Page 31 of Dirty Love

“I can’t sleep.”

He pops his eyes open at that, staring at me with something that looks a lot like panic, probably worried he’s scarred me for life or some shit. “Are you—”

“Horny,” I tell him, rolling my hips out a bit to let him feel my hard on. “It won’t go away.”

He laughs lightly and kisses the spot where my jaw meets my ear, his other hand moving down to the base of my spine. “Are you hungry?”

“Yeah,” I croak out, but we both know it’s not for food.

I want his dick in my mouth again.

I want to kneel on the bed between his legs and drive him crazy, let him rip my hair out and fuck my skull until my throat burns for days afterward.

Just as I move to touch his waistband, he takes my hand again and holds it up between our mouths, kissing each knuckle before doing the same with my fingertips. My jaw ticks and I rest my head on the pillow, still facing him head on with our noses touching, silently cursing myself for agreeing to his stupid one night rule so easily.

I should’ve persuaded him to give me two while I had him on his metaphorical knees.

We lie like that for I don’t know how long, in our own little bubble where nothing and no one else can touch us, and for the first time in a long time, he allows me to really see him. The way his chest aches behind that heartless mean boy mask he wears all the time, his dark eyebrows pulled together like he’s in pain, his bright blue eyes telling me things his mouth never will.

Because no matter how much we want it, we can never be together like that, and I think it kills him just as much as it kills me.

“Do you love me, Kade?” I whisper, unable to say it any louder without choking.

“Always.”

“Even if I love you too much?”

He smiles sadly and moves the hair from my eyes, leaning in a little closer to brush his lips against mine. “We have to get up now, baby brother.”

And just like that, he’s telling me it’s over.

It’s over before it even started.

I swallow the lump in my throat and force myself to move away from him, avoiding his eyes while I sit up on the edge of his bed. I hear him stand behind me and pull my heels up to my ass, dropping my face to my hands to dig my palms into my eye sockets.

He told me I had to be okay with it and I am.

I am, goddamn it, but it still fucking hurts.

Pulling my own mask into place, I take a deep breath and stand up to grab the cigarettes from his nightstand, side-eyeing him when I feel him staring at my legs, his shirt so long on me that it looks like I’m not wearing any underwear beneath it.

He’s playing a dangerous game looking at me like that, but I don’t think he even realizes he’s doing it.

“Kade.”

He blinks and clears his throat, leaning over to grab his clothes off the floor. “Put some pants on.”

“Why?” I ask, smirking a little bit when he hits me with a look that says shut your fucking mouth or I’ll shut it for you. “I’ll put pants on if you leave that off,” I counter, tipping my chin at the shirt in his hands.

He raises a brow and drops his eyes to his abs, the sexy bastard, then he looks up and moves towards me, slowly twisting the fabric he’s holding between his fists. Knowing he’s about to whip my ass, I turn around and make a run for it, squeaking out a laugh when he chases me around the bed. I rip his bedroom door open and run out into the hall, grunting when I smash right into a hard chest. I bounce back and Kade catches me with his arms wrapped around my waist, his entire body tensing against mine when he realizes what stopped me.

“Shit, s-sorry, Dad,” I stammer, lifting my shoulders up to my ears when I catch the look on his face.

He’s supposed to be on his way to Vermont for Elle’s birthday weekend, told us he was picking her up from her house right after work this morning and driving up there straight away. I’d have never left Kade’s room looking like this if I knew he was here.

He’s here.

Fuck.

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