Page 61 of A Lesson In Beginning

“Can I ask what happened in the moment? I don’t want to press you for details, though you are more than welcome to share them. I only want to help you give a name and understanding of the things you are feeling.”

“He didn’t… there was no…”

“You didn’t have sex?”

“No.”

“And that has you concerned? Did the two of you negotiate sex for this scene?”

“No, actually we both agreed it would not be comfortable for me to be so intimate so early in this experience. I asked him to go slow.”

“So he held to the boundary.”

“Yes, but in the moment…” I trailed off, not wanting to say the words.

“You wanted to have sex.”

“Yes.”

“And when he didn’t press for more, you felt rejected.”

“Yes! That’s it. That’s the feeling. Rejection. Everything was so good, so powerful and overwhelming and perfect and then it just…”

“Ended. And you felt alone.”

“How did you become a mind reader? I swear, becoming a Temple gives you all special powers.”

“It’s not about mind reading. I know that feeling, and I know it well. It was a little different for me, because I was married to Levi when we started down this road. You are not married to Joel, and this is all very new. But from my perspective, he did what any good Dominant would do. He held you both to the agreement you decided on. But while that is all great and wonderful, there is still the feeling of rejection in the heat of the moment. Have you talked to him about it yet?”

“I did last night, and he did explain. But that feeling hasn’t gone away.”

“So, let’s figure that part out. Do you feel like you are ready to take that step? To be more intimate and have sex the next time you play?”

“I don’t know.”

“I guess, first, I should ask if you are sure you want to play again.”

“I do. He was wonderful. And I felt safe.”

“Say that last part again.”

“I felt safe.”

“Why did you feel safe?”

“Because he respected my boundaries, and made me feel beautiful and special, and… well, the physical part was incredible.”

“He respected your boundaries, including…” Her words trailed off, guiding me towards the understanding I sought.

“Including… not taking things too fast, or too far. Oh.”

“Yes, oh.”

“The very thing that made me feel safe is the thing that made me feel rejected. Which means that maybe I am ready to go further.”

“Are you ready? If you aren’t, that’s okay, too.”

“I think I am. Or at least, ready to go further than we did last night.”

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