Page 55 of All My Firsts

I paused on my way out, looking at her again but now with concern all over my face.

“Don’t you worry about me; I have that all under control. He saw me yesterday, and he knows I’m not going to put up with much more of his shit. Maybe I’m going to take up with one of the several guys I could have gonehome with.”

Her face was all confidence, but I knew something else was behind her shield. “Lanie, I know you’re struggling with stuff, but don’t lose him. You may not see what others see. I just wanted to let you know.”

I was rendered silent. I stood there longer than I should have, now probably late to class. There was a lot to digest in those few sentences Becca delivered.

“OK, so we aren’t fooling anyone.” I chuckled. “But that’s not what concerns me most about what you just said.” I trained my eyes on her, knowing she wasn’t feeling well enough for a full-blown heart-to-heart. “Are you andTy alright?”

She sat up a bit, seemingly ready to talk, but then sat back against her pillow with a loud sigh. “We’re fine, Lanie. Don’t worry about us. I’ve got it all under control.” She looked over, saw my stare still on her, and conceded a bit. “We’ll talk, I promise, just not now. I need more sleep.” She rolled over, no longer facing me, before continuing, her voice muffled in her pillow. “I mean it. Don’t worry about me. I’m fine, really. Normal boy-girl crap, that’sall it is.”

I rushed to her bedside and leaned in to kiss her head. “I’m here, like you always are for me. I’ll beback soon.”

On my way to the elevator, I met up with the culprit in Becca’s life, plus his roommate. “Hey, guys. How are you both feeling today?” We all had class at the same time, so we usually met up to walk togetherthese days.

“Does that mean Becca is a mess?” Ty had a look of concernon his face.

“She’s no worse than either of you have been.” I looked at Logan and realized he was very quiet. “You feel OK today, Logan?”

He turned toward me with a small smile. “I’m fine. I didn’t drink yesterday. First time at a party that I didn’t.” He seemed proud of himself. “Looks like it was a good thing. Becca needed me to help her out most of the day. Lightweight.” He laughed while Ty still looked concerned. We were stepping outside the dorm when he turned to me.

“Should I go back upstairs? Does she need someone?”

That was the Ty I knew, the one who cared for Becca apparently as much as Xander did for me. But there was obviously something going on that didn’t sit rightwith Becca.

“I think she’s fine, Ty. Nothing more sleepwon’t fix.”

He didn’t look convinced. “I think I’ll head to her anyway, in case shegets worse.”

And he was off. I was sure Becca would appreciate his attention, and hopefully she’d open up to him.

That left Logan and me to continue walking to class together.

Alone.

This was the first time he and I had been alone since that fateful night. But it felt OK. I wasn’t scared of Logan anymore. Rather, I was sad for him and everything he’d been dealing with in his own life. I looked his way, and he wouldn’t make eye contact with me, appearing nervous. I could only assume he was not sure how this would go between the two of us.

“Come on. We better get going or we’ll be later than we already are,” I said as I looked over my shoulder at him.

His steps fell in line with mine, and we walked in companionable silence for a while. It was a beautiful late fall day. Most of the leaves were now off the trees since it was December.

“So, Logan, are you looking forward to an over-a-month-long break from school?” He didn’t answer right away; rather, he was looking out at the mountains ahead.

Thinking.

“I should be, right? But not really. It only means I’ll be back at home, and that’s not a place I really want to be right now.” He snuck a quick peek at me as we continued to walk. His face revealed how much he was truly hurting.

“I’m sorry, Logan. I wish going home was a happy thing for you. But if there’s anything I can empathize with you on,it’s that.”

“Oh shit, Lanie, I’m sorry. I’m such an ass. Here I am complaining about my shit, and you’ve got much more going on with you at home.” He stopped walking to say this, making me stop with him. “I know Xander’s helping you out with that asshole, and I’m glad. I really am. Xander’s good for you, Lanie. As hard as it is for me to admit that, he is.”

“Thanks, Logan, that means a lot.” My sadness for him was replaced with a sense of peace at the fact that he and Iwould be OK.

And that was one problem checked off the list.

Chapter 15

“Lanie, I’m really happy you’re coming home with me for the holidays.” Xander reached over and squeezed my thigh as hewas driving.

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