t be able to finish,” I started as I pulled back. “I’m fully expecting to hear your mother call us to breakfast any second. But there’s no way I can be expected to sit upon this beautiful specimen of a man, looking at these sexy tattoos, rubbing his bulging muscles, and not get turned on. You see my predicament, don’t you?” I rubbed my hands along his chest, moving down along the ridges of his stomach, a true six-pack underneath my fingers. Hints of that deep muscled V dipped below his waist band and teased my eyes.

He stopped my hand from progressing any further, holding it in his own. He tossed his head back against the headboard, apparentlyfrustrated.

“Oh, I understand your predicament all too well. I think all I can say is welcome to the club – the club of carnal anticipation. But with you, it’s the best club to be in.” He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me in even closer, both of us giggling. “Waiting for you is like waiting for Christmas. Leading up to it is almost as fun, if not as much fun, as the day itself. I’ll wait for you as long asI need to.”

“Last night was amazing, Xander.” I said it almost as a whisper as I put my head on his shoulder.

“It was, my birdie.” He pulled my chin up to look at him, such tenderness in his eyes. “And it’s OK if you can’t talk about that stuff. I mean it. I’m happy we could share that together.” I could tell he still felt that way, still had a strong desire left over from last night. I could literallyfeelit beneath me, between my legs. “And I’m even more happy you’re comfortable enough with me to do those things. Please, always tell me if it’s too much.” I looked down, getting shy once again, but his hand remained firm, pulling my face back up toward his. “I mean it, Lanie. You need to talk to me. Let me know if it gets to be too much or if I’m doing something that makes you feel uncomfortable.”

I nodded while he pulled me closer, and our bodies were once again perfectly aligned withone another.

“Thank you for making me feel safe.” I looked at him when I said this, really looked at him so he would know how important this was to me. And I could see the acknowledgment in his eyes, the reverent nodof his head.

He leaned in and kissed me gently, a contradiction to our current position. My urge to grind into him was great, but his restraint kept me from doing it. And as ifon cue ...

“Alexander ...Lanie ...”

Christmas Eve was when the James family hosted a buffet dinner for family and friends. Aunts, uncles, cousins, neighbors, and friends all gathered at their home, squeezed in tight. There were so many of them, talking and eating and drinking.

I wasoverwhelmed.

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