Page 11 of Reclaimed

I glared at him. “No. This was all you.”

“Me?”

“Yes! You’re making me live in this constant state of fear, and you don’t even care. Maybe you even like it! This is you, Ray, this is what you’re doing to me!”

“This is what you’ve done to yourself,” he snarled. “You were healthy and happy when we were together, but you’ve let yourself get sick.” His voice softened. “But it’s not your fault. You haven’t been looked after properly.”

“How can you be so deluded? David cared for me better than you ever could.”

“Is that so?” said Ray darkly. He sounded as though he was daring me to continue. We were in dangerous territory now.

“He’d never have hit me like you did.”

Ray laughed. “But that was part of the problem, wasn’t it?”

I couldn’t believe he was saying these things to me. “You’re insane.”

“He was disgusted by your… needs, wasn’t he?” I was crying by this point and too weary to try to reason with him. “How long do you really think you could have lasted without it?”

“I don’t need pain to be happy.”

“Are you sure about that?”

“Can I just go to bed now please?” I whispered.

“Are you still feeling unwell?” I shook my head. “Do you need anything?”

“I just want to go home,” I said in a small voice, praying that there was some small part of Ray that would take pity on me.

“Let’s get you to your room.”

“I can go by myself.” As I walked by him, he put his arm out to stop me. It was the final straw. I dug my nails hard into his arm until he pulled it back and then I ran to my room. I waited for him to burst in and start shouting or grabbing me, but he didn’t follow me.

5

I was ready, waiting for him the next morning when he came in. Being in bed when he came in before had made me feel vulnerable, so being dressed and sitting on the edge of the bed seemed just a little safer. I couldn’t look at his face as he entered – I was too afraid of the expression I might see there. Instead, I kept my eyes focused on my lap.

“Are you coming to punish me for last night?”

“No, Callie. I understand all the emotions you must be going through right now.”

I scoffed at him, earning a reproachful look.

“I expected you would be… challenging, at first, but I hadn’t anticipated the effect it would have on you physically.”

“Well, there’s an easy fix.”

“You’re not leaving here, so you can get that idea out of your head.”

“Is this how you want us to live, Ray? With me permanently terrified of you, and us fighting all the time?”

“Is that how you feel? Terrified of me?”

“That’s what you want, isn’t it?”

“No, not permanently terrified. I want you to feel that you’re safe around me as long as you’re behaving. I’d hoped that clarifying some rules would help you feel more secure, but that clearly hasn’t worked. What is it that you’re terrified of?”

“The constant threats of violence.” I’d meant to say it sarcastically, but my voice cracked as the words came out. “And you… you just seem so different. I feel like I don’t know how far you’ll go, how you’ll react to things, how you’re expecting this to turn out. Sometimes you say you want to take care of me, and other times you say you want to hurt me, and I never know which Ray I’m going to get.”

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