Page 10 of Reclaimed

The nausea was getting worse but talking at least gave me an excuse to stop eating.

“He didn’t find out. Maybe he suspected, I don’t know. I just… I knew he was going to… propose.” I shot a nervous glance at Ray, trying to glean his reaction. There was a noticeable flicker of disgust, but violence didn’t seem imminent. “I felt like I needed to find a way to be sure. I needed to know what I was going to say when he asked me. And I couldn’t do that with you still in my life.”

“But you wanted me in it still?”

“You already know I did. I asked to stay friends, remember?” I said. That seemed so naïve now. Of course some people do manage to stay friends after a break-up, but not people like Ray. Now that I’d seen both sides of him, I knew that. But I’d had no way of knowing that then. I had thought it would soften the blow for both of us if we could at least still see each other. To be honest, I’d found I couldn’t imagine my life without him still in it. But for Ray, the suggestion of friendship seemed to have been received like an insult.

“I didn’t realise you had any doubts about your decision.”

“I didn’t think it would be fair to tell you.”

“Did you consider coming back?”

“Yes.”

I couldn’t look at him. I should have lied. David had given me so much love, but there had been times when I’d missed… everything else. If Ray hadn’t shown his darker side so soon, maybe I would have gone back to him.

I started to clear our plates so I could put some distance between us, but Ray couldn’t even let me have that, and he immediately came to stand beside me.

“But now that you are back, you don’t want to be?”

“Well, this isn’t exactly how I imagined it.”

“Really?” He quirked an eyebrow at me. “You never imagined me taking you back by force, keeping you captive, reclaiming you?”

I kept quiet. Ray would know the truth anyway. Yes, I’d fantasised. With what I was into, and the situation Ray had created, it had been hard not to. Mostly when I’d thought about the possibility of Ray lying in wait to capture me, I’d been struck with genuine fear. Every time I’d left the house, I’d been in a state of paralysing anxiety that left me breathless. But sometimes, especially at night, or if I was craving physical attention, I’d felt quite differently about it. I’d pined for the feel of his rough hands on me. I’d imagined the burn of the ropes he would tie me with, I’d dreamt of the cage.

“Let yourself want what you want, Callie. You know you won’t get any judgment from me.”

“And what if this isn’t what I want?”

“It will be. Just like it was before.”

“You’re sick.”

“Tell me what it is you want then.”

“I…”

“Yes?” He smirked as though he already knew the answer.

“People fantasise about all kinds of things that they don’t want in reality.”

“Which part of this reality isn’t matching up to your fantasy then? Did you want me to be rougher with you?” He grabbed my arms harshly and pushed me against the counter. “You won’t be disappointed; all in good time.” I whimpered as his fingers dug deeper into my arms. “Or were you just hoping I’d have fucked you already?” He pressed his hips into mine and I could feel his erection pressing into me. This was it; this was the moment. I screwed my eyes shut and tried to vanish into some deep internal place where what was about to happen wouldn’t destroy me completely. I couldn’t even beg him to stop; I couldn’t bear to be there in that moment with him. There was a painful stretch of silence where all that could be heard was our ragged breathing. Then, though I dared not trust to hope, I felt some of the tension in Ray’s body relax, and his grip on my arms loosened. I stayed frozen in position, afraid to jolt him out of his moment of mercy. I wouldn’t move until he told me to. I tried to control my breathing; the last thing I wanted to do was draw his attention back to me. He pushed himself abruptly back as if he too suddenly wanted to put distance between us. I tentatively reached my hands up to my arms to soothe the soreness his hands had left behind. I knew he’d notice how much I was shaking. Being in fight or flight mode almost constantly for the last three days was really starting to take its toll on my body.

“Can I go now?” He gave me a withering look but waved his hand to show I could go. Evidently, he was not in the mood to play this game either. I thought he might change his mind and come to retrieve me from my room, but an hour later, I was still alone, feeling terrible and a million miles away from sleep.

Ten minutes later, I was dashing to the bathroom to be sick. I desperately wanted to hide it from Ray, but he heard me almost immediately. His footsteps pounded up the stairs and the door swung open.

“Callie…” He knelt behind me and tried to scoop up my hair in his hands, but I swatted him away.

“Go away.”

“I’ll get you some water.” My throat was burning, and my eyes watered from the discomfort and the frustration, but I didn’t want him to look after me, and I didn’t want him to see me like this. More than anything, I just wanted him gone so that I could breathe freely again.

He came back with water, which I reluctantly accepted. My stomach was feeling better, but now I just felt utterly depleted. I struggled to my feet and started to splash my face with cool water.

“Did you do this on purpose?”

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