Page 26 of Between the Flames

CHAPTERFOURTEEN

Pulling open the door to Reggie’s, my eyes quickly scanned the bar as I searched for Noah. My shoulders sagged in disappointment when I didn’t immediately see him, and I glanced down at my watch as I crossed the threshold into the bar. I took my time walking towards it before slipping onto an empty barstool. I leaned across the bar to wave down the bartender as I wondered if I had misread the email and gotten the date wrong. That seemed like a me thing.

“Excuse me, miss, but this seat is reserved for my childhood best friend,” a deep voice rumbled, catching me off guard. My head snapped in the direction of the voice and I was consumed with a wide mixture of emotions; excitement, disbelief, and awe. In front of me was a gorgeous man with breathtakingly rich milk chocolate eyes and hair that was perfectly styled. His trim beard hid the boyish features that I had always admired and made him look like a true man. He wore a crisp blue button up that hugged his biceps in a way that instantly had me wishing he was wearing less so I could see the muscles hidden beneath. And his smile… oh, that smile still looked so incredibly Noah-like. I was surprised I hadn’t realized immediately that this eye candy was my best friend.

My Noah.

My Noah had grown up.

He threw his head back in a roar of laughter as I continued to stare with what I could only assume was the most dumbstruck look on my face.

“Wow! Noah! I didn’t even recognize you! Oh my gosh, come here!” My shock turned to excitement as I pulled him in for a hug. He was so filled out and the hug felt different from what was engrained in my memory, but I certainly wasn’t complaining. His powerful arms devoured me, bringing me a sense of comfort that I hadn’t felt in a long, long time.

“Wow,” I gasped again, pulling back from the hug to get another good look at him. “I can’t believe how much you’ve changed, Noah! I mean dang, you’ve really filled out!” I squeezed his bicep, my eyes grazing over him as I awarded him with a catcall whistle.

He smirked, rolling his eyes playfully, and I swear I could see a faint blush coating his cheeks from the attention I was giving him.

“You’ve changed a lot too, Elle. For one, you’ve ditched my favorite librarian glasses, and your hair looks a lot different.” He grabbed a piece, playing with it. “It’s longer, I like it.”

“So tell me everything! I can’t wait to hear about what you’ve been up to these last few years,” I said enthusiastically. This tall drink of water in front of me was my childhood best friend, and I still couldn’t believe it.

His eyes met mine briefly before he fidgeted in his seat, staring at the rows of alcohol bottles lined on display behind the bar. His eyes cast down to his arms that he had folded in front of him as he leaned against the bar top. I could feel his tension and instinctually went to reach for him before dropping my hand back into my lap, thinking better of it.

“Before we get into that, let’s start with the elephant in the room, Elle. I asked you here after years of hoping you’d reach out to me and you didn’t. I know I could have extended the olive branch too, but honestly, Elle, we both know it isn’t my apology to give.”

My mouth went slack; his words cut deep and the serious look on his face made my stomach dip. The way he went about bypassing the chit chat was both abrasive and authoritative, and it was in that moment I realized that although he was still my Noah, I truly knew nothing about him anymore. It made me feel uneasy, but I also knew that he was right. Hurt was in his voice as he spoke, and he wasn’t the one who owed me anything. I owed him an explanation and an apology, and seeing him after all these years, I was ready to grovel for his forgiveness and his friendship, but I was going to tread carefully. Searching his eyes, I worked out which cards to show while I picked at the white polish on my fingernail, about to lay everything in front of him. But he beat me to it.

“Elle, why did you cut me out of your life completely? Why did you just leave and never look back? You never even bothered to try and mend our friendship after you left. I spent weeks hoping you would just send a text and explain, but there was only silence.” It was like he had just taken a knife to my heart. Worse, actually. It was like a knife that had been sitting in a fire, then lodged into my chest, and then pulled out only to have saltwater poured into it.

I was right. He was still angry, and I knew he had every right to be. I had cut him out—ran so far and fast after graduation, because I felt like I was barely treading water. In that moment, I was adamant to do anything that I could to get out of Shadow Hills and away from everything that had hurt me.

