Page 74 of The Beta: Part One

I laugh, “You're probably right. So, the suppressants. If I take them at the beginning of a spike will they help stop it?”

She presses her lips together and thinks for a moment, “Maybe. I've done that before in a pinch. They work a lot better if you keep them in your system. Why don't you want to take them regularly?”

Sighing, I put the spoon in the sink and lean against the counter. “I'm afraid to take them,” I say, “I don't want to make it worse.”

She huffs out a breath, “It's not bad yet, Talia. When your first heat hits you're going to hate yourself for not taking them. Dice that celery for me, tiny pieces. Rory doesn't like it in big pieces” she points to a couple thin stalks on the table. I grab a knife and a cutting board.

I don't want to think about having a first heat. I don't want to be an omega, I don't know how to act like one. I like my beta status and the freedom it provides. I might not want to be a loner, but I don't want the yoke that comes along with being tied to alphas, either. That's one of the hundred reasons I left Corso.

“You'll probably be like Elizabet and your sisters, with a heat every four weeks,” she says.

I drop the knife, letting it clatter onto the cutting board.

She turns quickly to look at me, “What's wrong?”

l feel my eyes fill with tears and then I cover my face with my hands and start sobbing, “I can't do it. I don't want to go into heat every four fucking weeks. I don't want to suffer through alpha bullshit. I don't want to be trapped. I don't want it. I can't do it, I don't know how. I can't breathe.”

I'm crying tears I thought I ran out of and choking on them, and Bianca looks terrified. My reaction probably is alarming. She wraps her arms around me and starts making shushing sounds and swaying, but I can't stop.

“I can't be an omega. I can't,” I whisper into her shoulder and then my brother's scent surrounds me and I feel him take both of us into his arms.

“It's going to be alright, Talia. It will. You're strong, so much stronger than you think you are right now. It hasn't happened yet, and it might not. If you do go into heat we'll either sedate you as much as we can, or we'll find a decent alpha to see you through and you'll never have to see him again. It's going to be okay,” he's purring and the fact that it makes me feel better makes me cry that much harder.

Then I remember all the times Jasper purred during and after we had sex and I abruptly stop crying and pull away from my brother and his omega. “Do you purr, B? Can you? Can female omega's purr?”

She looks at me like I've lost my mind. “Omega's don't purr. We can growl if we become agitated enough, but that's a different thing than purring,” she says gently.

“What about male omegas? Daniel?” I ask them both, and they exchange a look.

“I honestly don't know. There aren't many male omegas and the only one I've met, other than our brother, is Jasper. Mom would know,” Daniel says.

I sigh heavily, she would know. “Will you ask her? I...can't. Not yet. I'm not ready to tell her everything,” I ask and my brother nods at me.

“I'll ask, but I want to know what happened when you were with Devon's pack. I've been trying to be respectful because you're so wrecked, but I need to know. If I know the whole story I might be able to give you better help.”

“Okay, but you're not going to like it, and not for the reasons you think,” I say, then sit back at the table and tell him everything.

I tell him all of it, from the whole truth of what Seth and his pack did to me to the bizarre link between me and Jasper to me agreeing to leave if Jasper was ever threatened because of me, and I end with the email and texts Kaleb received that made me run to my brother's doorstep.

“So, Devon didn't hurt you?” Bianca asks cautiously and I shake my head.

“And they didn't force you to leave?” I shake my head again.

“But you can't be there because someone is coming for Jasper because of you?” I nod.

“And none of them has at the very least offered to kill Seth?” she asks this while glaring at Daniel, who is seething.

“If I knew the whole of it he'd already be dead. That son of a bitch won't live long, I promise you that,” he growls.

Bianca takes the cutting board from me and rakes the celery I absently diced while I was talking into the pot and gives it a stir and says, “I hate saying it, Talia, but if you do go into heat Jasper won't be enough to help you. You'll need a knot, probably more than one. You'll need an alpha, Jasper would only frustrate you and you'd both be miserable. He'd feel so guilty and inadequate, I can't even imagine; and you'd probably go insane with unsatisfied need.”

I lean over and plunk my forehead onto the cool wood of the table, “I know,” I mumble, my lips and nose smushed against the surface, “But I can't stand the thought of anyone else touching me. It actually hurts, it makes me want to throw up.”

She hums and gives Daniel a spoonful of soup to taste. “What about Devon and the rest? Does thinking about them bother you?” she asks.

I take my time thinking about it. I think about each one individually. The thought of any of them feels almost neutral, the only exception being Devon.

Thinking about Devon touching me makes me feel a thread of anxiety. I don't feel anything like want or curiosity when I think about any of them, though. Then I make myself imagine touching any of them sexually, and the first one who comes to mind is Kaleb for some reason.

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