Page 44 of Calculated Chaos

“What do you think people will say if they find out?” Hollister asks.

My brow crinkles. “Uh, I don’t know. Haven’t thought about it. Guess maybe I don’t care.”

He scoffs, nodding. “That makes sense. I care too much about what people think.”

I reach out and drag my hand down his arm. “The people who love us will be happy if we’re happy. Even if it takes them a minute to get it. I think right now we just have to figure things out for ourselves before we worry about the outside world.”

“Right. I’m jumping ahead.”

“One tiny, calculated step at a time.”

Hollister chuckles. “So, um, besides what we did, I’ve been thinking a lot about this submissive side of myself I’m just discovering.”

“Yeah, same. Never had a clue that I’d be into dominating someone, but…” My words drift off as I consider what to say next. I don’t want to freak him out too fast, but I want to be honest. “Honestly, I feel like it’s kind of a you and me dynamic. Like something in me just wants to give you everything you need and want. I didn’t want to spank Everly or the other guys. Just you.”

Hollister’s cheeks turn pink and he licks his lips. “When it was Blaze doing stuff at first, it was… how do I describe it?” He twists his lips for a second as he works it out. “It was cool but kind of strange and uncomfortable. Until you took over.” He smiles. “Then it was like opening the cage.”

“Yeah. I want to explore it more. With you.”

“Me too. Do you, um, think… maybe we could, um…”

“Join Chaos?”

Hollister releases his breath, nodding. “Yeah. It feels like a safe place to play and explore this.”

“I think so too. It’ll help us find out how far we want to go and learn how to do things correctly.”

“Yeah, ’cause, um, when they talked about rope bondage…” He chuckles, his cheeks turning bright red now. “That sounded exciting.”

“Yeah?” I drag a finger down his chest. “You think you’d like me to tie you up, make you helpless?”

Hollister’s eyes glaze over as he nods. “Yeah, I think I’d like that.”

“Mmhmm. And what else do you want to try?”

“I want…” His voice cracks and he clears his throat. “I want you to take the decision-making away from me. I want you to decide what happens. I’m so tired of all the responsibilities and decisions I have to make just to get through my day. I’m exhausted by how tightly I control my environment. I want to give in and let go, and I know I can do that with you. I know I can trust you to pick me up if I fall.”

“You’ll never fall, Holl, not with me around.”

“Is that what you want too?” he asks. “You want to be in charge of me?”

“Jesus, Holl, when you say it like that…”

“Too much?”

“No.” I scoot closer, my breath catching as our cocks brush together under the blankets. “I want whatever will make you happy. I think that’s what I’ve always wanted. I’ll gladly take care of you, Hollister.”

“I want to take care of you too, but like, differently, obviously. I want you to be happy and find what you need.”

“That’s what we’re doing.” Leaning in, I brush our lips together. Hollister’s little gasp lights me up. “Damn, Holl. It’s kind of wild that it took us so long to see how much we wanted this.”

He nods. “Like you said earlier, maybe we had to take the long road to see what was always right here.”

“And you’re not freaking out about it?”

He grins shyly. “Maybe a little bit, but I can handle it. I want this, Ax.”

I roll on top of him, eating up his sweet moan as our bodies press together. “Worth the wait,” I murmur as I close my mouth over his.

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