I offered a weak smile, now playing with the corner of the soggy napkin underneath my glass. “I’m sorry, Noah.”
He didn’t accept my apology. There was no “it’s okay” or an “I understand.” Instead, he said nothing, and I could see his chest rising and falling out of the corner of my eye. I kept my mouth closed, letting him reflect on the explanation that I had given him.
After a long stretch of silence, he spoke, and my heart blossomed with relief. “I went into the police academy about three months after you left.”
A smile stretched across my face as he continued. “I’ve worked my way up over these last couple of years and I’m now up for detective. I’ll find out in a couple of weeks if I’ll be getting the promotion. Bought a one-bedroom condo here in Ridgewood, which is also where I work, by the way. Ridgewood P.D. I visit my parents once a week on Sundays for dinner—they’re still together, still madly in love. I got a dog, Wexley. He’s a boxer.”
Noah stopped talking suddenly, looking up at me. “You asked me to tell you everything.” Grinning at me with his Noah-smirk, he continued to fill me in.
“For a few weeks after you left, I honestly felt like the walls had caved in. I was so mad at you. At the world, really. Bitter at everyone and everything. I started getting into trouble. Fistfights, mostly. It got to the point where my parents sat me down and gave me an ultimatum. Either I enlisted in some branch of the military or went to a trade school, or I was out of their house for good. So, I figured the police academy was a decent option for me and I applied. They took me and I never looked back.”
So many emotions ran through me at once. Surprise over all that he had just shared. Sadness over the emotional turmoil that I had caused him, eventually leading to the ultimatum his parents had given him. Pride over the fact that, despite everything, he was living a great, successful life. He even had a dog! I was so happy for him in all that he had accomplished, but I felt like a fool for ever letting my selfishness get in the way of our friendship. Many years had passed us by, and that was entirely my fault.
“What about you, Elle? What have you been up to?”
“Wait a second,” I gasped, realizing within Noah’s life update he bypassed a crucial detail. “What happened to San Francisco? You were accepted early admission. What happened to leaving for college?”
Noah picked at a string on the cuff of his shirt, his gaze concentrated on the loose threading. “Nothing seemed important anymore, so I withdrew.”
Despair and regret washed through me. “Noah, I’m so incredibly sorry. I know there’s nothing that I can say in this moment that will make you believe my regret, but I truly am sorry for how I left things between us and for never trying to mend what I broke. I’m not asking for your forgiveness right now, but I would really love for the chance to prove to you that your friendship has always meant something to me. That you’ve always meant something to me.” He gazed at me, reaching over to pull my hand into his. Lacing our fingers together, I could feel the calluses on his palm and the warmth of his hand against mine sent tingles through my body. For the first time in a long time, I felt a sense of peace.
“Yeah, I’d like that Elle, but I need you to promise me one thing.”
“Anything,” I breathed, and I meant it. All I wanted was my Noah back in my life.
“Next time things get hard, I’m going to need you to talk it out with me. No more running.”
“No more running,” I promised.
* * *
Once we were finished rehashingthe past, the rest of our time at the bar was fun and carefree. We had rid ourselves of the heavy topics at the beginning and spent the next few hours sharing everything we could about the last eight years with each other.
Drunk off of each other’s company, we lost track of time and realized we had stayed past closing once the bartender gave us the “you don’t have to go home but you can’t stay here” kick-out line.
Standing to pull my coat on, Noah reached out to help me, turning me slightly while I eased my arms in. His hand brushed lightly along my neck as he released my hair from the back of the jacket and goosebumps pebbled my skin with the lightness of his touch. The sensation was disarming and unexpected, and I began to wonder if there was something about Noah that I hadn’t seen until now.