Page 16 of Knocking up his Nanny

CHAPTER 10

The driver of the Town Car uses a remote control to open the gates.

We slowly move along the lengthy driveway, flanked by perfectly trimmed pine trees of the exact same size, evenly spaced—and perfectly dusted with a bit of snow to enhance the already magical feeling of the sprawling estate. When we reach a little circular opening, I see that there is a fountain in the center, turned off for the winter, but still charming covered with a few inches of snow. I bet it’s beautiful here in the summer, when everything is lush and green.

It’s still beautiful now.

When we arrive at the front of the house, I barely have time to gaze up at the gorgeous manor, with my mouth agape. I see that there are vines growing up the side of the house, adding to the charm and warmth, and making it feel less intimidating. Almost like the vines are encasing the home in a protective hug.

I can’t wait to meet the children inside.

I’m wondering if there are seven, and a Captain Daddy von Sexy, like Rudy suggested.

But a plump older woman in an apron rushes out and grabs my hand.

“Come with me, quickly,” she says, leading me toward the house. “They’re looking for me. I can’t let them find me.”

I follow her, with a curious smile on my lips, as she guides me into the home and leads me into a study. She closes the doors behind us, breathing heavily.

“Those little demons,” she says, wiping sweat off her brow. “They are true terrors! Horrible, cruel children.”

I clear my throat, wondering how bad things must be. “That doesn’t sound very nice. I mean, how bad can they be? They’re only kids, right?”

“No, I’m afraid not. They are little devils, flesh-eating monsters sent straight from hell to give me nightmares, and take years off my life. I swear, I wake up in a cold sweat at night wondering what mischief they’ve gotten into, and what random forest animals they’ve captured and brought into this house... or my bed. Or my bathtub. Sometimes, I just pray. Please let it not be snakes. Please, anything but snakes.”

The old woman seems so shaken up, but I am trying to hold back my laughter. “That doesn’t sound so bad, Ma’am. All kids love animals. That’s how they learn about the world. We could turn these situations into teaching experiences, and look up all kinds of information about each animal they capture. Treat any injuries the animals might have, and humanely release them back into the wild. It will teach the children compassion.”

The woman then turns to me, examining me from head to toe. “I don’t think you understand the situation. Please forgive me, Juniper, I forgot to introduce myself. I’m the housekeeper, Mathilde.” She comes over to shake my hand.

“Call me June,” I tell her as I return the shake.

She nods. “Okay, June. Well, let me be straight with you. They want to hire you for this position, and they are very desperate.Iam desperate. But I feel like I wouldn’t be a good Christian woman if I didn’t warn you torun.” She leans close to me and whispers in a panicked way. “Get out now, while you still can. Because once you’re working here, and living here—God forbid. Those demons will terrorize you night and day. You’ll never have a restful night’s sleep again.”

“Oh, you must be exaggerating. They’re only children. How many are there?” I ask.Please say seven. Please say seven.

“Only two,” she responds. “But it’s two too many, if you ask me! Heaven have mercy on my soul. Can you see the back of my dress?” She turns around and shows her bottom to me, trying to look over her shoulder. She reaches around, trying to touch her rear end. “Is it totally ruined?”

“No, it looks fine,” I tell her, wincing. “Maybe just a little bit dirty around the strings of your apron. A bit of soot like you sat in something.”

“It’s not dirty, Juniper. It’ssinged. They tried to set me onfire.”

I can’t resist letting a small giggle escape my throat. “Is that all?”

She looks at me curiously. “Are you not scared? Maybe you’re not listening. The previous Nanny… she woke up covered in slime. They were watching DIY videos on YouTube, and they made a few buckets full of slime. They tried todrownher in it.”

“Awww. That’s so cute,” I say with a chuckle. “They sound very creative. I can handle a little slime. Anything else?”

The housekeeper shakes her head. “You really don’t comprehend the severity of the problem. But you will. It’s a live-in nanny position, so if you’re really certain you want to subject yourself to this cruel and unusual punishment, when can you start?”

“My mother has two more days of chemotherapy treatment that I need to drive her to if my father isn’t feeling well enough.” Of course, there are other reasons I kind of really want to go back to the hospital, in hopes of meeting my mystery man again. But I better not mention that. “I can work part-time until then, but I can move my things here on Sunday night and commit to being a full-time nanny and drill sergeant and punching bag, and whatever else you need me to be!”

“It’s your funeral,” Mathilde says, as she shakes her head sadly. She walks over to the large desk in the room and picks up a piece of paper. “Someday, when you’re on fire, and drowning in slime, while snakes are squeezing the life out of you—don’t say I didn’t warn you. This is what they are prepared to offer you for a monthly salary. Is it sufficient?”

When she shows me the piece of paper, my mouth drops open.

“Keep in mind that it’s a difficult, dangerous job, and every single day, you will be risking your life. Is it really worth it? For just a few dollars?”

“Hell, yes!” I say, taking the piece of paper from her and clutching it against my chest. I did not expect to see such a healthy number. I want to run through the hills and throw my arms out wide, and spin and dance joyously, while kissing my paycheck. I probably will, later.

Now I know how Julie Andrews felt. No one ever told me that she was probably dancing like that because of an extremely fat paycheck.

It all makes sense now.

Music plays in my head, and I find myself humming along, deliriously happy.

Then, the doors to the office begin to shake as something thumps against them.

“Oh, no!” says, the housekeeper, wringing her hands. “They’ve found me!” She literally runs and dives under a desk to hide, with surprising speed for a woman of her size.

I am still staring after her with amazement when the doors blast open.

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