Page 126 of Haze

I can’t say the last word. I can’t.

“Choice.” Finn completes it. He says that stupid word.

Chapter 41

Finn

Lena nods when I offer the word choice. I follow her, taking the bucket to the smallest children’s table and then back to the beginning of the assembly line. She walks fast as if she thinks outpacing me in the basement will get her away from the conversation.

“I’m a nightmare to love. I don’t want to be held or comforted. I don’t want to be doted on, and I don’t need someone to buy me flowers. And I’m okay with that. I’m okay with no one to love on me because I know that it’s impossible. I’m too independent, too much chaos, and too much work to try and keep up with. The most I can hope for is a nice quiet life where I’m not constantly forced into boxes of someone else’s making.” Lena stops when she reaches the countertop.

“Kathleen,” I growl, cutting her off.

My chest aches with anger that this is how she sees herself. This—God, this is how she sees herself.

When she falls silent, I turn her to face me and raise her chin to look me in the eye. “You are not hard to love. You are not a nightmare or impossible. It’s okay that not everyone can handle or deal with you. It’s okay that you won’t fit in the little molds others have tried to put you in.”

Her body squirms, starting with her shoulders stiffening and flexing. Lena says nothing.

I continue fighting the urge to pull her close. “You say you don’t want hugs and comfort. You don’t want someone to take care of you or bring you sentimental things. But, Kathleen, what is it you need? What language do you need someone to express their love to you? Because I’ll do it. Kathleen, I’ve been built for you. Everything in my entire life has led me to you. All I’m asking is for you to let me show you, try it my way, and let me give you what you need.”

“How?” Her voice croaks.

Is she actually considering this? I nod, not looking a gift horse in the mouth. “Let me lead. Stop with your smart mouth and hear me. Think it through when I ask for something from you. You’ve called me a control freak and always read into things way too much. Why would I ever leave you half-cocked?”

“Why does this sound like if I don’t follow you to a T, I’ll spend hours at a time being uncomfortable sitting down?” She starts with a snarky tone, but by the end of the question, she’s all but become earnest.

I smile, giving her that look I’ve seen her react to so very well. “I can come up with much more creative punishments if you don’t want to be spanked.”

Lena cocks her head. There’s an air of disbelief around her before she shakes it. “I need to be free, Finn. I need to have choices and to be able to make them.”

“But not too many,” I state my observations with her wardrobe, “because they get too overwhelming.”

Her eyes widen, and she speaks again. “I need some spontaneity. I don’t like to do the same shit all the time. I need to do things because I want to.”

“All I need is for you to ask me,” I tell her. I don’t dare breathe for fear she’ll shut down.

She averts her gaze. “I don’t want to be told no.”

“If it’s safe and we don’t have other plans, why would I say no?” I smile.

Lena negotiating with me is so fucking sexy, and I want to reward her so badly.

“You can’t be with me every second of every day,” she growls.

It’s adorable how she’s connecting better with her wolf.

“I’ll make do,” I sigh and concede. “Know that I want to be. I want to be ingrained in your heart so deeply that there’s not a moment you ever feel alone.”

She waits for the edge of my negotiation, and I provide it. “You need to keep your phone on and with you. Don’t make me hunt you down. Be responsible.”

“But I need space.” She shifts her body, leaning closer to me in contrast to her words.

“I will respect your space under the condition you eat three meals a day and go to bed at a reasonable hour.” I pause. Shit. “Coffee, hot chocolate, water, alcohol, and single fruit or vegetable don’t count as meals. Reasonable meaning you need more than five hours of sleep a night.”

Lena puffs her cheeks out. “I need...”

I wait for her to pick her thought back up. She hangs her head before rolling it back up to look at the ceiling. Bringing her hand to her shoulder, she rests it on the spot where my bite mark has healed into a beautiful silver scar.

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