Page 75 of Color of Love

Chapter 22

Before Justine knew it, weeks had gone by. She floated through the days aimlessly, not paying attention to anything in particular. She couldn’t even say how many clients she had seen which she should probably feel bad about, but she didn’t. She didn’t feel anything, except the aching chasm in her chest where her heart had been.

She made it through the days and when she finally went to bed, she sank into the sweet relief of sleep. But even then she couldn’t escape the pain: he was always there. And when she awoke in the morning, with tears on her face, she started the whole cycle again.

She was torn between feeling grateful that she had finally known love, and regret that she now knew how painful it could be. Why did it have to be him? She had never suspected in a million years it would be him; he was the opposite of everything she wanted. But now, she couldn’t picture life without him. So far it was bleak.

She wondered how he was doing. How were his sessions going with Dr. Hall? Had he made any more progress? Was he sleeping? How was Penny? And the final one that rattled through her brain, did he miss her? She’d spotted him earlier in the day laughing with Bob, the shared owner of the Rusty Bucket Inn. Seeing him was like taking an ice pick to the heart and burning alive all at the same time. She had tried so hard to move on but seeing him that morning had put her back to square one. She felt like she was missing a limb, the ache unbearable. He looked gorgeous, carefree, and easy-going. He didn’t look like he was missing anyone or heartbroken at all. He was thriving, while she was barely hanging on.

That afternoon, she was sitting in her office, a silent tear trickled down her cheek while she tried to rally herself.

“Knock-knock.”

She looked up and saw Taylor and Christy standing in the doorway.

“Hey buddy,” Christy crooned, and they both walked slowly towards her like they were approaching a bear in the wild. Guilt instantly ate at Justine. She had shut them out, not wanting to admit how stupid she had been with Blake.

“Hey beautiful, how are you?” Taylor asked.

Justine swiped at her damp cheeks, brushing away her tears. “What are you guys doing here?” she rasped. They came over to stand beside her, each dropping down to hug her.

“Hilda called us, she’s worried about you,” Taylor said, sympathy pouring from her.

“Want to tell us what’s wrong?” Christy stroked Justine’s hair and she leaned into the touch, seeking comfort from her oldest friends. They waited for her to speak. She opened her mouth but didn’t know what to say.

“We’re definitely not going to judge, especially her, she’s got no room to judge anyone,” Christy hiked her thumb at Taylor as she spoke. Taylor frowned at her, the action causing a small snicker to work its way free from Justine.

“Thank you both, but I don’t think I want to talk about it just yet. I thought I was doing okay but then today I realized I’m not, and I’ll just cry if I talk about it,” Justine said.

“That’s fine, we’re here when you do feel ready to talk,” Christy said.

“How about singing? You haven’t done that for a while and my regulars miss you. I miss you. And it’s a great way for you to express how you’re feeling without having to talk to anyone,” Taylor added.

Justine thought for a moment. Taylor was right. She hadn’t sung for a while, and it was how she usually dealt with anything that was bothering her. She needed to pull herself out of this funk and it made sense to use this as her outlet. The idea was bolstered by the fact that Blake didn’t go to the bar when it was busy, so there was no danger of him turning up and her going to pieces.

“Why don’t you come to the bar tonight? We can have a drink, you can sing your heart out, then we can drink, we can play pool and then maybe drink?”

“Basically, we’re gonna drink. I’ve got a bottle of Patrón with your name on it,” Taylor teased, and Justine smiled for the first time in weeks.

“Sounds great. Thank you both, really, you’re amazing,” Justine said, and hugged them tightly. She walked them out of the building with promises of seeing them later. Instead of heading back into her office she stopped by Hilda’s desk.

“I know I probably overstepped but-” Hilda began but Justine didn’t let her finish. She wrapped her arms around Hilda and squeezed her tight.

“Thank you,” she whispered. Hilda hugged her and rubbed her hand over Justine’s back soothingly.

“Any time, dear.”

Later that night, Justine sat on stage at the Rusty Bucket Inn, the crowd gathered in tight around her. Her stomach dipped in apprehension, she looked into Christy and Taylor’s excited faces. She could do this. She could do this without crying. And maybe when she did do this, she would feel better. She took a deep breath, strummed the opening notes on her guitar, opened her mouth and let her pain pour out.

*

Blake went along to his first session with Dr. Hall, dread bubbling his stomach. The man’s office was busy and cluttered, nothing like Justine’s clean, mess-free office. The receptionist was a young bombshell who tried to flirt with him, but he missed seeing Hilda. Although he actually saw her plenty at the moment, given how much time he was spending with Jim. He found her presence comforting, and right now, he really needed comforting.

Blake had to sit and wait in the reception instead of going straight in. The longer he sat there, the moodier he became. When the receptionist finally said he could go in, he got up and with a sigh entered the office. The office was full of deep mahogany bookcases and wood-paneled walls, it was very dark and imposing. Once again, he thought of Justine’s bright, open office where he felt at home.

“Ah, Blake! Lovely to see you, please take a seat.” Dr. Hall came towards him and pumped his hand enthusiastically. Dr. Hall’s hairline had long gone but he had kind eyes set in a round face. He was dressed entirely in tweed which just made Blake think of Justine in all her sexy dresses. At least with Dr. Hall being all tweed-clad and male, Blake was unlikely to spend most of his sessions hiding an unwanted erection, like he had with Justine. Hello, silver lining, my name is Blake. Unless he kept thinking about her. He pushed her image out of his mind and took a seat on the dark brown leather chair, the doctor sitting opposite him.

“How are you doing?” Dr. Hall asked.

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