Page 63 of Ends of Being

I give a small shake of my head, tears pricking my eyes as I reply, “Not quite. Sometimes, I feel her in there, looking for a way out, but only bits and pieces sneak out.”

She smiles again and drops her hands, then we walk further into the room, where Tony is still sprawled in the chair. He gives her a quick up and down before saying, “Nice of you to show up, Lils.”

She glares at him as she stops in front of his chair. “Don’t think I won’t stab you in front of Toni.”

He laughs. “Oh, I’m sure you would. But the thing is, I’d like it.”

She doesn’t reply, just shakes her head at him as she walks over and sits down on the couch, motioning for me to sit beside her. She looks between us and asks, “So where are we at?”

Tony inclines his head toward me as he replies, “She remembers the warehouse.”

I look over at her, frowning as I ask, “Do you know about the warehouse?”

Lilith turns her gaze on me and nods. “Well, I wasn’t there, but I know about it. There’s always a lot of chatter in the city, and when I investigated further, I found that you were in pretty good hands. So, I consulted the higher-ups on how to manage it, and after a few weeks of surveillance, we decided to leave it be.”

My frown deepens as I think over what she said, “So you just abandoned me to the care of these people?”

She raises her brows at me, leaning back on the couch and crossing one of her legs over the other as she replies, “Believe me, Toni. Being in the care of these people was far safer than anything we could’ve provided for you. On our end, a lot of people just thought you were dead, and frankly, sometimes you’re better off being left dead—“

Tony interrupts, “She’s right, Nettie. Dare was actively putting up walls and barriers around you to prevent people from getting to you. If Lilith had come for you, that would’ve sharpened the target on your back.”

I hear what he’s telling me, even though I don’t exactly understand it. Lilith reaches her hand out and squeezes my arm as she says, “I’m not going to bother regaling you with a bunch of information about your past because as far as I’m concerned, the past is irrelevant. I’ll answer any questions that you have, though. But just bear in mind that the majority of what you have forgotten is better off left forgotten.”

Tony asks, “Do you remember anything other than what went down in that warehouse?”

I don’t answer for a few moments, mulling over the question in my mind before answering. “It’s not so much memories but feelings. I’m cold. A deep sense of hunger but not necessarily a hunger for food. Thirst, but not wanting to drink. Anger. Sometimes, it’s like these black shadows seep in so deep that I can’t shake them. And there’s no color. It’s all different shades of light and dark, but no actual color.”

I fall silent and glance over at Lilith, who’s giving me a small smile, though the sadness in her eyes gives her away, and her hand is back on my arm, squeezing as she says to me, “And that description is exactly how it should stay. The only thing you need to know at this point is that I’m here. I’m your sister. And I won’t leave you again.”

I blink at her a few times, taken aback by her confession that she’s my sister. I go to respond, but Tony’s voice breaks through, “And I’m here, too, and I’m not going anywhere.”

Then Matt walks into the room, saying, “Don’t forget about me. You know I’m not fucking going anywhere.”

That makes me chuckle, but then I fall silent again, my eyes on the floor as a deep sadness sinks into my bones. “And what of Dare?”

Matt perks up, moving to crouch down in front of me, his eyes meeting mine as he says, “I have news.”

Tony tenses in his chair, his hands fisting as he asks, “Is he alive?”

“It’s not that cut and dry, fuckface.” Tony grumbles a bit and leans back in his chair with his hands up. Matt looks at all of us one by one and then continues, “I received information from a so-called reliable source that the Beast was taken to an old warehouse earlier today, and he’s being held there.”

I frown as I ask, “The Beast?”

Lilith laughs. “Oh yes, that has to be him!”

I look between the three of them in confusion, and finally, Matt explains, “That’s what they call Dare in the underground. He’s known as the Beast.”

I can’t help but snort a little as I ask, “What does that even mean? I mean, he’s certainly hard to miss, but he’s not that big of a guy.”

Tony and Matt glance at each other before Tony responds, “When you come out of any gate as a bloodthirsty, raging beast, it doesn’t matter how big you are. It doesn’t take very long to get yourself a reputation.”

My eyes fly wide open, and I gape at him. “So, you’re saying that Dare is basically the equivalent of a murdering animal?”

Lilith laughs, clapping her hands in front of herself almost gleefully. “Oh, yes, indeed! It really is delightful.”

I shake my head at her as I say, “For fuck’s sake, Lilith.”

She watches me, still smiling. “Listen, Antoinette. I get that you don’t remember most of what has gone on in your life, but one thing I’m going to tell you is if you can’t get over the more nefarious parts of all of us, then it’s best if you have an exit strategy.”

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