Page 17 of Knocking up his Nanny

CHAPTER 11

Two little girls are standing there, wearing oversized camouflage-print outfits, and holding water guns. They look incredibly cute—and I know them.

“Hazel? Holly?” I call out happily. “What on earth! I didn’t know you girls lived here!”

“Miss June!” they both shout, rushing over to throw their arms around my waist in tight hugs, which I return just as tightly. They are creative, brilliant little girls who I adore spending time with at the daycare. Honestly, I could cry from joy-- there aren’t any kids in the world I would rather nanny for.

“It’s finally happening!” Hazel shouts. “I begged and begged for Miss June to be our nanny and theyfinallylistened to us.”

“I told you the slime trick would work,” Holly said with a giggle.

“But I thought your last name was Harmony,” I tell them, as I try to hold back tears of joy. This job won’t feel like a job at all. It will be like spending time with my best friends, and getting paid to have tons of fun with them every day. Seriously! What more could a girl ask for?

“Harmony is our middle name. I’m Holly Harmony Wintergreen. They don’t let us use our real last names in public,” she explains. “Not at school or at daycare. They say if we do, we’ll get kidnapped and held for ransom.”

“But that’s okay with me,” Hazel says. “I don’t see what the big problem is. I know three different types of martial arts. I would love to see a kidnapper try to take me down.”

“I would love to see that too,” I say with a grin. “And that kidnapper better watch his balls, am I right?”

Hazel makes a war cry as she kicks the air, mimicking the ball-busting move she has used on every boy who’s tried to mess with her in daycare. And a few of the girls. Oh my goodness. How rude of me!

“Girls, I am so sorry. Gender equality is very important. Women can grow up to be anything they want to be, even bad guys. I should never assume that the kidnapper would be male, and have balls. And of course, he or she could have balls, but not identify as male! Anyway, getting kicked in the camel toe is also effective as self-defense.”

“Yes, Miss June,” the girls say, nodding solemnly as they contemplate this bit of wisdom. I feel so proud of myself already—first day on the job and I’m already teaching them things.

“Oh, dear,” says the housekeeper, crawling out from beneath the desk. “I’m not sure we should be encouraging the children to bemoreviolent. They are already quite gifted in that department.”

“As two tough little ladies should be!” I tell them. “Rawr!”

“Rawwrrrr!” they both repeat in unison. Oh god, it’s so cute. I’m so happy.

The housekeeper, meanwhile, is terrified. “No, no, no. This is a terrible arrangement. Miss June, I fear you’ll bring out the worst in our girls. I don’t think you have the docile and delicate demeanor suited to a nanny of such refined young ladies of good breeding.”

“Well, we want Miss June,” says Holly simply. “So, deal with it. We’re going to keep setting everything and everyone on fire until Miss June is our nanny.”

“Dear me,” says the housekeeper, making the sign of the cross.

“Girls can be kidnappers too, so I might hold you hostage for ransom,” says Hazel, picking up her water gun. “I will kick you right in the camel toe if Miss June isn’t our nanny.”

The housekeeper quickly puts two hands down to protect her precious camel toe, and I can’t resist laughing. “They’re joking. Don’t worry.”

“How do you know they’re joking?” she whispers. “They’ve done things. I’ve seen things.”

“It’s okay, Mathilde,” I say, moving over to pat the poor woman on the shoulder. “Don’t worry one bit. These are my girls, I adore them. I got this. Piece of cake.”

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