Page 35 of Chosen Road

The reminder of my love for reading being yet another likeness to my mother burned, but I pushed it away.

Midway through a drunken movie night, we began talking about our dismay over film adaptations of books and decided to change our movie nights to book club nights instead. We set up the Instagram account, laughing uproariously over the name we came up with, Aphrodite’s Harem, and had to delete quite a few posts the next morning. Thank goodness we didn’t know about hashtags.

To the Bookstagram world, we were one woman. A fantasy woman. A woman who exuded sensuality. A woman at whose feet men fell. A woman unafraid and uncowed by her sexuality, unabashedly collecting book boyfriends and keeping them. A woman who was confident and self-assured. I’m not sure any of us fit that description. Minty probably came the closest.

Minty acted as a surrogate mother to the boys. She helped with driving and was the secondary emergency contact on their school and sports forms. Minty took them on overnights into the city, to the movies on New Year’s Day while Ruby and I helped Yiayia cook and treated them to their favorite restaurant for their birthdays. Just yesterday, Minty picked them both up after school to go out for Alex’s birthday.

I’m glad he had that for his birthday, there was no denying how subdued he was with Gus and me later on that evening. This situation was beginning to weigh on him. I needed to make a decision.

I finished laying out the treats for our evening of book debauchery, turning on the music to drown out our conversation during the short lapses of Alex’s silences.

It was my turn to pick this week and it was a doozy. “You guys ready? Minty will love him. He’s dominant and...” I paused and wagged my eyebrows, “kinky.”

The story was about a divorced couple who found their way back to each other. Maybe it was my subconscious desire for art to imitate life, or in this case for life to imitate art.

“Mm, sounds good. What book is it?” Ruby asked.

“The Naughty Pine. The author is Indie, Sibylla Matilde.”

“Ooh, I’ve seen graphics for that one.”

“Mm-hmm. I picked it special for you two. Dominant for you, kinky for Mint. I’m warning you; his name is Jace, but I’ve read the first few chapters,” I fanned myself, “and we’re going to have to get past it.”

In many ways, the hero’s protective, attentive, dominance reminded me of Gus. I could not understand why I pushed him away when he was and gave exactly what I needed.

They began to pull out their kindles and I reached into my bag to take out my surprise. “Paperbacks for this one, ladies. It’s a keeper.”

They looked over their books and read the blurb on the back.

After our second glass of wine, Ruby decided we should try our hand at writing a romance novel.

“I am not a writer!” I deepened my voice and continued, “‘He swung down off the castle wall, his broadsword in hand. The bitter winds whipped around us both, lifting the edge of his kilt and revealing the tip of his weenie.’”

Ruby’s mouth dropped open comically, before she doubled over with laughter, clutching her stomach.

Minty covered her face with her hands. “Oh, my Lord, Amber! That was so bad!”

“Well, you try!”

Ruby thought for a moment then brightened. “Okay! How’s this?” She pitched her voice high and breathy. “He struts into the room like a man on a mission, his manhood swinging between his legs like the pendulum on my grandfather clock, counting down the seconds to my ravishment.”

I barked out a laugh and clamped my thighs shut to stop myself from peeing. Minty’s face turned red as she choked and snorted. Nothing was funnier than seeing Minty come undone. Even her ponytail had slipped.

“Your turn, Mint,” I demanded.

“Okay, give me a minute to catch my breath,” she gasped, trying to control her laughter. She deepened her voice. “He plunged inside her, hard, then withdrew again and again. The air he forced into her vagina rippled around his fat cock then escaped with a gurgling pop!”

“No! No, no, no, no, no! Too far! We do not talk about pom-pom farts!” Ruby screamed, and I frantically motioned her to be quiet as I ran for the bathroom, tears streaming down my face.

Wild laughter came from the games room, and it appeased my anxiety. Surely if he was still laughing like that, it wasn’t all bad?

After they left, Alex crashed immediately. That’s how he was, burned hot and bright then crashed. I smoothed his fair hair off his forehead. He looked so much like Gus. I wondered if he would have his build or be slender like me. It was too early to tell, but I hoped he’d be like his dad.

I puttered around the kitchen, cleaning up the last of the mess. Ruby and Minty always offered to help, but I didn’t like other women in my kitchen workspace. It was a weird quirk, especially considering I’d grown up cooking side-by-side with Ruby and Yiayia.

Moving out brought me a great sense of relief. At first. The strain of repressing what I knew and how I felt about Gus and Jacqueline was enormous. On top of that, not only was I hoping and praying that he wouldn’t remember, I was also planning for a future in which he did. Last, without Gus, there was one less person pulling at my emotional strings. One less person to disappoint when I didn’t meet their needs.

The relief was short-lived.

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