Page 117 of Beneath the Surface

For him.And maybe a little bit for me.

54

Lily

My baby boy clings tightly to my hand as we make our way into Sam and Anna’s house.

I may not ever be able to heal my internal traumas; may spend the rest of my days waking up in cold sweats from the nightmares. But if I can’t heal mine then the best I can hope for is to heal the ones I’ve caused in others.

Besides, dealing with other people’s pain is a distraction from the betrayal of the man who I thought was the one.

Alexander Wells.

Part of me wants to believe, so badly, that he was planning to tell me everything. After all, he gave me his real name. Told me his father was a politician. He shared intimate moments that I refuse to believe were lies. Ihaveto believe that at least some of what he said was honest.

Chase unlocks the front door, and my stomach jumbles like a shuffled deck, nerves wracking through every cell. The walls bleed with a familiarity that assaults my senses, and my muscles tense, preparing to see the closest people I’ve ever had as parents for the first time since I ran away.

We make our way into the living room, and my feet stop short when I see them sitting on the couch, their heads huddled together as they speak in hushed voices. Anna reacts first, her face snapping to Chase, her eyes lighting up as she sees him. And then her head swivels to me, her strawberry-blonde hair swishing behind her as her hand covers her mouth.

“Lily,” she breathes.

Her voice is infused with a warmth I don’t deserve, and it stabs at my heart like a hooked knife. We walk farther into the room, my baby boy silent as a lamb, gripping my hand tighter than before.

“Hi, Anna. Sam.”

Iwantto call them mom and dad, the way I used to, but I don’t feel like I deserve it. I’m unsure if they’ll even want me to use the titles, after treating them as nothing more than two strangers who were only in my way.

Anna bursts into tears—loud, heaving sobs racking her body as she collapses against Sam. He rubs her back, his eyes on me, wide and glossy.

Baby Chase fidgets, stepping closer.

I pull him along as we take a seat on the couch facing opposite them. And then we wait. I don’t know what to do or say, so I follow Chase’s lead who is just sitting in silence, letting them cry.

After a few moments, Anna straightens, her shaky hands wiping under her eyes, focusing her attention on me. “I’m sorry for the outburst, it’s just...” Her palm covers her heart. “I never thought I’d see you again, and now that you’re here…” Her forehead wrinkles. “And you look so good, and your baby boy.” Her voice cuts off as she shakes her head. “It’s just a bit overwhelmin’ is all.”

Sam clears his throat. “We’ve been dreaming of this day for a long time.”

I swallow around the lump in my throat, my stomach twisting like a pretzel. “Sorry it took so long,” I whisper.

“We’re just glad you’re here now.” Sam’s eyes move to my son. “And who’s this?”

I smile, peering down at my baby boy. “This is Chase.”

Anna sucks in a breath. “That’s a beautiful name for a beautiful boy,” she says, her voice wavering.

“Chase, this is Sam and Anna. Your grandpa and grandma.”

His eyes grow big and round as he looks at them. “Mine? Like… to keep?”

My throat clogs, my heart cracking from the simple statement. Sometimes, as an adult, it’s easy to forget how a child views the world. And I’ve never once thought about the fact that he may see grandparents in his cartoons and wonder why he doesn’t get to have them.

I nod, chewing on the inside of my lip and squeezing his hand. “You bet, baby. They’re all yours.” I bop his nose.

He slides off the cushion and walks to the middle of the room, gripping his Spider-Man stuffy to his chest. Anna and Sam’s faces mirror each other, eyes wide and teary, anticipation lining all their angles.

“Hi,” Chase says.

Anna’s hands come up to her cheeks, and Sam’s grin is so wide it spreads from ear to ear. “Hi back.”

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