Page 87 of Touch in the Dark

“Why?”

“Because this car is made to be driven.”

“Aren’t all cars?” I give him a side on look.

“You know what I mean. Fancy a drive to Malibu? We can go to the beach there. Unless you have somewhere you need to be?”

“No… I’ve got no plans. Have at it,” I hold out a hand.

Nick revs the engine again and then pulls out of the parking lot. I expect him to drive like a lunatic but he’s cautious, getting us onto the Harbor Freeway. Luckily, traffic isn’t too bad given its midday on a Tuesday. To pass the time, I ask how Doris is doing, happy to hear she’s settling into the place where she is convalescing. Then Nick asks me about my family. I suspect his news is going to be about his, so decide to go ahead and spill everything about mine. I have two older sisters, one niece and another on the way, neither sister is married. One of them is with the father, the other is a single mom. Nick glances my way when I tell him that, but I carry on as though it doesn’t mirror his circumstances. Even though he knows this, I talk a bit more about my dad giving up his old life, going out on the open road in a camper van. And how he met a guy realising he is gay and admitting the truth he’d been hiding for years.

“I’m really proud of him. It took a lot to step out like that. He’s never been happier, and his boyfriend is this really great guy, who is into everything he is. He’s up in Monterey at the minute, but they’re heading back to L.A. to catch up before I go back to New York.”

“He sounds cool,” Nick says, one hand on the wheel, the other resting in his lap as he casts quick looks my way, before looking back at the road. “Must be nice to realise who you are and be able to live that life.”

“Yeah,” I nod, wondering if that is what Nick is hoping to achieve. “It only took him fifty-three years to get there though.”

“Fuck,” Nick laughs. “Well, maybe there is hope for me yet.”

I want to ask, but don’t. I can wait. Even though the curiosity is eating me alive.

“What about your mom?”

“She remarried within six months. She’s your typical Beverley Hills housewife, used to a certain standard of living. She doesn’t like to work either. Dad still pays her alimony even though her new husband is loaded. They couldn’t be any different. I don’t know how dad stayed as long as he did.”

“Probably for you and your sisters,” Nick says.

“Yeah, maybe. The main thing is everyone is happy now. I might not agree with mom’s way of life, but she is happy. I guess that is what everyone wants out of life.”

We trail off there and I sit back in the seat and watch the world flying by out of the window. He cranks up the music, rolls down the windows and just enjoys the drive. I let my eyes close, enjoying the wind on my face. My phone vibrates in my purse, jolting me about twenty minutes later. I glance at the screen.

“It’s Jenna,” I tell Nick.

“What does she have to say for herself?”

“Are you and Nick going somewhere nice? Don’t rush home.”

Nick laughs. “Love that chick.”

“She is pretty amazing.”

We arrive at Malibu about half an hour later. I don’t come out here often so didn’t realise how long it would take. It’s nearing two in the afternoon. I decide to leave Jenna guessing and don’t respond but I do text Remi to say his ride has been carnapped, and it’s likely he won’t see it again for a long time. He sent back a bunch of smiley emoji and says he’s going out for drinks with Chase and another friend and to enjoy myself.

“You okay with El Matador beach?” Nick asks.

“I’ve never been,” I tell him.

“There are a few stairs down the side of a cliff, it’s kinda steep, bit of a hike but it’s one of the best beaches out here, usually pretty quiet too because of the scary ass way down.”

“Sounds perfect to me, I love hiking and climbing.”

“Really? He asks. “Good to know.”

After we arrive and park, Nick fortuitously finds a blanket in the back of the car, which he tosses over his shoulder, and we head over to the stairway that leads down to the beach. Just looking at the view from the top almost takes my breath away. He wasn’t kidding about the stairway. They’re pretty sturdy though, if rusty and old, but I’m not afraid of heights and I meant it, hiking and climbing is one of my favourite things to do.

I’m enjoying myself and trying not to overthink what is going on here. I know our friends have forced us into this situation, but I’m not mad about it. The whole day so far has been fun. Even if the conversation coming is heavy, it’s something I’ve wanted for a long time.

It doesn’t take long and once we’re down the stairs, I slip off my shoes, scrunch my toes in the sand and let out a huge sigh. Nick laughs, grabs my hand and tugs me along. I let him, our fingers curl together. I try not to let it go to my head. I need to remember what Meg said last night. I cannot forsake my own happiness for anyone. Yet, it’s impossible to wipe the smile off my face right now.

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