Page 41 of Let Me Love You (Excess All Areas 5)

“What do you mean?”

“Mate. You’ve loved her for a decade, but that’s the first time I’ve heard you ever say it out loud.”

“I say I love her all the time.”

“And I love you. Just like I love Jase and Alex and Luke. But I’minlove with Iz, and those two letters are doing a lot of heavy lifting in that sentence.”

Ben groaned and hit his head on the counter. “She needs breathing room. She needs time to figure out Asher isn’t the one instead of being hurtled down the aisle, she needs—”

“You.”

Ben shook his head. “I’m the last thing she needs. The expectations placed on her have always been too high. When I found her…fuck, I’ve never talked about this…but there was evidence of what had happened to her. And like what happened to Jase, it was dealt with by burying it. Burying it in good grades, perfect friendships, and focus on faith. She needs none of us. I mean, not in the way I mean it. But she needs space. No one telling her what they expect of her. Everyone, including me, needs to back away before she implodes.”

Matt finished making the tea and placed it in front of him. “Ben. You’re a good man. You deserve her.”

“No one fucking deserves her.”

Matt shook his head. “That’s bullshit. She deserves the guy who’d give her up if it made things easier for her. And you deserve her for being that guy.”

“But the problems don’t go away. She still wants things I can’t give her. I looked into Judaism, to see if I could convert, and I can. But, man, I feel like a fraud. I don’t believe in God, never have. Could I fake it? I’d try it in a heartbeat, except her family would see straight through it. And would it be disrespectful to her faith to pull that shit? Absolutely.”

Iz walked into the kitchen and shocked Ben by walking to him and wrapping her arms around him, first. “How are you doing?” she asked.

“Better if Chaya wasn’t up there crying herself into a storm.”

Iz rubbed his back. “She’s settled in the smaller room at the back. It’s the only one we’ve finished putting furniture in, beyond our room. I told her you were coming, and she’s okay with you going to see her.”

Ben stood and took a deep breath.

“Remember, mate. What happens next depends on whatbothof you do. Chaya has some tough decisions to make, and you can’t make them for her or carry the burden of them, even if you want to.”

Apprehensively, Ben climbed the stairs. Why couldn’t he protect the women he cared about from harm? His mum wouldn’t let him help her get away from his dad. He’d rent her a house, buy her one. Shit, he’d even give her his and move into one of Alex’s spare rooms for a little while. Instead, she clung to the idea that her marriage was for life. The rough with the smooth.

And his nan. Fuck. He’d come home a mess. And it didn’t matter what anybody else said, he’d hold himself responsible for what happened to her for the rest of his life. Whatever she needed when she got out of hospital he’d pay for.

And now…

He pushed the door open to the room Iz had mentioned and found Chaya curled up on the bed, tissue in hand, eyes red-rimmed from crying. Her eyes filled up again at the sight of him.

“No, babe. No more tears.” He knelt down on the floor next to the bed and placed his forehead next to hers.

“I hate this,” she whispered, her throat hoarse.

“I bet.” He reached for her hand, and she curled her forefinger around his thumb.

“I don’t know what to do. What should I do, Ben?”

Ben sighed. “You need to breathe. First and foremost. Nothing is insurmountable to you. Nothing. Ever. This too shall pass. You need to get some rest. And then you need to decide what you want. Because whatever that is, you’ll make it happen. You always have.”

“This too shall pass. You said that to me the day you found me.”

“Nan would always say it to me. This too shall pass, lad. You told me it hurt, what he’d done to you. And I saw it. The bruises. The blood. And all I could think of to say was this too shall pass. I just wanted you to feel better and safe.”

Her eyes met his, deep pools he’d gotten lost in so many times over the years. “You’ve been making me feel better and safe for a really long time.”

Ben nodded. “I’d do it forever, if I could.”

Tears filled her eyes. “I feel like the worst person, because I’ve been sitting here praying for an answer, but the only one I’ve got is that in a world where you didn’t exist, I think Asher would make me happy. I understand why he’s rushing us to get married. And I respect why you can’t convert.”

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