Page 85 of Heavy Shot

"I'm not that forgetful," she smiled crookedly, trying to balance out the salt in his tone."It's only a few weeks, August.And anyway, why would I give up what I have with you?"

He’d already been gone for three weeks. She’d been desperately lonely for the first few days, but then threw herself into the pre-production meetings for Devil’s Party, and onto the nightlife circuit Kline was still running for Lone Star. She’d spent hours with Clara, talking about her brand and planning for partnerships, and was excited about the prospect of building up an image that would transcend her actual life story.

To that end, Clara had introduced her to a few fame-adjacent women, like a starter kit for a social group, and Jill was trying to nurture friendship to life with them in a WhatsApp group chat and a weekly Tuesday brunch. It was maddening that August suspected she was so focused on Kline. She was focused on her plan.

With branding deals, she could cut her five-year-plan down to three. She had fantasized about a cozy life with August. They would have a place in LA, probably his place, and her apartment in New York, but also a cabin in Aspen, and someplace in the south of France. Since he was so standoffish about the idea of children, she allowed herself only one in the fantasy.

They would adopt, maybe a baby from the village where they had their home in France. It would be on a vineyard, and they would entertain artists and politicians, and the most fabulous people she could think of. Everyone would praise August’s taste in how he had decorated their villa, and she would–

"It's Kline." August’s voice interrupted her thoughts.

"Kline?”

“Yes. You’ve given up what you’ve had with me twice. You’ve dumped me twice for Kline.”

“I’m a whole grown-up now! I was a child then. My brain wasn’t finished developing. Now that I have a whole frontal lobe to work with, I see the error of my ways.” She reached to touch his hand. “Why would I waste this–what you and I have–to jump in bed with someone who is only going to decide a week later that I cramp his style?"

August rolled his eyes and played with his food, sulking."You're going away with him this weekend. You probably can’t wait until I’m gone so you can resume your photo ops.”

There were plans to take Jack back to the San Diego Zoo, but Roland and his girlfriend, and a couple of his kids, and Clara and Kim, and Delia were going too. It was more like traveling with a circus thangoing away with him. She withdrew her hand and asked, “Have I really made you feel that way? Do you really feel like I don’t want to be here with you?”

“No,” he said grudgingly. “But I’ve seen all the pictures of you out and about with him and his son. You all look very happy together.”

“We are happy together. We’re friends. But, Gus–August–that’s all it is. When we were in New York, I think Kline really broke my heart for the last time. Well,” she sipped her wine and sat back in her chair. “I think I accepted my place with him.”

“You’re not in love with him anymore?”

“No. And I can say that with a clear heart. I’m not in love with him. I have a whole brain I’m working with now.” She grinned, hoping to cheer him along with her humor.

He sighed. “But you have loved him before.”

“Come on. Be fair."He wouldn't look at her and she frowned then said, "You love me, August, but you aren't in love with me.Are you afraid you're going to meet and fall in love with someone?Or afraid that I'm going to fall in love with someone?"

His eyes came up to meet hers, full of hurt and surprise. "I am in love with you, Jill. I've always been in love with you. I'm not worried that I'll meet someone else because I have you. I am worried that you're going to fall right back into the same pattern with Kline that you did before. You seem to have forgiven him for all he's done to you, then and now. I find that worrisome, okay?"

"August," again, she reached across the table for his hand."Don't worry.I'm happy. I’m with you because I want to be with you. Because I love you.”

"Good, I want you to be happy. You've been through enough unhappiness in your life."

"Are you really in love with me, August?" she asked seriously."I mean passionately.I know you love me, and I know it's deep and strong.But in love?Are you in love?"

“Since the first time I saw you.”

Her heart sank a little, but she smiled in spite of it. Her mother had always said that in every couple, there was one partner who loved the other more, and it was better to be the partner who loved least. She could love August as much as she did and still be happy. She was sure of it. Then again, advice from her mother was seldom worth taking"So, we'll live happily ever after? Are you going to design my future wedding gown, or Vera Wang?"

"I hope we'll live happily ever after," he said, "but I wouldn't put too much planning in for a wedding, love."

She laughed, "Oh, I forgot.You hate children and you're allergic to weddings.You wouldn't even marry me, August?Not even me?"

"I would love you, tend to you, and keep you for the rest of our days, Jill. That's the same as being married."

"If it's the same, as you say, then why not add, 'I will love, honor, and cherish you, Mrs. August Hall' to that?"

"I will happily love, honor, and cherish you, dear. And if you want to change your name to Hall, you go right ahead. I wouldn't stop you."

"But you wouldn't marry me?"

"I'd think you'd have had your fill of marriage.Once wasn't enough?"

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