Page 86 of Touch in the Dark

“Fucked,” he says matter-of-factly.

My mouth opens and closes and Nick laughs. I slap his arm, but it’s hardly got much behind it.

“Sorry, look, in all seriousness, something did happen after I left your place. It’s something I’ve needed to face for a long time. It’s been in my head to do it, but I let… other things stop me from taking the first step.”

“Nick, I’ve no idea what you mean,” I say, genuinely confused.

“Sorry, I’m doing this all wrong. Okay,” he scrubs a hand down his face.

I reach out and put my hand on his arm. All joking aside, it seems like he is trying to tell me something serious and is struggling. This is a huge step in the right direction for him, so I need to make sure he doesn’t crawl back in on himself. I want to know what it is. I want to know him. If we have any hope, he needs to open more than just his arms and his pants.

Jesus, I push that thought aside quickly.

“You can tell me,” I say, trying to encourage him.

“It’s pretty easy to find out stuff about me, my past. You know, my mom passing away when I was a kid, being raised by my grandma. I’ve never discussed or answered any questions about my dad, even though it’s obvious I grew up without one. Bianca, for all her faults, always made sure anyone interviewing us didn’t ask me about that.”

“It’s really no one’s business,” I say, offended on his behalf.

“Yeah, try telling that to the public. Being who I am, I’m fair game.”

“I know that, but it’s not right.”

“There are a lot of things that happen around us that aren’t right, no one cares. If people think there is a story there, or something sensational, they want to get the scoop. But it’s always been the one thing I’ve never been willing to talk about. With anyone. The guys know, they’re my best friends and we don’t keep secrets from one another but, other than that… Even Bianca isn’t aware of the whole story, just that there was no dad in the picture, and I don’t want to discuss him. By extension that meant no questions about my mom. It doesn’t stop people doing it though, they don’t care that it hurts the person.”

I hate how the world works when it comes to celebrities. I’ve seen it close up with Remi, people guessing about his sexuality until he was forced to discuss it. All the vitriolic comments he gets about playing a leading man in a romance film, when he’s into guys. But that is what acting is. Remi doesn’t flaunt his sexuality, he doesn’t really talk about it full stop. When he’s with someone, he protects them because he doesn’t want that shit coming into his life. So, I get it, I do. Nick’s situation is different, no less than Remi’s but different, heart breaking. I don’t spend a lot of time with my own mom but that doesn’t mean I don’t love her and wouldn’t be broken if she passed. Going through that at fifteen, with your only parent, must have been horrendous for Nick.

Even though Jenna partially explained this to me, I hadn’t really thought about it this much before.

“I’m sorry you have to put up with that, Nick.”

“It comes with the territory. But that isn’t what I want to talk about,” he sighs and sits back again, and I notice the server hovering. We’ve been here a while now and it looks like they’re getting busy for the lunch crowd. “We should maybe leave?” he says.

“We’re paying customers,” I point out.

“Yeah, but a walk will be good. Or I could drive us to the beach? You love the beach, right? We can pick this up there, is that okay?”

It looks as if he needs this, so I agree. We double check the bill actually has been taken care of, which it has. Nick still leaves them a generous tip and thanks everyone as we leave, even pausing to sign a few autographs. I stand back and watch him interact with people. After everything he just told me, about how intrusive people can be in his life, he is still taking the time to talk with them, take pictures and sign things. And he isn’t doing it in a hurried, let me get the hell out of here kind of way either, he’s talking to them, and listening.

He catches me looking and winks. I try to suppress a smile as I look away. He finishes up and we head outside.

“Shit, I forgot I came with Archer,” he tips his head back.

“Looks like Remi left me his car,” I point to the sleek black Maserati we arrived in. A valet comes over then and says he’s got the keys. “They thought of everything huh?”

“I’d expect nothing less from Jenna,” Nick says, as we walk to the car, his eyes never leaving my best friends’ vehicle.

I roll my eyes. “You want to drive?”

“Are you serious?” Nick’s eyes go wide in excitement. I’m not at all bothered about it, so I hand him the keys and head to the passenger side. “This is an MC20,” Nick tells me as he lifts the door, grinning like a kid at Christmas.

“Cool,” I say, as unenthused about it as I was when Remi first bought it. It’s a car. Although, I did get a kick out of the doors that open upwards instead of outwards.

“This is the shit,” Nick says as he slides into the seat. “Scissor doors, dual exhausts, bucket seats.”

“You’re not going to convince me to buy one,” I laugh. Like I could ever afford it. “So, no need to point out its design features.” I don’t think he even hears me as he starts the car up and squeezes the steering wheel, he revs the engine and looks giddier than I’ve ever seen anyone look.

“How concerned will Remi be about his mileage?”

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