Page 39 of All My Firsts

I never expected him to be a virgin – Lord knows I wasn’t. I felt like I still didn’t know him. But I did know when I was with him, I felt safe. When he touched me, my skin begged for his touch, ready to ignite. When he held me, I craved for his arms to never leave me, to always catch me like he’d promised.

And I never thought I would feel that way witha guy. Ever.

I felt his movements while lying on the blanket as he shifted and turned to face me. He pulled me to face him, our noses almost touching.

“There are so many good reasons for us to just be friends right now,” he said, and he reached out to put some hair behind my ear. “But I think we both know this is headed in a very differentdirection.”

His hand stayed on my face, his eyes never moving from mine.

“I’ll let you guide us there, give you time, but I need you to understand that is where I want us to go. Please know, there’s no one else forme. No one.”

I wasn’t expecting him to say these things, yet I wasn’t surprised by his words either.

I held his gaze, the moment pivotal. My words were clogged in my throat, the knot the size of an orange, the emotions strong.

Then his fingers were gently gliding down my cheek, and that electric pulse I usually got from his touch was teeming through my body, hitting in parts that have not been awakened in a long time, or maybe ever. My eyes fluttered closed, and I heard a slight sigh emanate from the back ofhis throat.

“It already feels like we’ve left the friend zone.” I said it hoping he wasn’t going to stop what he was doing. I wasn’t sure what I wanted anymore.

“Yeah, I’m having trouble with that. I’m trying, I promise.” And that was when he pulled his hand away. “And I won’t push you until you’re ready for more, but I care about you, Lanie. I care about you more than I’ve cared about anyone ever before.”

I needed to focus on the part where he said he wasn’t going to push me, because this was all so overwhelming.

“And I had an ulterior motive in bringing you here today, not knowing that the picnic would also be a first I could give you. I had a plan to give you another first today.”

My eyes shot open, almost in a panic, when he said that.

“Come here, Lanie, and relax.” He sat us facing each other. “You can see the sun setting behindme, right?”

I looked over his shoulder and realized the colors of the sky were changing to amazing hues of purple, pink, and orange. It was the most marvelous sight I’d ever seen, and I was awestruck.

“You told me the story about how your first kiss was stolen from you.” His eyes found mine, and at first my heart stilled. But in the next moment it was beating out of my chest. “I plan on giving it back to you tonight. I hope I doit justice.”

I think I stopped breathing.

Xander held my face reverently in his hands, almost as if I was a cherished piece of treasure he had found. I let out a breath as his fingers moved my hair off my face, behind my ears. His thumb rubbed my bottom lip gently, and my mouth responded by opening slightly, a moan escaping.

Xander responded with something that sounded like no less than a growl from deep within his chest.

I tried hard to keep eye contact, but the feelings were overwhelming. All I wanted to do was close my eyes and revel in them. His one hand reached behind my neck, his fingers threading up through my hair while the other hand remainedon my face.

I found my hands on his thighs, gradually moving them up to his stomach, feeling the hard, rippled muscles under his shirt. This time, I heard the moan come from his throat as his eyes closed momentarily, and I knew he felt exactlywhat I was.

I felt his mouth coming closer to me before I saw it, feeling his warm breath closing in on my face. I opened my eyes to see his dark, stormy blue eyes looking directly into mine with such promise in them.

His soft lips touched mine finally, gently pushing against me at first. Then, with more pressure, his tongue begged for entrance into my mouth. But it was done carefully so as to let me know I was still in control. I answered him with my tongue pushing into him, and the kiss progressed with intensity as his hand pulled my head closer to him, my hands coming up to wrap around his shoulders, his neck, pulling him tighteragainst me.

My mind was spinning, a whirlwind, lost in the moment. But then out of nowhere, the black veil arrived, towering over me, a shadow of darkness and evil reminding me I was not allowed to feel loved or wanted. My body stilled in Xander’s arms.

“Lanie.” His murmurs were a whisper against my mouth. “It’s you and me. It’s OK.” He brought his fingers to my mouth and rubbed his thumb along my bottom lip, my tongue darting out to taste him. “It’s just you and me. You’re safe.”

And I felt it – the tether temporarily snapped. I broke free and was able to be present inthat moment.

Xander felt it and pulled me onto his lap, my legs wrapping around his waist. Our bodies were touching, but the focus was on our mouths. His tongue explored my mouth, setting off tiny explosions inside me as his hand worked its way down the side of my face to my neck and eventually to my waist. He pulled me even closer, our bodies aligned, our breaths mingling together as one. My hand twisted in his shirt, trying to get our bodies even closer,to no avail.

The kiss seemed as if it was lasting an eternity, yet it was over too soon.

We started coming up for air, him peppering me with tiny pecks on my lips and around my mouth before pulling back and looking at me with eyes full of passion. The colors of the sky surrounded him like a shroud from behind, as if he were in a watercolor painting.

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