Page 45 of Calculated Chaos

He parts his lips to let me in, and I sink into his taste once again. Today it’s strawberries and cream, but there’s another different, underlying sweetness that teases me to taste more. Hollister grips my back as we rub together, this time without any clothes between us, our cocks turning sticky with precum from both of us.

“Can I touch you?”

“Yes,” he moans. “Fuck, yes.”

I slide my hand down between us, taking my first handful of dick. Hollister’s dick. He’s just as hard and hot as I am, but touching him like this is beyond weird. Not bad weird, just brain short circuiting weird. I suck gently on his neck as I stroke him, rubbing myself on his thigh. Hollister bucks against me, his breathing heavy and moans soft.

I suck his neck harder, knowing I’ll leave a mark, and the image of that in my mind sends another stream of precum shooting from my cock. Have I ever been this turned on in my life? If I have, I don’t remember. All I know is right now, I want Hollister to come more than I want anything else. I want to swallow his cries and rub our slick and sticky bodies together until we fall asleep again from exhaustion.

“Can you imagine what it would feel like if you let me fuck you, Holl?” I whisper, nipping at his earlobe.

“Oh fuck, Ax,” he moans. “Do you… do you want to?”

“Someday, yeah.” Releasing his cock, I tug at his thigh to pull his leg up, balancing on my other elbow so I can stroke him better. “You can fuck me too. We’ll see what we like more.”

A low, guttural sound leaves Hollister as he squeezes my shoulders and throws his head back. His cock pulses in my grip, shooting streams of sticky cum. It slides down my hand as I stroke him slowly until he trembles and flinches. His body heat and the scent of his cum waft around me, making my stomach do flips as I join him in release.

I bury my face against his neck, riding it out as I hump against his softening cock. Hollister wraps his legs around my waist, kissing and biting sweetly on my neck as his hands twist in my hair. I slump against him, shifting most of my weight to the mattress, but he doesn’t let me go, and I don’t want him to.

As we lie together, slowly coming back to earth, my chest feels tight, but in a good way. I’m filled with so many things I want to say, but I keep my mouth shut. I know Hollister and he doesn’t need a bunch of emotional word vomit right now. He needs my closeness.

“Fuck,” Hollister whispers.

“You okay?”

“Definitely. I’m better than okay. I’m astounded.”

“Yeah. Me too.” Rising slightly, I search his face. He looks gorgeous with his hair messed up and flushed cheeks. “Nap?”

He nods, straining his neck to give me a soft kiss. “Nap.”

* * *

I wake before Hollister and head to the living room to research how to join Chaos. As I look over the membership details on their website, a mixture of excitement and terror swirls around me. I’m so curious about this hidden side of me, and happy I can explore it with Holl by my side, but the thought hits me that this could blow up on us.

What if we cross too many lines we can’t get back from? What if we’re not really into each other and this is just a blip? What if this is what breaks our friendship?

Slumping on the couch, I rub my forehead. We really just jumped into this headfirst, and last night it all seemed like a great idea, but fuck. What were we thinking? Now I’m feeling bad that I pushed Holl into something he hasn’t had time to think through. That’s not like him. I’m the one who makes impulsive decisions and lives to regret them, not him.

Oh fuck. What if I screwed up? What if all of this is a mistake? Is it too late to stop it? But if I pump the brakes, will I hurt his feelings? What if he thinks I’m not into him? Am I into him? My dick sure is, and kissing him is… nice. But is this really how we want our relationship to be? Do we want to shift from friends to romance when neither of us have ever been into dudes before?

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

“Ax?”

I turn my head to see Hollister standing in the hallway, wearing only his briefs with his hair a mess. My stomach instantly flutters in response. That’s gotta mean something, right?

“Hey.”

“What are you doing?”

“Just, um…” Panicking. Questioning my entire existence. Wondering if I’m about to ruin the best thing in my life. “Nothing.”

Hollister snorts a laugh and ambles over to plop down beside me. “You sure?”

“Actually, I was looking up how to join Chaos. If we still think we want to.”

“What’s involved?”

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