Page 32 of Knot Their Reality

Even as I speak the words, his scent hits me, distracting me. I inhale deeply, wanting to get a true taste of it, and I'm not disappointed. It is an interesting mix of cinnamon and nutmeg with hints of white pepper and musk. It's almost like a spicy hot chocolate—if you hold the hot chocolate. Okay, maybe that isn't the correct comparison. It's so unique it's hard to make a comparison. I'm sure my mind won't let it go until it figures it out.

He's definitely an alpha. What are they doing? Sending me one beta a day? That would certainly mean there were more than in the first season, though not as many as I would've hoped for. Due to past traumas, I was hoping for a pack with multiple betas.

Don't get me wrong, I know I need to deal with my trauma, and I want to—it's just hard. But Bree hired a psychologist to work with the omegas, so I'll have someone here to speak to whenever I need to. Our first scheduled meeting is after the last group date and before the first rose ceremony. Apparently, he's already here, so if I need to speak with him before then, I can.

Damn, I really need to stop getting lost in my mind. I force myself to focus on Paxton.

He doesn't seem to mind that I don't recognize him or that I momentarily checked out. "I'm the lead guitarist for Avenge. Now I'm not sure if you've heard of us or not."

"It sounds vaguely familiar. Rock?"

He nods, chuckling. "So you might have heard us before?"

"It's possible. Believe it or not, I can be terrible with names—which should make for an interesting week or so here."

"I can imagine. Make sure you look us up later. Maybe once you've heard a song, you'll know who I am, so I can go back to bragging about my band."

I snort. "I mean, you're welcome to brag about it now, but it might miss its mark until I'm sure I have any idea of who the hell your band is."

"Nah," he says with a laugh. "I think I'll wait."

"Since you're not going to be telling me about your band, why don't you tell me more about yourself?"

"Now that I can do. I'm a thirty-two-year-old alpha who's never felt the need to completely grow up. I've been in Avenge since we started it back in high school and we were signed at eighteen and hit it big. So for the last fourteen years, I've been touring and living life to the fullest. Then one day it hit me.

"I was the only remaining member of the band who didn't have a pack or a significant other. They want to start to slow down because they have kids or are getting ready to have kids. Meanwhile, I'm nowhere near that point. But I want to be. It's what made me sign up for Heated. I haven't really done the dating thing before, but I can't imagine it would be easy looking for someone who doesn't just want me for my money, you know?"

I nod slowly. "For sure. I can't even begin to imagine what it would be like. The good news is that while I'm sure you have a hell of a lot more money than me, I don't need it. I make more than enough money. I don't need a pack that makes enough money to support me because I can support myself."

"Which is totally badass, and I support one hundred percent. Maybe you can be my sugar mama." He nods, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. "Then I could just sit at home eating Bon Bons and watching soap operas."

I like Paxton. He's laid back and easy to talk to. It's obvious that he's proud of his band and what they've made of themselves, but he doesn't seem to be an egomaniac. Plus, the idea of him sitting on my couch wearing a bathrobe while watching soap operas is hilarious.

Apparently, soap operas had practically died off by the time of The Event, but they’re really popular now. Based upon what I’ve seen in movies and the little bit I’ve read about back then, the world isn’t much different from how it was back then. I know technology hasn’t advanced as quickly as it did in the beginning of the twenty-first century as all funds for research and development were moved to studying the biology of what humans had become.

I don't follow the topic all that much, seeing as I lack abundant free time, but I know that some companies are finally branching out from only researching designations. They're finally figuring out how to allow people to transition into other designations, so the next thing they need to figure out is why we're so low in female and omega births. Without women, the species will go extinct, and that's not something any of us want.

"I mean, if that's your kink, I might be able to get behind it," I say with a shrug after pulling myself from my thoughts. I have to make a conscious effort to be sure that I don't lose myself to my thoughts too often when I'm here with my suitors. It's something I'm used to doing as a lawyer who works alone more often than not.

The laughter that spills from him tells me I’ve surprised him, but then it becomes a full-bellied laugh, and I can’t help but laugh with him. This is so much better than fangirling over him and being so flipping anxious. I wish everyone was this easy to talk to—though for most of them, it isn’t the suitors’ fault so much as my own. I’m just not used to dealing with people so frequently. And especially not sharing so many details about myself.

It's also nice to see how he can move from the rockstar with a huge ego to an everyday alpha. I understand, better than most, the need to wear a mask.

"It might not be right now, but I could probably get behind it." Paxton grins before allowing it to drop away. "It would be easy for me to fall into something like that, though. I'll be the first to admit that I'm a bit on the lazy side and I've been known to be quite irresponsible. But that isn't how I want to be. I can't believe I've made it to thirty-two and still act like a teenager."

I reach out to give his hand a squeeze as he shakes his head, disgust at himself clear on his face. "I'm sure it was easy to not have to grow up when you had people who were willing to bend over backward to help you with anything you needed. Don't be too hard on yourself. At least you've realized it's an issue and want to fix it. That sounds like someone who wants to grow up to me."

His mouth quirks up on one side into a semblance of a smile. "I really do. I just can't believe it took me this long to recognize that how I've been living isn't sustainable if I want to find a pack and an omega."

"All you can do is take it one step at a time, day by day." I grin, realizing that Reginald is once again flagging me down. "Unfortunately, it seems our time is up. Why don't we head over to the other suitors so you can meet them?"

For the first time, Paxton's eyes lift away from me as I turn around. There's a round of quick introductions before we find ourselves following Bree toward the house. It's already been a long day, and I know I still have hours of spending time with these four new suitors.

I have no idea how Bree did this. Meeting so many new people is exhausting, especially as I'm trying to get to know each of them. At least I get about twenty-four hours with each set of four, unlike Bree.

Even with as much as I've enjoyed meeting these four men, I'm already counting down the minutes until I can hide in my nest to decompress for just a few minutes. It's probably not fair to the suitors, but sometimes I just need to get away from it all. At least I'm not running to my nest when I should be at dinner with them. That's what matters, right?

Who cares that all the relaxation from the spa earlier has disappeared?

---