Page 100 of A Lesson In Beginning

“Then please continue, love.”

“Josiah worked hand in hand with the Elders of the church to terrorize not only our community, but others as well. Outside of our sheltered haven in Zion, a group of the Elders, along with the Reverend, would go on excursions into the ‘real world’, as they called it. None of us knew anything about it. Well, most of us didn’t, anyway.” I gulped audibly, swallowing the stinging bile that threatened to spill out as I spoke.

“What did they do? I know it wasn’t good, but honestly, even Levi has hedged around this particular part of the story. Not that I ever pressed, or would have.”

I took a deep breath and prepared to dive into the ugly truth of it. After this, there was truly no turning back. Joel would know everything. “They had developed a human trafficking ring. They kidnapped small children, all girls, and took them away. I don’t want to go into all the details, because in the end it doesn’t matter. But they took them to a cabin away from Zion, up deeper in the mountains, and terrorized them. Most of them were sold off, or so I was told. But some of them —” I stopped short, a sob working its way into my throat as I thought of my little girl.

“It’s okay, love. Take your time.”

“Some of them were brought into Zion under the guise of adoption. The Reverend would spin tales of how their parents had been killed, or that they were abandoned by the sinful nature of women in the outside world. He told us of how they needed loving homes, and parents who would guide them in the ways of the Lord.”

“That’s disgusting. My God.” Joel swore lightly under his breath, his face going pale and an anger burning in his eyes. I couldn’t blame him. From an outside perspective, it was grotesque. I knew that. But at the same time, it was personal. It hit too close to home.

“Joel, I was one of those women.”

“You were one of the girls kidnapped? Christ Almighty, Adah!”

“No, no. I was one of the mothers who adopted one of the kidnapped children.”

“Adah…” His voice trailed off, the pain and pity there cutting through me like a knife.

“Not only that, I found out later — much later — that Josiah was one of the men who had kidnapped her.”

“So he kidnapped this little girl and then brought her into your home for you to raise as your own?” I could see him holding back the rage at the truth of it all. Not that I could blame him.

“Yes.”

“Wait, just a moment.” His eyes bounced back and forth, focused on nothing but the pieces he was putting together in his mind. “So, when Zion was torn down, and the FBI got involved… were they able to return any of the children to their parents?” Understanding began to dawn in his eyes.

“Yes. Most of them. Several were adults in their own right at that point. I won’t give names, because that’s not my story to tell. But yes. All the younger children were taken away by the FBI and reunited with their actual families.” I hung my head down in shame and sorrow.

“That means your daughter… Oh hell, Adah.” Without another word, and with complete understanding of the grief I bore, he pulled me into his lap. His arms wrapped around me as I straddled him. It was quite the juxtaposition of the last time I had straddled him on this sofa. “Sweetheart.”

Tears slipped down my cheeks, and I brushed them away with a swipe of my fingers. My arms wrapped around his neck. He smelled so good, like home and goodness and just… just right.

A few moments later, I untangled myself from him, setting myself back away from him.

“I’m not finished.”

“You don’t have to keep going, but I’m here to listen to every word.”

“Joel, growing up in that kind of world… it did things to me. I didn’t understand it, and I’m still honestly not even sure I do now, but it’s not been easy to come into this modern world and start over. There are things that don’t make sense to me. Things that confuse me. Things that seem to war within me, that I struggle with.”

“That’s completely understandable, love.”

“One of those things is the fact that I was married.”

“I know you were married, Adah.”

“Yes, but what you don’t understand is how hard it is for me to accept that my understanding of that fact has been all wrong. For over thirty years, I believed that marriage was an everlasting covenant of God, one that man could not pull apart. By that logic, divorce was not only not an option in my mind, but it wasn’t even possible. So, even though I am legally divorced, in my heart and in my mind, I still felt married. And while I get that, it seems like such a terrible thing to say, it’s the truth. Josiah was a brutal husband, and a barely passable father. Why would I still feel married to him?” Sighing heavily, I refused to stop. I had to get this out. I had to make him understand.

“Regardless of how horrible he was, I couldn’t tear down the lies I had been fed all my life. It wasn’t until recently that I was able to figure that out. Ruth called it deconstructing my trauma, and the religion I had grown up with.”

“Did something happen?” Concern etched over his face, his thumb drawing patterns over my inner wrist in a comforting way I had grown to adore.

“Josiah found us. I don’t know how, exactly, but he tracked us down and sent me a letter from prison.”

“Fuck.”

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