CHAPTERTHIRTEEN
My heart raced as the feeling of Elle’s body slid down mine, my hands grasping her perfect ass until she had moved so far down that I could no longer reach it. I drank in the sight of her hovering above my cock, her ass in the air giving me a view of the sexiest black lace panties, while she licked her lips and started pulling at my briefs. My rock hard cock sprang free from the elastic and she looked up at me from below her lashes, the heat of her breath so close to my skin it gave me goosebumps. She took my cock in her hand, using her finger to trace the vein on the bottom. Opening her mouth, she leaned forward…
I woke with a startle, a layer of sweat coating my body and my cock harder than it had been in years. That was the most vivid dream, and a wave of guilt hit me as I felt Lily’s warm body roll over beside me. She snaked her hand across my bare chest, her eyes still closed.
“Are you okay?” she whispered, trailing her fingers across my collarbone, sleep thick in her voice.
“Yeah, it’s okay, go back to sleep,” I told her, covering my hand over hers and squeezing lightly. She squeezed back and pulled her hand away, readjusting herself on her pillow. Her eyes never opened and within seconds her light breaths told me she was peacefully back asleep. I laid there burning a hole in the ceiling, wondering how my life had gotten to this point.
Years of memories swam through my head; Jordan’s birth, our small backyard wedding, starting my contracting business, Lily’s constant support, family dinners, watching Jordan grow and flourish, Christmases, birthdays.
I’ve been happy, I really have, but something’s been missing. Something I had buried deep within me and locked down tight. Someone, actually. Visions of the doe-eyed brunette that I said goodbye to all those years ago danced before my eyes, sending a stabbing feeling straight through my chest. Elle had been and will always be the one that got away. The sacrifice I made to give my son the life that he deserved. I shut my eyes tightly, letting my mind wander back to our conversation just weeks ago as sleep took me yet again.
The brassy sound of my 5:00 A.M. alarm came all too quickly. I reached over to turn it off, trying to avoid waking Lily this early. She had another hour to rest before she’d need to be up to get Jordan ready for school. It was hard to believe he was already in elementary school. Most days I felt like I was stuck between living in a constant state of fast-forward, while simultaneously living in slow motion. We went through the daily grind, our lives rich with monotony. The years had flown by, but goddamn it felt like some days the clock refused to fucking move. I was stagnant, bored, and only recently had realized what I needed in my life to feel alive.
I loved Lily. She’s the mother of my child, for Christ’s sake, but she had never made my cock as hard as it had been one fantasy and a few hours prior.
Forcing myself out of bed, I made my way to our shared walk-in closet, pulling the door closed behind me before turning on the light. I stood motionless, forcing myself to get a grip. It was just a dream. I needed to forget about it and move on with my day. Remind myself why I chose this life. The end goal was always to give Jordan the life he deserved. I would never become my father.
After going through the motions of dressing, brushing my teeth, and making sure my bedhead wasn’t too bad, I grabbed my wallet, keys, and Hydro Flask before heading out the door to my work truck. It had been three years, but pride still bloomed in my chest every time I saw the words Thompson Contracting on the side of my truck. Years of working construction had paid off and with the encouragement of my family, I was able to jumpstart my business, and was recently voted “Best Contractor in Shadow Hills”. Not bad for a kid who was forced to grow up.
Throughout my workday my thoughts continuously wandered to the dream I had, still mentally cursing myself for reaching out to Elle through messenger a few weeks back. It was a dumb move, but one that I couldn’t resist after seeing that she had liked my picture. We weren’t friends on any social media and it was obvious that she had looked me up that night.
Had she been thinking about me over the years, like I had been thinking of her?
It was stupid to think of her at all; I had closed the door on any sort of possibility of her the night of graduation, but I couldn’t help myself from time to time. I had never tried to speak with her before now, and our message exchange almost felt like I had crossed a line. But it had been innocent, and it was going to stay innocent. The dream happened because I was horny, plain and simple. I just needed to get laid. By my wife.
Lily and I had a mediocre sex life. I was no stranger to dirty dreams, but what had been surprising was seeing Elle’s face so vividly. Sex with Lily was satisfying enough, but not so much where after the dream, I felt compelled to wake her to reenact it. With Lily, things felt so… habitual. I liked to think of myself as generous in bed, never finishing until Lily finished first, but we lacked the frenzy. We lacked passion. My wife was beautiful, but we weren’t in a hurry to rip each other’s clothes off, and there was no spontaneity. I couldn’t throw her onto the kitchen counter and fuck her into oblivion. We could never just throw a show on for our kid and sneak off for a quickie in the shower.
Sex had become a pre-scheduled event two or three times a month. I was surprised it wasn’t marked on the calendar that hung on the pantry door.
Although I still found my wife attractive and I never strayed in our marriage, I was bored. Fuck, was I bored. Our lives had become so routine that sometimes it was stifling, and I felt like I couldn’t breathe. But I accepted it because this was the life that I had chosen. I chose to become a family man. I made the commitment to Lily when I was hardly even old enough to know the definition of commitment, but I intended to stick by it. At least while our son was young and my wife was still happy.
And she was happy; Lily was spoiled rotten and happy with our lives. She had stayed home with Jordan until he was old enough to go to kindergarten and since then, she had been working part time at Mrs. Landry’s floral shop just a few streets away from our house. Lily had always loved photography, but after Jordan was born, she had discovered her love for decorating, which included floral arrangements. The job was perfect for her and helped take a little of the financial burden off of me, so we were both happy.
Maybe the word happy was a stretch, but we certainly were content. We never talked about the past, our decision to have Jordan, or that we had been forced to grow up early and marry young.
We simply went through the motions of life and did everything that we could to remain content with our situation. Nothing had made me question my decisions until now. Now, the what-ifs were filling my head, pulling me back into the past, and making me question everything that I had spent the last eight plus years building.