Page 21 of Charming Cruel Boys

My heart pounds to a furious rhythm as I replay the voicemail again. Andagain. My mind whirls with what to do, how to fix everything, how to get Remi back. Because I’m not whole without her. I’ve been dragging my feet through life for a year, just going through the motions, and I’m fucking sick of it.I lost enough when Dad died. I’ve been slowly forcing myself back into playing guitar. Maybe I can get her back too, and then I won’t be so fucking empty anymore.

I throw my phone down and leave my room, taking a right in the hallway that’ll lead me straight to her.I’ll beg on my knees if she wants, as long as I get another chance.

15

Remi

I’mhalfwayoutofmy school clothes when my door bursts open and Duke charges inside. I was just about to take a shower and let the day wash away with the soap and water. I’m standing in the middle of my room in jeans and my bra, too shocked to say a damn thing.

Duke shuts the door, locking it, and then strides toward me in three easy steps. He looks like a man on a mission, determined and confident. I open my mouth to protest, to ask what the hell he thinks he’s doing, but all my words die on the tip of my tongue when Duke stops only inches from me and grabs my face in both hands. “Don’t,” he mutters before crushing his lips to mine. It takes a second for my body to catch up, but then I open my mouth to him, and he wastes no time sliding his tongue in, letting it caress my own.

Duke groans into my mouth and threads his fingers through my hair, angling my head before dropping down and biting my neck. I hiss in a breath at the sting, and he licks the spot to ease away the pain. Then his mouth is back on mine and he’s kissing me with a desperation that I’ve never seen in him before. Like he’s trying to consume me, and if I’m not careful, I might just let him.

Coming to my senses, I press my hands to Duke’s chest and force some space between us before my mind explodes. “What are you doing? You can’t just come in here and kiss me,” I argue a little breathlessly, cheeks flaming with desire.

“I need you, Remi,” he pleads, reaching for me again. I let him pull me into his body, my mind a mess of warring emotions.I want this. I don’t. It would be so easy to give in. It would be too easy to get hurt again.“I’ve missed you so fucking much and I just need you,”he mumbles against my lips.

“What’s changed?” I ask, putting some strength in my voice that I don’t feel at all.

“Everything. Nothing. I should have tried harder, but I’m trying now.”

“What are you even talking about?”

“You said that you called and texted me, and I never replied. I never got a single one of those messages. Never heard back from you, either, when I tried.” His fingers tighten on my hips as his eyes blaze.

“I wouldn’t lie about that,” I snap, leaning away from him.

“I know, sweet girl. I know,” he whispers, trailing his thumbs over the exposed skin of my stomach. Butterflies erupt inside me at the mention of that pet name he used to have for me, and I already know I’ll always be weak for Duke Ashbury. “Knight messed with my phone that night. I never knew you were trying to get a hold of me. This whole time I’ve thought that you, I don’t know… That you woke up and decided I wasn’t what you wanted anymore. And I didn’t fight for us. I just let you walk away because I was too hurt and angry and fucked up about my dad.” Duke presses a delicate, lingering kiss to my lips. “I’m sorry, Remi. I’m so sorry. I want you back, baby. I want to rewind time and go back to where it all went wrong. I can fix it,” he promises, a raw desperation in his voice that has me a little choked up.

Heaving in a deep breath, I slowly shake my head. “But you can’t. There’s a year’s worth of time between us now, Duke. You’ve been with other girls. You thought the worst of me. I can’t just pretend. I can’t pick up where we left off and act like the girl you used to know.” The words taste like acid on my tongue, but I say them all the same. As much as I’ve missed Duke, as much as I might want to jump back into our relationship and keep loving him, I don’t know how. I’m different now. Guarded and broken and desperate to leave this town and everything in it behind.

Duke nods and leans his forehead against mine. He searches my eyes and I hold my breath as his navy gaze holds me hostage. “I’m not giving up. Let me in when you’re ready and I promise you won’t regret it,” he murmurs against my lips, stroking his thumb gently across my jaw. When he straightens his spine and steps away from me, I have the fleeting urge to reach out for him. But I don’t.

Instead, I let Duke leave my bedroom while I try to compose myself. What the hell am I going to do now?Senior year was supposed to be about focusing on my grades, applying to good colleges, and fighting my way out of this town. Now I’m tangled up in drama and longing and despair. Caught between someone who wants to keep me and someone who wants to hurt me.

This is far too stressful. I need a nap or a hot bath or gallons of ice cream before I can sort through any of it.

***

Hours later, I’m tossing in my bed, trying to force myself to sleep. I’ve been lying in the dark for long enough that I know I’m not going to be getting a restful night. It must be well past midnight now.

A door slams down the hall, and I sit up in bed, straining my ears. Duke hasn’t come around since unloading that bomb on me earlier, and I’m thankful for it. I don’t know where this leaves us, but I know that I need time to think about everything. Do I even want to try again? Am I capable of giving him my heart once more?

I don’t know.

Giving up on sleep, I swing my legs over the side of my bed, a shiver shooting through me when my feet touch the cold wood floors. I used to have a thick white rug that kept the chill away, but I spilled nail polish on it and my father refused to let me get another one. I tried to clean it up, to salvage the rug so I’d have something instead of the bare ground, but the orange liquid just spread everywhere. The next day, when I got home from school, it had been thrown away.

“If you can’t respect the things I buy you, you won’t be given the privilege of having things at all,”my father shouted at me when I asked about the stupid rug. It cost fifty bucks from Target, but I didn’t dare go behind his back to buy myself a new one. Who knows what he would have done to me for spending ‘his money.’Even though what little money I have is whatever he willingly gives me.

I get twenty dollars for every A on report cards. That’s it. I wanted to get a summer job to save for college, but he told me to focus on my grades and that he would pay for it all to make sure I go to a ‘respectable university’ where I could find a ‘wealthy husband.’ It left me feeling uneasy. I tried to insist on doing college myself, but then I was screamed at for being ungrateful while he had a death grip on my shoulders and shook me until I was dizzy…

I shiver as the memory leaves me, forcing my mind elsewhere. Like what that noise was.

Walking across my room, I press my ear to the door, but the hallway has gone silent. As far as I know, Duke’s been in his room since our chat. So that must have been Knight sneaking in from wherever he’s been since school let out.

Indecision weighs on me, settling heavily on my chest. Now’s not really the best time for a serious conversation, but it may be my only time. Knight will just brush me off in the light of day. Before I can overthink it, I ease my door open and pad down the hallway.

Knight’s door is closed, but I can hear him moving around inside. Without knocking, I turn the doorknob and let out a sigh when I find it unlocked. I slip into the dark room and shut the door, closing my eyes to prepare myself for the fight I’m sure we’ll have. When I turn around, I gasp, my hand flying to my mouth.

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