Page 125 of Haze

After a few moments of silence, he continues. “He has Quartermasters that can deal with him if he goes off book.”

I can’t imagine what it must feel like not to be able to go to your siblings. Even with how busy Cade was when he worked for Corinth Security full-time, he would call me back if I called. And if I needed Deacon, he would sober up as quickly as he could.

“And Ma”—Finn’s face lights up—“is a submissive.”

“What?” I question densely, dropping the bucket I’d been working on.

Finn nods in confirmation.

“Your mother, didn’t she run the entire place after your father was arrested?”

This doesn’t compute. My brain cannot wrap my mind around how intense she must be. The control she must have to squash her wolf down so low that no one would know.

“Stop,” Finn interrupts my chaos-filled brain. He sets his bucket on the counter and runs the back of his knuckles along my jaw before cradling my head. “Your wheels are spinning, and I can see it.” He waits for me to adjust and pay attention to him. “Everyone knows Ma is a submissive.” Finn’s words shut me down entirely.

“Everyone knows?” I repeat slowly. “No. I had no idea.”

Finn snorts. “Well. I guess not everyone, but those who worked with her were all very much aware that Ma’s a submissive. That doesn’t stop her from getting business done.”

“How?”

There has to be an answer, a way, a logical answer I can quantify. If I could do what she’s done, life would be so much easier.

“You won’t like the answer, faolan.” Finn’s hand leaves my face as he crouches down and picks up the bucket I was working on.

“It doesn’t matter,” I answer him. “I need to know.”

“Ma balanced her submissive through Da,” he explains while setting my bucket on the countertop. “A submissive wolf stops being outwardly submissive everywhere in their life when they have a safe place to be themselves.”

Told you we needed a mate for a reason. My wolf snorts. The high and mighty flick of her nose and soft wag of her tail is the ultimate ‘told you so, I’m right’ if I ever did hear one.

I bite my tongue and wrinkle my nose.

“You see the irony in all this, right?” Finn is fighting to hold back a smile, the corner of his mouth threatening to turn up into one.

“I don’t mind being submissive during sex. I think that should be enough.” My chest aches. Why couldn’t it be anything else? Why did it have to be this?

“Faolan, you submit so beautifully in bed.” Finn bites his tongue for a minute before refocusing. “And when you submit outside of the bedroom, it’s like that first pull out of the bottle.”

It feels like I’m in a different conversation. I can count a few occasions where I’ve said fuck it and didn’t fight him. Is that what he means?

“Sometimes it’s not worth fighting with you.” I roll my eyes.

Picking my bucket back up, I reorganize it and start down the line again. I find my eyes wandering back to him. He’s always there in my peripheral vision.

“Every time you let me care for you, it’s a little bit more submission that you freely give,” Finn assures me.

I bite my lips together. “Yeah. But was it submitting?”

“Wasn’t it?” Finn pushes the question back. “Lena, I wish I had a way to explain to you that it doesn’t have to be a constant fight. Yes, there are some things I’m not willing to negotiate on, but I don’t think they’re truthfully that difficult to manage. I want to know where you are. I want to know you’re safe. I want to be sure that you’re doing what you can to stay healthy.”

Finn stays right with me, walking our buckets down the countertop.

“It’s getting impossible to tell my wolf no,” I admit, having to dig apart my emotions to find words. “All she thinks about is finding and seeing you. It’s this constant worry about doing things to make you happy. She loves this idea of listening to all your damn suggestions.”

“Rules,” he interrupts.

“Suggestions.” I continue. “It’s getting to be that I’m no longer in control. I no longer matter. It’s you and her, and I’m stuck between the two of you. There’s no...”

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