Page 62 of Ends of Being

I stare at him for a few moments and then ask, “How exactly did I survive jumping off a roof?”

That makes him laugh, and I can’t help but smile and shake my head. “It’s a perfectly reasonable question, Tony. I jumped off a fucking building and lived.”

“A miracle? A merciful act of god? I have no idea how you didn’t die in that fall. It looked like you managed to turn over in the air, so that fucking asshole absorbed most of the impact.”

I swallow the lump in my throat, then ask, “And you’re sure he’s dead?”

Tony’s eyes widen a bit, then he gives a humorless laugh. “He’s most definitely dead. His brain was splattered all over the pavement. I scraped him off there myself and then set his body on fire. No way he lived through that.”

“Jesus, Tony,” I huff out, choking on a small laugh at his description.

He shrugs, straightening in his chair and stretching his legs out in front of him as he continues, almost whispering, “We thought you were dead.” He pauses, his eyes glancing downward for a moment before moving back up to my face. “Dare, man. That guy was beside himself before we even got down to the parking lot. Matt had to hold him back, and he ended up with a busted nose for his troubles. When I got to you, fuck. You were a mess.”

He stops talking and just stares into space over my shoulder. I reach a foot out and poke his shin. “It’s okay, Tony. I want to know. I need to know.”

“You were wearing someone’s jacket, and that was it. I could see you were covered in a rainbow of cuts and bruises, and then there was the blood. Even with the rain, there was so much blood. It wasn’t until we got you inside that we realized most of the blood wasn’t yours, but for those first few moments, it was like time stood still. And then, Dare went completely ballistic, which was, you know, super fun. It wasn’t until he picked you up to take you out of there that we found out you were, indeed, not dead.”

“So, I was saved from certain death by landing on top of jackoff. That’s insane.”

“You’re not fucking kidding,” he retorts. “We took you to Dare’s house and had one of the docs come in with his staff. They managed to nurse your physical wounds easily enough, but there wasn’t anything they could do about your mind.”

I frown, sitting back on the couch as I ask, “Did I suffer a head trauma or something?”

Tony shakes his head. “No. Your loss of memory was caused by mental trauma, which meant all we could do was wait for you to remember. All the doctors Dare spoke to, and there were many, were all very clear about not pushing information on you for fear it would push you further over the edge. So, Dare decided it would be best for you to go about your daily life as if nothing had happened, and we would watch you from a distance until the time came when you needed us to fill in the blanks for you.”

“And this was no easy feat, given he had to come up with countless cover stories for all the people in your life, from your job to your mysterious family. Luckily, your family was mostly silent, but explaining to your employer that you’d had a debilitating accident while also coming up with a feasible backstory for your own missing memories. I mean, it was exhausting for the first few weeks there. And then there was the stress of accepting that you weren’t remembering anything at all, and it was obviously going to go on indefinitely. Dare had an excruciating time accepting all of that.”

“But you’ve all been with me this entire time?”

“Oh, yeah,” he says. “We used to argue over who got to follow you in the fun places.”

I smile. “And who usually won?”

“No one. We’d all just go because it’s better to have more eyes on you in public situations like that.”

I laugh quietly, amused as well as appalled that these men have been my shadow for months. A sob gets caught in my throat, and I choke out, “What now, Tony? What do we do now?”

His features shift into coldness as he replies, “Now, we figure out what went down in that warehouse. We find out who’s behind all of this bullshit and then get the answers we need.”

“And after that?”

His eyes meet mine, and I can see the fire raging there. “We burn the motherfuckers to the ground.”

This time I do smile, a full-blown megawatt smile that must be bordering on maniacal.

That’s right.Burn, motherfucker, burn.

At some point in our discussion, Lilith showed up. At first, I didn’t even realize she was there, but then I caught movement in my peripheral vision and there she was, standing just inside the doorway, staring at me.

I realize now our first meeting in the back of the limo was likely not our first meeting at all. When she introduced herself to me and said that she’d been waiting so long to meet me, what she really meant was that she’s been waiting so long to meet the new me. I think this new knowledge is what makes me recognize the look in her eyes, that dark affection overshadowed by distant memories.

While I remember what happened all those months ago in that warehouse, there’s still a lot of my past that I don’t recall. I don’t necessarily remember Lilith as anything more than a current acquaintance, but that doesn’t shake the feeling of familiarity that envelops me whenever she’s in the room with me. The warmth of overall affection, a feeling of recognition, of home.

This is all unbelievably confusing because I have a very clear memory of my family growing up, and for some reason, she doesn’t fit into the puzzle.

I stand up from the couch and walk over to her, and the look of surprise on her face melts away into a smile as I wrap my arms around her and pull her in. She returns my embrace, a small shudder going through her body, and it makes me smile because Lilith does not seem to be one who becomes overcome with emotion very often.

I don’t say anything, just squeeze her a little tighter before pulling back, and her hands come up on either side of my face as she looks into my eyes and whispers, “Are you in there?”

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