Sometimes you make rash decisions when you’re barely an adult. You make poor choices. We all make mistakes and we all live with regrets. My biggest regret was now sitting next to me at a bar and demanding answers.

My options were clear: face this conversation head on or make a run for it, and I had the feeling that if I chose to continue to sweep this under the rug, Noah would never reach out to me again. It would be the final nail in the coffin of our friendship that I had already thought was dead.

Exhaling slowly, I lifted my head up to look him in the eyes. I had thought about what I would say to Noah, if ever given the opportunity, time and time again. This should be easy for me. After all, this was Noah and he would forgive me, right?

He had to forgive me.

As I looked deep into his eyes, we were thirteen again. A core memory hit me like a ton of bricks as I saw it spin through my subconscious like a movie reel.

Me, laying upside down on my bed, my head hanging off the foot of the bed, I watch my door swing open while the blood rushes to my head. Noah stomps into my room, already in a fit of laughter as he aims a Nerf gun right at my forehead and shoots it. The rubber end of the foam bullet bounces off me and lands on the ground, and I somersault off the back of the bed and land at his feet. He’s laughing so hard I can see a single tear escape out of the side of his right eye, and I use his blurred vision as the perfect opportunity to swing my legs and sweep him off his feet. Our laughter floats throughout the room and happiness surrounds us.

My eyes are still closed, but I can feel the corners of my mouth turned up as the nostalgic feeling floods my body like a warm embrace. I take my time opening my eyes and when I do, Noah is staring at me intently, watching me with a stoic look. He’s always been so patient, loyal, and kind. The impact of my actions from eight years ago hits me like a ton of bricks, and a tear falls. I wipe it away quickly, blinking back the others that threaten to spill.

“I’m so, so sorry, Noah. Let me just preface this entire conversation by starting with this—cutting our communication has always been the biggest regret of my life, and you didn’t deserve it. I’m so sorry.” I inhaled, letting my next words flow freely so that they’re out before I can overthink them. “The night of graduation after you went inside of the house, I stayed sitting by the fire across from Ryder.”

He opened his mouth to speak, but I lifted my hand, indicating that I needed to get this out.

“I know you know how I felt about him Noah, and I know that we had a lot of unspoken words back then, about everything surrounding you, me, my feelings for Ryder, and your feelings for Lily. So much happened so quickly and so much was left unsaid. After you went into the house, Ryder opened up to me. He admitted that he was into me but then told me that any possibility of there ever being a him and me, would never happen because he was going to do what was best for his unborn child and for Lily. His mind was already made up. He was going to be the man that his father never was, and that was that. It crushed me, Noah, and it was in that moment that I knew I couldn’t stay another minute in Shadow Hills. Between everything going on at home with my parents’ divorce, then my mom’s crazy coping mechanisms, and finally everything with Ryder, I just couldn’t. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t think, I just… I just couldn’t anymore.” I choked back a sob, looking at him as I continued. “I wasn’t strong enough to watch Lily’s belly grow any more than it had, and to see their baby after it was born, watch their happiness, their family grow and thrive. There was no way my heart could survive that, too. Not when everything else was so broken. I was selfish, but I was also self-preserving. So I left. I moved up my timeline and got the hell out of there.”

Noah looked at me, processing my words.

“But that doesn’t explain why you cut me out, Elle. I would have been there for you. I could have helped you through it. I was going through it too, Elle. So I just don’t understand why our friendship had to end just because your high school crush told you he could never be with you.”

There was condensation on the side of my glass, and I played with the beads of water. “I don’t know. I honestly thought that if I wanted to avoid Shadow Hills, I needed to avoid all of Shadow Hills. That included you. You had always been an extension of Shadow Hills. The essence of my entire childhood. It felt easier to just rip the Band-Aid off all at once. I didn’t even come home to visit my family for a few years.”

“I know,” he said, “our moms are best friends, remember?”

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