Page 124 of Haze

“I want to help.” He pushes, “Show me how you want the tables.”

I demonstrate how the tables should go in a mini-stadium effect toward the projector screen, and he continues to do as I ask.

“Seeing you every day this week has been amazing.” Finn smiles as he pops the legs out on one of the small tables.

“I know. I’m really pretty to look at.” I brush off his compliment, going back to pulling out boxes of crayons and coloring pages I’d stored last month.

“That’s not what I mean,” Finn corrects firmly, wanting to make his point known. “Do you know how special you are?”

“Well, I mean, I get pretty high marks across the board in STEM-related classes, but women would be more inclined to study STEM if it was encouraged from a young age,” I sass, crossing the room to show him the chairs for the tables.

Finn intercepts my course. “That’s not what I meant.”

To accentuate that I know what he meant, I roll my eyes. “Having a submissive wolf means I’m rare enough to be seen as a commodity or a prize to be won but not rare enough to be unheard of or mythical.”

“Why are you so pessimistic?” Finn’s hands come to rest on my biceps, keeping me from walking away. He gives me a statistic that I’m sure is unverified. “You’re one in twenty thousand.”

“Mmm, sounds delightful. Nineteen thousand nine hundred and ninety-nine other wolves should be thankful I took this burden for them.” I don’t bother looking to see the perturbed look he’s giving me. Instead, I break away and go back to the chairs.

Finn sets them up while I start making my assembly line on the counter. Crayons, scissors, papers, marker, glue sticks, instructions, cups, caddies for snacks, and more.

I’m well aware of Finn watching me work. The silence between us isn’t uncomfortable.

“You’ve always wanted to be working in the sciences?”

His voice breaking the silence with a change of subject is quick. I wasn’t expecting it.

“Uhm. I guess.” I shrug, noncommittal. Silence invites me to continue speaking. “I knew what I was, and my father—no.” I correct myself. “The man who raised me made sure that his trusted circle knew what I was. He wanted to leverage me, and that part I never understood. But I wanted to matter beyond what I am. There’s nothing more lacking for shifter women than the ability to control our bodies. No one has developed anything since the first suppressant for heat. And in a limited number of cases, the suppressant can lead to infertility.”

My eyes prick with tears. No, we’re not thinking about it. We’re not visiting that I’ve ruined it.

I shake my head, but the thought doesn’t leave.

I’m not thinking about the fact that maybe he doesn’t want me if I can’t have pups.

“You decided to make your mark by trying to find a better way,” Finn offers as his footsteps indicate walking closer across the basement floor.

“Exactly,” I answer. Moving down the line, I make the first of many buckets for the tables. Finn doesn’t ask another question in the time that it takes to finish that pass, so I spit out a question as soon as I get back to the start of the row. “What was it like being an Enforcer for the Mafia?”

Finn laughs as he stands next to me, watching as I start the next pass on my assembly line. “Probably more boring than you’re expecting.”

“Tying cement blocks on people’s feet must get pretty blah after a while.” I grin.

“You know it does.” Finn rolls his eyes. He’s fighting back a laugh but does answer my question. “It’s people and inventory management. Who is where? What shipment is coming in? Is it all there?”

“So, it’s really not any different from what you’re doing for Doctor Thorpe?” I never actually considered he was truly qualified for his job. Which may be a bit more condescending than I should admit aloud.

Finn shrugs it off and starts making up a bucket, following my lead.

“Do you enjoy it? Inventory management?” I grimace because there’s no way I would be able to do that sort of task day in and day out.

“No. And I intend to do it very quickly, with a lot of help from the department heads,” Finn answers with a laugh and then a heavy sigh. “I want to find something with more meaning in life. But I took the first job I was qualified for to get established.”

“I can see where it might be time to do something new. What’s it like back home? I know your brother, well, of him. He’s hard to miss. And you mentioned your ma?” I take this chance to learn about Finn. I feel like I know nothing, but I don’t think it’s because he’s hiding it as much as it is my lack of attempt to connect.

“Magnus...” Finn’s hands stop moving for a moment. “Magnus is troubled. I thought it was the weight of the world on his shoulders, but it’s deeper than that. He’s very much his way or the highway. We’ve had our fair share of disagreements, but it wasn’t until recently that I really saw how much some things were getting to him.”

Looking up at him, I see Finn shake his head. It doesn’t feel like he’s done.

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