Page 101 of Written in the Oceans

“I wanted to talk to you. Alone.”

“Why?”

I sigh. I know why I came to her and brought her back here. It was to grovel my way back into her heart. Instead of telling her that, I stick to the facts. Real, feasible truths that she can’t deny. “I called you.”

“I know.”

But she didn’t call me back. “I wasn’t sure if you got my message.”

“I did.”

She finally turns to look at me, glaring at me to show her indignation, and I flinch. She’s so cold, so distant, and I made her this way. I forced her to close off her heart, to protect it because I didn’t handle it with care.

When I don’t say anything, she gives an exasperated sigh and opens the car door before I follow. On the pavement, she paces, running her hands through her hair in frustration. An irritated groan emits from her throat, and she looks at me with the same anger she carried in the car.

“What do you want from me, Rhylan?!” Her sentence ends with another thunderous clap from the sky. The dark clouds continue rolling in, and I see the first fat drop of rain hit the pavement before feeling another on my head.

“Ellie, I’m so sorry. I lied about Bella. There’s nothing going on,” I try to explain to her, but her face never falters, not even giving me an inch. “I made a mistake. I’ve been suffering so much without you and—”

“You’vebeen suffering?!”

“Eleanor.”

“Don’t call me that.”

I sigh, all hints of hope slipping through my fingers. “Ellie, please. You have to understand. I was pushing you away. Please, just listen—”

“Let me move on! Let me live my life and move on. I’m moving to Seattle after I graduate, and I’m finally building this life that doesn’t revolve around you! So please, just let me go!” She’s pleading, begging as I watch her crumble. Her heart finally gives out, exhausted and spent, as she continues her plea for me to let her wounds finally heal.

My expression turns somber. “You’re moving to Seattle?”

She doesn’t answer. Instead, she looks away, avoiding my eyes altogether.

“Why?”

She scoffs. “It’s really none of your concern.”

My breathing grows rapid, panic filling my insides. “Don’t go. I know it’s wrong of me to ask, but please, don’t leave. I can’t imagine my life without you and—”

“You broke myheart!” A shuddered sob leaves her mouth, somehow saying more than her actual words as her outrage spills through the cracks in her voice.

Tears roll down her cheeks, and she makes no attempt to hide them. She’s openly displaying the damage I’ve done to her. To show me that redemption isn’t going to happen. Her words hit my chest like a double-edged dagger, and I swallow the pain that forces its way into my throat. But it’s not my pain, it’s hers.

It starts to pour. The rain comes down, soaking the ground and our bodies. Ellie’s hair and clothes cling to her, the rainwater running down her face, etching against the pain in her eyes and meeting the tears that coat her cheeks.

I move towards her as her body starts backing away. Her stance is telling me no. No to anything and everything that I’m about to do. But I can’t bring myself to care. As I close in on her, she tenses. When my arms move to encase her towards me, she shows the start of a struggle. Her arms move up to come between us, and anger takes over every muscle in her body. The pounds of her small fists hit my chest, shoving me away while I refuse to back down, pulling her closer instead.

“Why?!” she screams through her tears. “Why did you push me away?!”

Her hits become weaker, her heart caving, letting me hold her in my determined arms. My hands move to cradle her head as her sobs become muffled against my chest.

“Why?” Her final question dissolves within her tears, wavering to her weakness as she finally bends. She tried to stand her ground, refusing me from getting back in after I cast her aside.

“Baby, I’m so sorry.” My voice is thick. As if I’ve held in everything I wanted to tell her, letting those words grow calloused and brittle.

We stand there, the rain further soaking us. The coolness from the rushed storm hits deep in our bones. But we can’t move, not when this moment is more than just standing in the rain. It's about canvassing what remains of our relationship so that we can fight for it.

“I’m not drowning anymore,” I whisper into her hair. The rain hitting the hard cement is loud, a pitter-patter that mingles with my voice, and I’m not sure if she hears me. Until she lifts her face to look up at me. “You make me hope, even when you aren’t here. Just knowing that you exist somewhere in this shitty world makes me hopeful.”

---