Page 102 of Written in the Oceans

The tears in her eyes continue to pour, streaming down her cheeks and spilling off the edge of her jaw.

“I belong to you.”

FORTY-FIVE

ELLIE

He belongs to me. He’s never belonged to anyone, has never been one part of two halves that made a whole. But here he is, telling me that he finally belongs to someone. And that someone is me.

When I look at him, his eyes are rimmed red and damp, and he’s working hard to keep the tears in before he gives in and they fall. Once they fall, he doesn’t fight them. My eyes flit to his mouth pressed in a firm line sitting just above his perfect jaw, which ticks with each passing beat.

I hate him. I hate everything that he’s done. All the hurt that I had to deal with, completely and utterly alone. I was so angry at him for it. But looking into his eyes, seeing the tears flow down his cheeks, mirroring my own, I’m reminded of everything that we shared. Every laugh, every touch, every moment where we saw our own soul reflected in the other. We’re the same. Cut from the same cloth while sewn together in different patterns, somehow leading to this moment. And that hate starts to dissolve, leaving behind the watered-down anger that I can’t really justify anymore.

I was once told that the opposite of love isn’t hate. It’s indifference. While I’ve become angry at Rhylan for every slice of pain he cut into my heart, I can never feel indifferent about him. I can never look at him and not feel some sort of blistering, all-consuming emotion for him. I will always feelsomething.

His hands move up to my chin, cupping the wet skin and pulling me towards him. All the pent-up anger and resentment that still lingers is telling me to pull away, to stay mad. To remind him of the damage he’s done. Instead, my hands move up towards him, where they always manage to gravitate to when we’re this close. My fingers hesitantly trace his outline, grazing his hard chest, trailing up towards his wide shoulders, and finally stopping once they hook around his neck.

I feel the relief set in his shoulders when his lips finally meet mine. It feels like we’ve been apart for a hundred years. Too much time has passed since my lips touched his, and our kiss is full of hunger, an unyielding want that I melt into. His hold on me becomes tighter, and he wraps his arms around me. Without even realizing it, I’m moving. Lifted off the ground, being carried in a direction that I don’t even care where. All I know is that I’m in Rhylan’s arms, and I feel like I’ve come home. Damaged and broken, but home.

The tips of my Converse scrape against the hard cement as we both inch closer to the shelter of his house, away from the raging storm that’s happening outside and inside my heart. Where I could, just for a minute, forget that my heart is at war.

I can feel his hands move to open his door, feel the sudden slam of it as he kicks it behind him, but I’m too consumed in his kiss to do anything. My back hits the cold wall with the pressure of his weight flush against me. My shoulders press backwards, my body arching into him.

Without even thinking, my hands trail down his torso to the hem of his soaked shirt, gradually lifting it and peeling it above him. He complies, letting my hands lead the way and following willingly. We break our kiss, his beautiful face disappearing behind his wet, clingy shirt. When he reappears, he doesn’t continue to kiss me. Instead, he looks down at me, bare-chested and breathing heavily, the rainwater having softened his skin as he waits for my permission to continue. I don’t move or say anything. I want to keep kissing him, to keep going until the only thing left is the aftermath of our passion. He leans his forehead against mine, and a shaky, uncertain sigh leaves my lips.

“We can stop,” he whispers, pausing for my answer. “If you want to, we can stop. I’m here for whatever you’re willing to give me. All I’m asking is that you don’t give up on us.”

My heart. It takes over, telling me,I’ve got it from here. I have no choice but to give in, to let it lead the way, because if I don’t, there won’t be anything left of me. My hands move into his hair, grasping it to pull him towards me. With his lips melding into mine, I trail my hands down to lift the hem of my own shirt, once again breaking our kiss. With my skin bare and vulnerable, there for him to take, my hands continue to move, but with caution.

He starts pulling at the metal button of my jeans, moving deftly as his hard knuckles brush against my soft stomach. When he looks at me, his eyes so painstakingly serious, I know he sees the trepidation in my face. The sight of my heart on my sleeve, openly displaying every bit of my apprehension and doubt.

“I’m so sorry I hurt you. It was the hardest thing in my life watching you walk away because I gave you no choice.” His voice cracks, guilt filling those empty spaces. I can feel my chin tremble. I look away from him, the pain only allowing a shuddered sigh to blow through my lips. I could tell him to stop here, and I know he wouldn’t fight it. But I can’t. So instead, my hands move to his biceps, strained and bulging, and I pull them towards me.

Don’t stop.Those are the words I’m telling him, my trembling hands speaking for me.

His hands move hastily, hooking at my waistband. I aide him by lowering my jeans and removing them completely before unbuttoning his. He lifts me, holding me tenderly above him and positioning himself between my legs, both of us gasping and moaning as he moves into me.

“Is this okay?” he whispers through a strained voice, pausing before he shifts his body closer. I nod, my eyes hooded and head leaned against the cold wall.

I cling to him, arms and legs wrapped around him, hanging on as if he would let me go if I didn’t. His hands grasp me just as tightly, pulling at my waist as our bodies tangle within each other. We’re skin to skin, no barrier between us, even though we know the consequences. But we can’t stop. Nothing can stop us.

“Oh God, Ellie. I missed you so much.” A low growl emits from his chest, the rumbling vibrating against my skin.

Words finally trickle out of me, cautious but real. “I missed you too, Rhylan.” A whimpered cry follows, my nails digging into his skin as his hand fists into my hair.

We move quickly. As if time is working against us, threatening to interrupt this most intimate of moments. All of the missed opportunities, moments we spent without each other, pouring together as if it’s a gift from the gods and only for us to share.

His lovemaking is visceral, passionate but somehow still tender. With my heart torn in two, I find it hard to not let my emotions mix in between our urgent touches. I hadn’t meant for this to happen, hadn’t expected it. But here I am, completely relinquishing myself to him, and I can’t bring myself to regret it. All I can regret is the time that we spent apart, time I spent wallowing and being angry. Time, I now realize, that I could have spent loving him.

With his hand leaning against the wall right next to my cheek, he breathes into my ear, his breaths sharp and ragged. My face is angled towards his jaw. I don’t look into his eyes. When his lips caress the side of my face, I shiver. I try to speak, try to make sense of this,us.

Before I can take another breath, he whispers into my damp skin still dewy from the rain, “I love you.”

Our bodies slump to the ground, leaning against the wall. He holds me close against him on his lap as his arms wrap around me, and he lays my head against his shoulder.

“I was so scared,” he starts, his low voice filling the room. “I saw what they did to you and what everyone was saying. About Bella and us. And I didn’t want you to become…”

He gestures his free hand outwards, not necessarily pointing out one thing but everything. His life, what it’s become.

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