Page 76 of Color of Love

Blake shrugged. “Fine, and you?” The doctor laughed but Blake didn’t think he’d said anything particularly funny.

“I’m great, thank you for asking, I don’t get that often! Now then, I’ve read through all the notes Justine made on your progress and it sounds like you did some fantastic work together, which I’d like to continue. Today I think it would be good to just get to know each other, what do you say?” Dr. Hall’s wide smile stared at him, and Blake had to admit the man was hard to dislike.

They spent the session trading information about each other which Blake knew was so Dr. Hall could establish trust, it was exactly what Justine had done. He actually revealed more than he thought he would. It seemed that working with Justine had made him more comfortable about opening up.

He missed her sassy, inappropriate questions though. He missed her intense stare as she tried to work him out. He missed her scent, her raspy voice teasing his ears, her curvy body. Hell, he just missed her. His anger at her had faded, now he was just hurt that she had given up on him, that she had abandoned him when he wanted, needed her most. He’d seen her around town and every time his heart jerked in his chest and his throat dried. She was without a doubt the most stunning woman he had ever seen, and he was lucky that for a short while, she had been with him. Goddammit he missed her.

Dr. Hall was outlining the structure of their sessions going forward and explaining where he would like Blake to work on specific areas, starting with his anxiety around crowded spaces. By the time their session was over he actually felt hopeful for what they would achieve together.

*

A few weeks later, Blake was on his couch, drowning his sorrows with Penny, when his phone rang. He pulled it out and sat up straight when he saw the name on his screen.

“Taylor? What’s wrong?” he demanded, worried her ex-boyfriend, Dale, had come back into the picture.

“Nothing is wrong with me,” Taylor began, her voice crackling through the line. Where was she? “I just need you to hear something,” she added, and he heard a door opening, then glasses clinking and people cheering, then silence.

“What?” he asked, and then he heard it. Justine singing, her husky voice caressing him through the phone, and goosebumps broke out all over his body. Her voice cracked on each line, the pain in her words searing him. She was singing John Waite’s Missing You. It was one of his favorite songs, but he would never forget the way she sang it. Her voice cracked again on the last line and a sob came down the line and an answering lump caught in his throat.

She was in pain, and he couldn’t bear it, he needed to see her. Now. To tell her everything was all right, that they would be okay, that he missed her, that he needed her. The sound of her voice faded, and he wanted to roar at Taylor to take the phone back to Justine’s singing.

“I don’t know what you did.” Taylor’s voice came back down the line, devoid of emotion. “But you need to fix it. Now.” Then she hung up. He stared at his phone for a moment before leaping up and grabbing his helmet and leather jacket. Penny followed him to the door, chittering away before he turned to her.

“I’ll be back. Daddy needs to go and get Mommy.” The words struck in his chest; he had never wanted a family before but now he couldn’t imagine not having one, not having a wife, more pets, children. The image of a little girl with dark wavy hair and light honey eyes, the spitting image of her mother wove its way into his mind uninvited.

He’d created a family for himself here in the town. Jim and Hilda were like the parents he’d always wanted. Beau, Dean, Christy and Taylor were the friends he was so lucky to have and strangely Rebelle felt like a little sister he needed to look out for. How could he ever have thought that he didn’t need any of them? And especially Justine? He left the house and jumped on his bike, gunning the engine, roaring out of the drive and off to the bar.

When he arrived, he could hear how many people were inside and his pulse started pounding at the thought of going in there when it was so packed. It sounded like half the town was inside, definitely more people than he’d anticipated. Even though he and Dr. Hall had done some great work, he was emotionally charged and if he went in there, surrounded by so many people, he could trigger an attack. He weighed up his options and decided to wait it out. Sure enough, Taylor was soon kicking everyone out.

Then he saw her. She came out, her arms around Beau and Dean as they held her up.

“Taylor was right, that bottle of Patrón did have my name on it,” she slurred, and then giggled.

“Some of us would have liked a shot or two,” Beau grumbled, wincing as she stumbled and stamped on his foot.

“Justine?” he called, not knowing what else to say. Her eyes swung to him and widened, her smile falling from her face.

“Hey Blake, long time no see,” Dean said, his features were tight but there was a hint of hurt in his voice that gave him away. Blake had been avoiding Beau and Dean since his fallout with Justine, not wanting anyone to have to pick a side.

“I’m sorry about that, man.”

“I guess now we know why the radio silence.” Beau tilted his head to Justine. Blake nodded.

“I get it,” Dean said, his hard features giving way to understanding.

“Justine, can we talk?” Blake asked.

Justine nodded and then shrugged Beau and Dean off her, they took a step back. Blake held out his hand to her, but she ignored it, pushing past him, the action hurt more than he thought it would. He turned to face her.

“I miss you.” He hadn’t been planning on saying that, but it slipped out and he couldn’t deny it.

She blanched. “No Blakey, you miss your therapist. You’re just suffering from transference.”

“That’s bullshit.” he spat, and she shook her head again. She blinked, first one eye and then the other. She was really wasted and probably not up for this conversation, but they were having it out whether she liked it or not.

“It comes from reliving a painful or traumatic experience with someone. We went over plenty of those so it’s really not a surprise,” she muttered. He started to speak but she interrupted him. “You were vulnerable, you’re getting your feelings mixed up because you were attached to me. It happens all the time, you weren’t the first and you won’t be the last,” she said quietly, her mouth twitched, and her eyes turned sad. “I mean, it’s not like you love me or anything, r-right?”

The hesitancy in her voice made his chest constrict. He couldn’t say the words and he couldn’t lie to her. Maybe she was right, maybe he did use her to help him when he had attacks. It was thinking of her that brought him back. But was that because he had fallen victim to transference? Shit, was she right? He was so confused. He didn’t know what it was, he just wanted her. But he couldn’t give her what she wanted, love. He cared about her, respected her and he had to be honest with her. He shook his head and her face twisted. All of a sudden, she bent forward at the waist and vomited all over his shoes.

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